Relationships Are Messy, And I Like That

by Tim Swanson

The congregation sat and watched what was supposed to be a church service. Instead the crowd was glued to two grown men angrily arguing and pulling opposite directions on the handle of  the electric guitar player’s amplifier.

In ministry, one of my primary goals is to create an environment where people can collaborate and realize their potential by serving God and the people He loves. This goal is the reason I love ministry so much, and everytime I make a move to work toward this goal things get really messy. What I’ve come to realize is human relationships are inherently messy.

I remember one Sunday morning at a church I used to work at. I had just finished rehearsing with the praise team and the service was minutes from starting. While I was relatively new at the church, the praise team was made up of people I had just met and others that I had known for a long time. The sound technician was this older gentleman with long white hair and a long white beard and a hawaiian shirt on. In the short time I had been working with him, I sensed that he took a considerable amount of pride in the church’s sound system and his knowledge of it. While pride can be off putting at times, I was just glad to have a sound guy who was confident in his abilities.

On the stage, I had an electric guitar player who I had known for quite a long time. If you’re not very familiar with electric guitar players, here is the one thing you need to know: many of them do not like it if you touch their equipment. It is a good rule of thumb to regard electric guitar players and their gear the same way you would regard a bear and her cubs. Do not come between them. This particular electric guitarist had an affinity for “old school” equipment and on that particular Sunday he brought a piece of equipment from the 1950s that had been passed down to him from his grandfather.

During rehearsal, I sensed that the sound guy (who thought so highly of his equipment) and the electric guitar player (who cared so deeply for his equipment) were not bonding. People were coming into the auditorium and sitting down in their seats as the countdown counted out its last seconds. I was in the audience trying to to meet some new people when I looked at the stage to see the sound guy and electric guitarist in a conversation that was producing heat. The issue they had was the placement of the electric guitarist’s amp on the stage. I walked up on the stage to try to separate the guys so that we could start the service. Instead, I got to stand and watch (along with everyone else) as the timer ran out and the sound engineer threw up his hands and stomped toward the guitarist’s amp to move it, with the guitarist in step behind him. The two men grabbed hold of the amplifiers handle at the same time. The sound guy angrily tried to rip the amp out of the guitar player’s hands as the electric player clutched the amp’s handle with one hand and tried to stabilize his precious 60 year old cargo with his other hand. I sped over to the two grumbling men and quietly but sternly told the sound guy to release the electric guitar player’s amplifier and go backstage. I went up to the front of the stage, put on my guitar, and since that day I have never felt so ridiculous saying, “Won’t you join me as we sing to our Mighty God?”

That was one of the strangest and most challenging Sunday morning services I have ever been a part of. These were two guys who were supposed to be working together with the common goal of glorifying God and expanding His kingdom. Instead, their working relationship got messy.

Even my relationship with them got messy. In 1 Timothy 5:1, Paul gives the young church leader an imperative saying, “Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father...” That is a hard thing to do when the sound tech who actually was my father’s age was acting the same age as my seven year old daughter. That is a messy situation.

Initially, I’d be tempted to chalk a situation like this up to an embarrassing loss with regard to a Sunday morning service. However, recently I read another Scripture that has widened my perspective of these types of things. James 1:2-8 says, “2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” James tells the reader that trials are not there to terrorize us, instead they’re there to grow us. God uses trials in our lives to show us weak spots, or challenge us. The result he says is, “so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” When I think about that disaster of a Sunday Morning, I am able to appreciate it much more now. I know that God presents me with these kinds of challenges to grow me. And as I am aware of this, I am hopeful that God will grow me a wise and mature church leader someday. As I continue to look for ways to realize potential in the people I get to work with at Moon Valley Bible Church, I am less concerned with the possible clashes of personalities and opinions that are sure to be along the way. In fact, I relish the chance to learn and grow and see God investing in me as a leader in His church and one of his children.