by Tim Swanson
Just last week I met with the praise team for rehearsal on Sunday morning. It was a disaster. You know, one of those mornings where it feels like everything is working against you. The computer was a mess. The words on the screen weren't right. One of my singers called in sick at the last minute. The band was made up of 5 musicians that had never played together before. Nothing was going right. After rehearsal we did not feel well prepared, and we weren't encouraged.
I went to my office to hide. I sat and tried to collect myself. I could at least calm down enough to look confident on stage. When I’m in that place, i think about the countless verses where King David calls God, "my refuge" (Psalm 18:2, 91:2, 94:22, etc.). And I wonder, is it really that simple? Is He just my refuge? That seems to easy. I don't feel like I've done enough to be able to call Him that; especially on a Sunday morning where everything is such a nightmare. I sat in there for a while to try to calm my nerves. That never works for me. A few minutes before the service started I wandered back into auditorium to prepare for what I was sure would be a mess.
With one minute left on the countdown I walked, with the praise team, out onto the stage. My mind was racing as I worried about everything that could go wrong and trigger the train wreck that I was sure was in store. I pictured people in our congregation attending other churches. They would tell their friends, "I used to go to Moon Valley Bible Church. It was a really great church, but then one day the services were unspeakably horrible, so we don't go there anymore".
The lights came up as the countdown ended. I counted the band in and we started into the first song. After a minute or so I realized it sounded... good. There was no train wreck. I thought, "what gives?" For the rest of the morning we continued to lead worship and there were no catastrophes, no disasters. The uncertainty and mistakes from rehearsal were inexplicably gone. The computer worked well. The praise team sang and played way better than any of us expected. God did for us what we couldn't do for ourselves. And because He did, people were able to connect with Him.
I am a worrier. Sometimes I worry so much, that my worrying can bring about the things that I'm worried about. And now I'm reminded of 1 Peter 5:7, "Cast all your anxieties on Him because He cares for you". On Sunday, He cared enough for the congregation, my team, and me that He wouldn't even let my obsessive worrying come in the way. I learned a lesson that morning. David can call God his refuge because of God's great love for him, not because of anything David did. Now as I head into the week I'm encouraged by the 1 Peter verse. I know that Jesus has my back. While this isn't an excuse to show up unprepared, it is a hope for when the unexpected hits. Today when I feel anxious I don't have to feel alone and hopeless. Today I know that He is my refuge.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteTim. I openly love your commitment to honesty in your feelings in growing with God. You show the way and lead by example, for us other Christians, that's its okay to have feelings dont jive with what scripture says. Your openness to share those feelings, help me and remind me, and help me get into the habit of just telling God sometimes that I am feeling scared s***less. I think of Jesus saying sometimes "worry for nothing, for I am with you always", but right now I am scared, and feeling insecure, and panicking... I think He's encouraging us in the right direction with passages like that, especially since he said he came to "save us, not to condemn us", so I think its safe to say that nothing Jesus said was out of condescending. Through His Grace and the blood of Jesus we don't have to be perfect for Him, for Him to be our everything, anytime we need it, no matter how often we need it. He is never changing and will never leave our side even if we fail in our faith. I've learned, as you have too I'm sure, that faith builds with reading and speaking His scripture in quiet times and in prayer, and by sometimes just reminding ourselves of it in the middle of, or the moments before, something that leaves us feeling intimidated..The Word gets sown into us and bears fruit. We do need to tend to our soil though (our heart)Mark4:13-20. We're imperfect people becoming perfected. And learning how to take His word into our heart(trusting His word; which isn't easy when we have been wounded) is the secret to us having His peace prevail in the midst of the the trainwreck. You can say, Hey, I did my best, and sometime my best is going to suck butt, and we lost members or potential members today because of what went down, but I did my part, and overall I kick butt, and everyone would agree. And as for people leaving, that's on those people at the end of the day, and its on God's hands to deal with their reasons,thinking, and hearts, that would lead them to leave based on criticism. I know deep in your heart the last thing you want is to steer someone away from MVBC, but in reality MVBC isnt for everyone. I just went to my first church service here in AL, and it was great. They are at quite a level of professionalism, my goodness, and I see our church (MVBC) being there maybe some years down the road. But there were occasional lyrics blunders on the projection screens (I think maybe the music director flys by the wire on how many times a chorus or tag will be repeated), and some mic and video issues too..But the way the staff handled those mishaps in a lighthearted manner, led the way for the congregation to be the same way about the noticeable tech difficulties. I wouldn't have held it against them even if they just kind of froze a bit; you give poeple a break for Petes sake....whats most important is the heart and spirit you sense in a church, and MVBC has a great one. You are a natural leader with well developed leader abilities such as humility, gentleness, and honest feedback without being a dick. You guide with precision and quick decision making. With the timeframe we have to work with, we need a quick decision maker. You're great at what you do, bro, great! And I look forward to seeing you get better and better. And part of that growing just maybe having your anxieties laid aside by the power of the Spirit through the Truth in His word as you meditate on it as it becomes part of you, reflecting the character of Christ in you. And you know this, but its on God to minister to people, its just on you to be true to your gifts and try the best you can within your emotional limits. Your my bro and I;m so so glad that all worked out great on Sunday. My dad said you guys sounded great! I suffer greatly with anxiety too, as you know, but its got better the more I meditate and talk to God about things that get to me... I still keep you and the the MVBC team in my prayers and always will. Your the best bro, love you, Zach.
ReplyDeleteWell said Zach. Thanks for your encouragements. We miss you.
ReplyDelete