Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts

Thursday, February 26, 2015

3 ways to give teenagers the respect they need to become mature adults

Alura was 12 when I married her mom and became her dad. At first, her need from me was simple. She needed to time to build trust. Now she's 16 and we've built a lot of trust, but her needs have changed too.


As a teenager, she still has lots of needs. But, in my mind, one stands above the rest. Like all teenagers, Alura needs to be respected by Allison and me.

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

How to tell if a recovering addict is about to relapse

One of the scariest parts of recovery is the anxiety that comes with worrying that you or someone you care about will relapse after they've gotten a foothold in sobriety.

Photo courtesy of Michael Dunn at Flickr.com

It happens commonly. In fact, it's a statistical probability. And it can happen to anyone at any point in their recovery. I remember an old school teacher who once confided in me that he was brokenhearted over a close friend who had relapsed after 15 years. He said his friend had gotten married and even had a couple kids during his stint without drinking. Then one day, for no apparent reason, he started drinking again and brought his whole family into a world of darkness that he had worked so hard to leave behind.

Stories like those leave a lot of people (addicts included) wondering Is there a way I could have stopped this? Is there anything I could have done? Well, there's good news and bad news.

Thursday, February 5, 2015

Thankfully, I pranked my daughter until she cried

Parenting isn't an exact science... In fact it's not a science at all. It's more of an art. An art where the rules and methods change every day. Sometimes you screw up and it's bad. Other times you screw up and somehow it turns out good.


A few days ago I played a prank on Scarlett that left her in tears, but with the way things turned out neither of us would have it any other way.

Monday, February 2, 2015

Taking the guess work out of finding God's call on your life

Have you ever met those Christians who are really confident in God's calling on their life. They say things like, "I just really sense his leading in my spirit." And then you smile and nod, all the while thinking, What? How come I can never sense anything in my spirit? Is this guy full of it, or is there something I don't know?


Photo courtesy of Hamed Saber at Flickr.com
Maybe you don't feel like you have the same highly refined spiritual sniffer that some people seem to have, but that's okay because you don't need it. God has already given you everything you need to know what exactly what direction he wants you to go. 

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

How to relate with your stepkids about their baby daddies.

You've probably noticed that your girlfriend or wife doesn't have the best things to say about her ex(s), which makes good sense in light of the fact that their relationships didn't last. And it can be comforting to hear your girl talk about how much other men fall short of you. But when you date or marry someone who has kids with with their ex, that person takes on a whole new position in your life. And you have to learn to respond differently in turn. 

Photo courtesy of Damian Bakarcic at flickr.com
When you're raising someone else's kid, you're forced to face different aspects of their biological dad just by nature of the fact that you've got his offspring running around your house. And how you treat and talk about your child's baby daddy will have a huge impact on his/her life and relationship with you.

Sunday, January 18, 2015

4 parenting half measures I'm striving to overcome

All parents pretty much have the same goal - to love their kids and teach them to be successful. Many parents have their own definitions of success. Some really want to teach their kids respect, others want their kids to be able to make a lot of money, and some just want their kids to be happy.

This photo was taken by Mik Sivak from Sivak Photography. He does spectacular work,
Regardless of what you value as a parent, we all want to see our kids succeed. But in spite of the greatest desires of parents, our world keeps churning out generation after generation of kids who are totally messed up. So what gives? Where is the disconnect? Where is it that parents are letting down their kids?

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Dads! How to teach your daughter to be a woman in today's world.

Being a woman today is exponentially more complicated than it was a hundred years ago. There was a time when all a woman needed to know was how to pop out kids and obey her husband. And it just ain't that way anymore.


Today, many women aren't just mothers. They're working mothers, which means they have to choose between the bottom line of the home and spending time with their kids. And married women aren't just housewives. They're co-executors of their homes alongside their husbands.

Things just aren't as simple as they used to be... which isn't a bad thing. I think the evolution of women's rights has obviously been a good thing. But if you're a Dad to a little girl, it does mean you have your work cut out for you.

Monday, January 12, 2015

What kind of IDIOT walks away from his dream job for something way harder?... This guy!

For the last four years, I have been doing my dream job. I've been employed at Moon Valley Bible Church as the Director of Sunday Services. Not only have I gotten to lead Moon Valley in worship each week, but I've had the chance to work alongside some of the finest members of the church I've ever known. So why am I leaving?


It's easy. I found a job that's way harder, that I've never done before, and that comes with next to no security! Let me explain.

Thursday, January 8, 2015

Can I convince you to start a blog? 4 Things I never expected to get out of blogging

A couple years ago, I had a really low opinion of bloggers. I thought they were ignorant, ego-centric people who were all wasting their time on something that no one would ever read. Because who reads blogs anyway?



As it turns out, just about everyone reads blogs. And I was the ignorant one. Then when I started my blog, I was equally as ignorant. When I started writing, I had only one thing in mind. I wanted to be popular. It wasn't until after nearly 6 months of writing that I realized I was still dumb. I had no idea what I was doing. And I needed swift kick in the pants.

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

How to get more than one word answers out of asking your kids about their day.

If insanity is defined as repeating the same thing over and over and expecting a different result, then there are a lot of completely nut job parents out there. So many of us ask our kids the same barrage of lame questions every afternoon - Did you have a good day? How was school? What did you learn today? What do you have for homework? etc. 


Photo courtesy of Katie Laird at Flickr.com
And our questions always evoke the same uninspired answers from our kids - Fine. Nothing. I don't know, Whatever. And the worst thing about it is not that it's insanity. It's the fact that, when we have repetitive conversations with out kids, we are spending our time (just like we spend our money) and we have little to nothing to show for it.

We get precious little time with our kids. So it's important that we don't waste it. Fortunately for all of us, there are better ways.

Sunday, January 4, 2015

The sex and waiting talk that my teenager said was awesome

These days, it's hard to teach kids and teens to hold off on exploring sex. Whether you think it's best for them to wait for marriage or you just want them to wait until they're ready, convincing your kids to keep their bodies to themselves comes with a lot of challenges. 



We live in a world were sex is idolized and advertised to young people. Even books and movies aimed at teens are packed with sex appeal. It makes the idea of waiting sound really lame to our kids. And parents also have to contend with their own worst enemy - themselves.

I've always struggled to find a good way to talk to my kids about waiting because... I didn't wait. I believe that the absolute best thing for them is to wait until they're married to have sex. But I feel really hypocritical about trying to convince them to do something I've never done.

Then last week I found myself in the middle of a conversation with my teenage daughter, Alura.  And while I typically write about lessons that come out of my failures, this one was a tic in the win column. Here's how everything went down. And before I begin, I want to invite you to leave your thoughts and criticisms in the comment section below (and obviously, I got Alura's permission to post this).

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

What you say to Christians who get all uppity about avoiding the Xmas abbreviation

Ever meet one of those people who says stuff like, "I hate it when they write Xmas instead of Christmas. They're trying to take Jesus right out of the holiday!" Ever wonder how to respond to those people?

Photo courtesy of Kat N.L.M. at Flickr.com
Well take heart. There's a good reason for the abbreviation. And it has nothing to do with Christmas originating from a pagan holiday if that's what you're thinking. The reality is, the Xmas abbreviation is a lot more Christ honoring than most people know.

Sunday, December 21, 2014

The Man's guide to the best sex ever.

Teenage guys dream about sex the way little girls dream about having big weddings. They imagine it as often and as vividly as they can. Gross, I know. But most guys are just wired that way.

Photo courtesy of Thanh Tran at Flickr.com
We're designed to want sex the way many girls are designed to want to be cherished and loved. 
So then why do so many guys grow up, get married and struggle with unfulfilling sex lives?

Thursday, December 18, 2014

I'm beginning to worry that my wife knows what she's talking about

My wife is the most brilliant and spectacular woman I've ever met. But every time she gives me her opinion or advice, something goes off in my brain that says, "Nope! Nope, that can't possibly be right." And then I look stupid when she was right and I didn't listen.

This photo was shot by my friend Mik Sivak. He's a rock-star photographer whom I highly recommend.
I always hear older guys say they've learned to listen to their wives. And I just assumed those guys had given up after decades of being emasculated by marriage. But things keep happening that make me wonder if I'm wrong.

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

5 things you can do this Christmas heal relationships in your family

 My wife just gave me best Christmas present - National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation pajamas. I love them because when I was a kid, the Griswald's were a staple in my home. This was largely because of the way they nailed the portrayal of typical family dysfunction. 

Photo courtesy of Edsel Little at flickr.com
The best character in the movie is every family's worst nightmare - Cousin Eddie. He's the absolute personification of American white trash. One of the best scenes in the movie is Eddie standing in the street wearing a bath robe with a cigar and a beer, while he empties his motor home's toilet into the street.

Not everyone has a Cousin Eddie in their family. God save you if you do. But the Holidays are widely known as the time of year that we have to get together with the people in our families with whom we have tension. And that begs the question how do we heal relationships with years of tension and bitterness?

Sunday, December 14, 2014

What do honorable husbands do about all the hot girls at the gym?

I keep meeting more and more men who really want to honor their girl friends and wives by not looking around at other women. But that can be challenging when the vast majority of girls go out of their way to dress to impress.

Photo courtesy of Jeanette Goodrich at Flickr.com
As I talk with and mentor some of these guys, the question that keeps coming up is How do I honor my girl when I'm at the gym? For guys, keeping their eyes pointed in the right direction isn't terribly difficult in most social situations. But keeping your eyes from coming across hot, spandex covered girls at the gym is like trying not to get shot on D-day at Normandy Beach (though the guys on Normandy actually stood a better chance than you). 

So what does an honorable man do? 

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

We should be calling pastors out on these deadly sins

I probably don't need to tell you that pastors aren't perfect. Like anyone else, they're fundamentally flawed. Of course, they faith that Jesus loves them and has forgiven them. And hopefully God uses their faith as an example for hurting people in their community each week. But what about the pastors who are regularly committing the sins that they're warning everyone else to avoid?

Photo courtesy of Joseph Rose at Flickr.com

If a pastor is on the right track, he's following God's plan for his life. And, while he isn't perfect, he looks for opportunities to reject selfishness and become more like Jesus. But if he's on the wrong track, even in the little things, he has given selfishness a foothold which can shipwreck his faith (1 Tim. 1:19).

Thursday, December 4, 2014

How to help the addict in your life & the one thing needed to make change possible

All addicts ask themselves one question over and over again - How do I quit? It feels like it should be simple. If something is bad for you, just stop doing it. But addiction doesn't work like that. And many addicts will try anything and everything to quit, only to find themselves defeated and using again. And that's because being an addict is no different than having a chronic disease. It is a sickness that affects your decisions, and you can never completely get rid of it.

Photo courtesy of Juanjo Gutlerrez at Flickr.com

So then why are some addicts able to kick their addictions and maintain sobriety? What's different for them? Why do they get to live lives of freedom while so many others are living and dying with their addictions? The reason is simple. They have the one thing that is needed to kick any addiction. They have pain, and plenty of it. Let me explain.

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

How being strong for your girl puts your relationship in danger

When times get tough and tensions run high, it's the guys who are strong for their girls who end up alone. It seems counterintuitive doesn't it? We're supposed to be the strong ones aren't we? We are typically little bigger than they are, can frequently lift heavier things, and are often more logical (or at least we think we're more logical). It's build into our DNA to be the strong one in a relationship. So how can it possibly be a bad thing to be emotionally strong when our girlfriends or our wives are feeling weak?

Photo courtesy of Pedro Riberio Simoes at Flickr.com
The truth is, it's not a bad thing 100% of the time. For instance, when someone important to your girlfriend dies, it can be a really good thing for you to be strong for her. And when your kid is in the hospital, it can be essential for you to be strong for your wife. It's during the day to day trials that trying to be the strong one will become a burden to your relationship. Let me explain.

Sunday, November 30, 2014

How to get your wife to have more sex with you

Guys typically get stereotyped as animals who think about sex almost all the time, which is fine since that's not entirely inaccurate for many of us. The truth is, sex is a high priority for a lot of men, which doesn't make us bad. However, we tend to get a bad wrap because of the methods we employ in seeking it out.

Photo courtesy of Anne Marthe Widvey at Flickr.com (CC)
You should probably get that checked out.
Some guys are aggressive, trying to convince their wives that it's their job to 'put out' for their husbands. Some others threaten their women by saying things like, "It's an instinct. If I don't get it fulfilled here I'm afraid I'll go looking for it somewhere else".

Then there are the passive guys. They're the ones who have tricked even themselves into believing that they're being loving when they say things like, "If you really loved me, you'd want to make me happy". And there are even those of us who are passive aggressive enough that we become emotionally withholding when women won't give us what we want.

And as you're likely aware, none of the above methods are very romantic. They rarely lead to sex, and when they do, it's never good. The truth is, these attitudes are born out of a desire for more sex. And as we already said, wanting more of it isn't bad. But if the pursuit of more sex leads us to any of the above behaviors or attitudes, then we're in trouble. And what we need to realize is that infrequent sex isn't the problem. It's only a symptom of the problem.