Beware Christmas Church Bandits

It's Christmas time in the city. You know what that means - tons of holiday crime. Police departments all over will double or even triple their forces on Christmas Eve. Hollywood has even made efforts to draw awareness to the dangers of Christmas burglary in the stunning action/drama Home Alone.

You just can't be too careful these days. If you work or serve in your church, you have to take extra caution this Christmas.


I've noticed a string of very serious crimes in churches all over my home town. There are Christmas bandits, who sneak into churches, and carry out these crimes in an attempt to steal your Christmas joy. As you work to plan your Christmas services, please watch your step and be aware of Christmas deviants and their crimes. They greet you with smiles, but they're really out for your destruction. Here are the most common offenders you need to watch out for. 

The Christmas Candy Bandit. This bandit travels under the guise of wanting to thank the church staff and volunteers for all they do all year long. But in reality, he laughs manically as he plots the destruction of all your weight loss goals. He's the most unscrupulous one. He shows up with candy, cheese, meats and crackers, but he himself is an organic, nondairy, vegan, pacifist. 

The Holiday Technology Bandit. He likes to sneak into your auditorium and play with you sound board. He's done his homework so that he can get in there after your rehearsals are done, but before your services begin. He sits at your sound board with a child-like grin, twisting knobs and moving faders. He hums lullaby while he does it. The outcome is frustrating, but be glad you're not there while he's doing it. It's really creepy.

The Impromptu - Extra Christmas Party Right Before Your Big Service Bandit. You've been planning your big Christmas extravaganza, but this bandit has been planning too. He scheduled a last minute Christmas party at your church. Now he's 'borrowing' decorations from your sanctuary. He'll sleep good, knowing you'll come in to total chaos on Christmas Eve.

The Christmas Sneeze-Handshake Bandit. Who better to attack at Christmas time than your team. This bandit hides in the shadows, sneezing all over his hands. Then he leaps out with a smile on his face to shake the hands of your and your team members. The irony comes in that he washes his hands afterward, not because he sneezed on them, but because he touched other people's hands.  


Stay close to God this Christmas. He's the only one who can protect you from this kind of evil.