Peter stepped out of the boat onto the choppy waves and with trembling legs walked toward Jesus. Needlessly holding his arms out for balance, he walked as if it were his first time. With a gaping grin he looked down at his feet moving across the surface of the water. It was the feeling of utter freedom.
A gust of wind came from the side and harshly whipped his face and hands with cold air, drawing his attention to the left. His grin slipped into a hanging jaw as he stared out at the snapping white crested waves. Suddenly he was aware of the wind, and the cold, and the vast emptiness of the water’s surface. His posture stiffened as a rush of dizziness came over him. Then his heart began to race as he looked down and saw the dark waves covering his feet.
He looked up at Jesus, who seemed further away than ever. Then he whipped his head around to look back at the boat, which was also too far away. In desperation, he grabbed his leg and frantically tried to pull it out of the water. He yanked at his legs, throwing frothy water all around him, but he only sank deeper. When he had sunk a considerable amount more, he let out a panicked shriek, “Lord, save me!” And Jesus reached out and with both hands, grabbed Peter under his arm, and pulled him up out of the water.
Following Jesus is a lot like walking on water… I imagine. Okay so obviously I’ve never actually walked on water. But I am familiar with sinking. There is a specific kind of anxiety that comes with being surrounded by water,and having no control. It’s the same kind of anxiety I get when I turn my focus away from Jesus and try to do things by my own power. It seems perfectly logical to just trust Jesus, but there’s this silly voice in my head that tells me I have to be seen doing amazing things in order to have value.
When I do things on my own, I also worry on my own. That’s when my life becomes filled with fear and anxiety. Then I get even more stressed out because I feel like my anxiety is a sign of my own inadequacy. Yada yada yada, you know how it goes. It’s no way to live.
Lately, I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on a quote from my mentor that’s scribbled on the blackboard that hangs over my desk. It goes like this:
“The world won’t even touch you if you’re broken, but Jesus won’t touch you until you’re broken.”
I sorta feel like there may be some holes in that quote, but it makes a good point. And Peter’s story is an excellent example of it. He became consumed with fear and anxiety, and Jesus waited for his desperate cry before he reached out.
People tend to scoff at the way that we wait until things are as bad as they can possibly be before they call out to Jesus. But it’s there, in that brokenness, where Jesus is waiting to reach out and lift us out of the water.
Feeling stress and anxiety? Pray to Jesus. Pray for Brokenness.
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