My reason for visiting Cambodia was a tour with a band that I used to play in. After the dinner, we were set to travel to a handful of other cities to play. Our tour leader, Pastor Setan Lee, informed us that while we continued our tour, the General would attend the conclusion of the trial where he faced accusation of being a war criminal. He went on to tell us that, because of the national anger toward the General, his wife and daughter would have to go into hiding during the last days of the trial. Continuing he told us that their cover would be posing as members of our tour, and they would be with us for the rest of our time in country.
After we were finished eating, Setan Lee asked is to gather around the General to lay hands on him and pray for him. Uncomfortable. But I did it anyway. Afterall, everyone else was doing it. There were 10 or 15 of us there, and we went around each praying individually for the General and his family. I thought, "yes Lord, please protect his family". I listened to the others pray for protection and aqittal. When it came around to me, I similarly asked God for acquittal, and then asked for God's will to be done. Certainly that would be a safe prayer.
When we had finished praying, the General looked up, and with tears in his eyes he began to thank us. In broken English he turned to my band mates and shook their hands. Then, for one reason or another, he looked at me and with that enormous grin he hugged me. With wide eyes I looked over his shoulder at hos wife and daughter standing behind him smiling and looking at us. And in that moment, my heart broke for them. I felt glad to know them and I didn't want anything bad to happen to them.
God's forgiveness is a mysterious thing. It's not always easy to understand, and it can be really uncomfortable. I struggle with it today. Especially when it pertains to my own life. For a long time, I struggled with the idea that God wanted to forgive me for my sins. After my trip to Cambodia, I went along for years believing that my sins were too great to be forgiven. I believed that God was powerful enough to forgive me. My battle was with the belief that He didn't want to. I felt like my sins were too great. I was irrational. I walked around preaching Jesus' forgiveness of all sins, even the infamous general's unimaginable sins, and I didn't believe that God wanted to forgive me for the things I have done. It took me a really long time to realize that my shame over my sins was only my own and God thinks differently of me. I guess that's one reason that God is God and I'm not. Because if I'm honest, I'm not very fair at all. And God is very fair. When He offers forgiveness for all sins, He really offers it to all. He wants to forgive you, and me, and even the General. When He says, "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved" he means it.
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