The 7 Essential Elements of Leaving A Great Legacy

I'll never forget when my dad gave the eulogy at his dad's funeral. My dad is a highly experienced public speaker, but it's no small thing to try to sum up the life of a great man. And as I sat in the pew of the Lutheran church where the funeral was held, I realized that that's really what a legacy is - it's the summation of your life. When it's all said an done, your legacy is what your life boils down to. 

Photo courtesy of mbell1975 at flickr.com

So how do you leave a great legacy? Is there a formula? Can you even be intentional about it, or do you just do what you can and hope for the best? And if you are able to be intentional about leaving a legacy... how would you go about it?

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3 ways to give teenagers the respect they need to become mature adults

Alura was 12 when I married her mom and became her dad. At first, her need from me was simple. She needed to time to build trust. Now she's 16 and we've built a lot of trust, but her needs have changed too.

As a teenager, she still has lots of needs. But, in my mind, one stands above the rest. Like all teenagers, Alura needs to be respected by Allison and me.

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7 Things every son needs from his dad to become a man

Raising boys isn't easy. We live in a world that's increasingly designed to derail their lives and hurl them into a darkness futility, or worse. And the problem is compounded by the fact that our society doesn't have a unified definition of what it means to be a man. If you look around, manhood seems to be defined by who can make the most money, buy the most toys, and score with the most girls.

What doesn't add up is the fact that many of the world's richest playboys couldn't be more obviously unqualified as real men. Our sports figures are undone by their own wealth; getting into trouble with drugs, drunken driving, and domestic violence. Our politicians are undone by their influence; falling into incredible scandals. And our rock stars... well, we've learned not to expect too much from them.

Regardless of where you look, our culture doesn't present a solid example of what it means to be a good man, let alone a great man. So what are boys growing up in our world to do?

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How to tell if a recovering addict is about to relapse

One of the scariest parts of recovery is the anxiety that comes with worrying that you or someone you care about will relapse after they've gotten a foothold in sobriety.

Photo courtesy of Michael Dunn at Flickr.com

It happens commonly. In fact, it's a statistical probability. And it can happen to anyone at any point in their recovery. I remember an old school teacher who once confided in me that he was brokenhearted over a close friend who had relapsed after 15 years. He said his friend had gotten married and even had a couple kids during his stint without drinking. Then one day, for no apparent reason, he started drinking again and brought his whole family into a world of darkness that he had worked so hard to leave behind.

Stories like those leave a lot of people (addicts included) wondering Is there a way I could have stopped this? Is there anything I could have done? Well, there's good news and bad news.

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Dads and grandpas, here's why you're losing our respect

If there's anything a man wants to leave behind when his life is over, it's a great legacy. We're wired to want to be great and impact the world. It's the reason we build large businesses, strive to be great husbands and fathers, do scientific research, overcome impossible odds, and never stop working to become better.

Photo courtesy of Nicholas at Flickr.com

Many men have left incredible legacies behind. By working hard to stand for something more than themselves, men like Ghandi, George Washington, and Martin Luther King Jr. have left us asking what we're capable of.

And even beyond them, there are great men who never reached celebrity status who are shaping the world and leaving great legacies. They're husbands, fathers, and career minded men who become living examples of excellence to everyone around them. But as time and technology reshape our world, many men who might have once been great are proving themselves incredible fools to everyone around them.

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Thankfully, I pranked my daughter until she cried

Parenting isn't an exact science... In fact it's not a science at all. It's more of an art. An art where the rules and methods change every day. Sometimes you screw up and it's bad. Other times you screw up and somehow it turns out good.

A few days ago I played a prank on Scarlett that left her in tears, but with the way things turned out neither of us would have it any other way.

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Taking the guess work out of finding God's call on your life

Have you ever met those Christians who are really confident in God's calling on their life. They say things like, "I just really sense his leading in my spirit." And then you smile and nod, all the while thinking, What? How come I can never sense anything in my spirit? Is this guy full of it, or is there something I don't know?

Photo courtesy of Hamed Saber at Flickr.com

Maybe you don't feel like you have the same highly refined spiritual sniffer that some people seem to have, but that's okay because you don't need it. God has already given you everything you need to know what exactly what direction he wants you to go. 

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An inside look at the interview all people must pass to get into heaven

The other day I was picking up my office when I came across an unsigned baptism certificate that I was supposed to give to a friend I baptized... a few months ago. So I shot him a quick text, "Hey man, I've got your baptism certificate. Don't let me forget to give it to you, because you can't get into heaven without it."

Photo courtesy of Chris Jones at Flickr.com

He's new to church, but he caught on pretty quick. He told me he would pick it up and asked if he needed anything else. I told him he needed three references. Then our conversation sparked up an interesting question. I asked him, "What do you think the interview for heaven would look like?" And his answer painted a perfect picture of how so many people view heaven and eternal life. He said,

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Quick Question. Did Jesus ever feel turned on?

He's easily among the most significant people of all time. Many think of him as a good teacher or a moral man, like Gandhi or Mother Theresa. But that's who he claimed to be. During his life on earth, Jesus made one thing abundantly clear - he claimed to be God.

Photo courtesy of Siebuhr at flickr.com

And the rest of the Bible agrees with him. The book of John calls Jesus by one of his nicknames, The Word. It says, "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God... and the Word became flesh and dwelt among us" (John 1:1 & 14). For Christians, the idea behind these verses is that Jesus Christ is simultaneously fully God, and fully man.

And it raises some interesting questions. Not long ago, during a mentoring meeting, a young man asked me this, "Did Jesus ever get a boner?" Which is a great question.

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Is it okay for a God fearing man to use lethal force to protect his family?

Guys, we inherently want to protect our families. Dying for them would be a no-brainer for the vast majority of us. We think about and many of us even prepare for the event where we have to stand up for them. But when it comes to God fearing men, is it okay to use lethal force to protect the lives of those we love and lead?

Photo courtesy of Michael Newhouse at Flickr.com

Legally, at least where I live, a man is well within his rights to use lethal force if he feels like himself his family is in immediate danger. But if it's his priority to honor God with his life, can he use his legal right. And if not, then what should he do instead?

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4 parenting half measures I'm striving to overcome

All parents pretty much have the same goal - to love their kids and teach them to be successful. Many parents have their own definitions of success. Some really want to teach their kids respect, others want their kids to be able to make a lot of money, and some just want their kids to be happy.

This photo was taken by Mik Sivak from Sivak Photography. He does spectacular work,

Regardless of what you value as a parent, we all want to see our kids succeed. But in spite of the greatest desires of parents, our world keeps churning out generation after generation of kids who are totally messed up. So what gives? Where is the disconnect? Where is it that parents are letting down their kids?

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Dads! How to teach your daughter to be a woman in today's world.

Being a woman today is exponentially more complicated than it was a hundred years ago. There was a time when all a woman needed to know was how to pop out kids and obey her husband. And it just ain't that way anymore.

Today, many women aren't just mothers. They're working mothers, which means they have to choose between the bottom line of the home and spending time with their kids. And married women aren't just housewives. They're co-executors of their homes alongside their husbands.

Things just aren't as simple as they used to be... which isn't a bad thing. I think the evolution of women's rights has obviously been a good thing. But if you're a Dad to a little girl, it does mean you have your work cut out for you.

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What kind of IDIOT walks away from his dream job for something way harder?... This guy!

For the last four years, I have been doing my dream job. I've been employed at Moon Valley Bible Church as the Director of Sunday Services. Not only have I gotten to lead Moon Valley in worship each week, but I've had the chance to work alongside some of the finest members of the church I've ever known. So why am I leaving?

It's easy. I found a job that's way harder, that I've never done before, and that comes with next to no security! Let me explain.

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Can I convince you to start a blog? 4 Things I never expected to get out of blogging

A couple years ago, I had a really low opinion of bloggers. I thought they were ignorant, ego-centric people who were all wasting their time on something that no one would ever read. Because who reads blogs anyway?

As it turns out, just about everyone reads blogs. And I was the ignorant one. Then when I started my blog, I was equally as ignorant. When I started writing, I had only one thing in mind. I wanted to be popular. It wasn't until after nearly 6 months of writing that I realized I was still dumb. I had no idea what I was doing. And I needed swift kick in the pants.

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How to get more than one word answers out of asking your kids about their day.

If insanity is defined as repeating the same thing over and over and expecting a different result, then there are a lot of completely nut job parents out there. So many of us ask our kids the same barrage of lame questions every afternoon - Did you have a good day? How was school? What did you learn today? What do you have for homework? etc. 

Photo courtesy of Katie Laird at Flickr.com

And our questions always evoke the same uninspired answers from our kids - Fine. Nothing. I don't know, Whatever. And the worst thing about it is not that it's insanity. It's the fact that, when we have repetitive conversations with out kids, we are spending our time (just like we spend our money) and we have little to nothing to show for it.

We get precious little time with our kids. So it's important that we don't waste it. Fortunately for all of us, there are better ways.

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The sex and waiting talk that my teenager said was awesome

These days, it's hard to teach kids and teens to hold off on exploring sex. Whether you think it's best for them to wait for marriage or you just want them to wait until they're ready, convincing your kids to keep their bodies to themselves comes with a lot of challenges. 

We live in a world were sex is idolized and advertised to young people. Even books and movies aimed at teens are packed with sex appeal. It makes the idea of waiting sound really lame to our kids. And parents also have to contend with their own worst enemy - themselves.

I've always struggled to find a good way to talk to my kids about waiting because... I didn't wait. I believe that the absolute best thing for them is to wait until they're married to have sex. But I feel really hypocritical about trying to convince them to do something I've never done.

Then last week I found myself in the middle of a conversation with my teenage daughter, Alura.  And while I typically write about lessons that come out of my failures, this one was a tic in the win column. Here's how everything went down. And before I begin, I want to invite you to leave your thoughts and criticisms in the comment section below (and obviously, I got Alura's permission to post this).

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What you say to Christians who get all uppity about avoiding the Xmas abbreviation

Ever meet one of those people who says stuff like, "I hate it when they write Xmas instead of Christmas. They're trying to take Jesus right out of the holiday!" Ever wonder how to respond to those people?

Photo courtesy of Kat N.L.M. at Flickr.com

Well take heart. There's a good reason for the abbreviation. And it has nothing to do with Christmas originating from a pagan holiday if that's what you're thinking. The reality is, the Xmas abbreviation is a lot more Christ honoring than most people know.

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The Man's guide to the best sex ever.

Teenage guys dream about sex the way little girls dream about having big weddings. They imagine it as often and as vividly as they can. Gross, I know. But most guys are just wired that way.

Photo courtesy of Thanh Tran at Flickr.com

We're designed to want sex the way many girls are designed to want to be cherished and loved. 

So then why do so many guys grow up, get married and struggle with unfulfilling sex lives?

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I'm beginning to worry that my wife knows what she's talking about

My wife is the most brilliant and spectacular woman I've ever met. But every time she gives me her opinion or advice, something goes off in my brain that says, "Nope! Nope, that can't possibly be right." And then I look stupid when she was right and I didn't listen.

This photo was shot by my friend Mik Sivak. He's a rock-star photographer whom I highly recommend.

I always hear older guys say they've learned to listen to their wives. And I just assumed those guys had given up after decades of being emasculated by marriage. But things keep happening that make me wonder if I'm wrong.

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5 things you can do this Christmas heal relationships in your family

 My wife just gave me best Christmas present - National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation pajamas. I love them because when I was a kid, the Griswald's were a staple in my home. This was largely because of the way they nailed the portrayal of typical family dysfunction. 

Photo courtesy of Edsel Little at flickr.com

The best character in the movie is every family's worst nightmare - Cousin Eddie. He's the absolute personification of American white trash. One of the best scenes in the movie is Eddie standing in the street wearing a bath robe with a cigar and a beer, while he empties his motor home's toilet into the street.

Not everyone has a Cousin Eddie in their family. God save you if you do. But the Holidays are widely known as the time of year that we have to get together with the people in our families with whom we have tension. And that begs the question how do we heal relationships with years of tension and bitterness?

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