The 7 Essential Elements of Leaving A Great Legacy

I'll never forget when my dad gave the eulogy at his dad's funeral. My dad is a highly experienced public speaker, but it's no small thing to try to sum up the life of a great man. And as I sat in the pew of the Lutheran church where the funeral was held, I realized that that's really what a legacy is - it's the summation of your life. When it's all said an done, your legacy is what your life boils down to. 

Photo courtesy of mbell1975 at flickr.com

So how do you leave a great legacy? Is there a formula? Can you even be intentional about it, or do you just do what you can and hope for the best? And if you are able to be intentional about leaving a legacy... how would you go about it?

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Dads and grandpas, here's why you're losing our respect

If there's anything a man wants to leave behind when his life is over, it's a great legacy. We're wired to want to be great and impact the world. It's the reason we build large businesses, strive to be great husbands and fathers, do scientific research, overcome impossible odds, and never stop working to become better.

Photo courtesy of Nicholas at Flickr.com

Many men have left incredible legacies behind. By working hard to stand for something more than themselves, men like Ghandi, George Washington, and Martin Luther King Jr. have left us asking what we're capable of.

And even beyond them, there are great men who never reached celebrity status who are shaping the world and leaving great legacies. They're husbands, fathers, and career minded men who become living examples of excellence to everyone around them. But as time and technology reshape our world, many men who might have once been great are proving themselves incredible fools to everyone around them.

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4 parenting half measures I'm striving to overcome

All parents pretty much have the same goal - to love their kids and teach them to be successful. Many parents have their own definitions of success. Some really want to teach their kids respect, others want their kids to be able to make a lot of money, and some just want their kids to be happy.

This photo was taken by Mik Sivak from Sivak Photography. He does spectacular work,

Regardless of what you value as a parent, we all want to see our kids succeed. But in spite of the greatest desires of parents, our world keeps churning out generation after generation of kids who are totally messed up. So what gives? Where is the disconnect? Where is it that parents are letting down their kids?

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What kind of IDIOT walks away from his dream job for something way harder?... This guy!

For the last four years, I have been doing my dream job. I've been employed at Moon Valley Bible Church as the Director of Sunday Services. Not only have I gotten to lead Moon Valley in worship each week, but I've had the chance to work alongside some of the finest members of the church I've ever known. So why am I leaving?

It's easy. I found a job that's way harder, that I've never done before, and that comes with next to no security! Let me explain.

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Can I convince you to start a blog? 4 Things I never expected to get out of blogging

A couple years ago, I had a really low opinion of bloggers. I thought they were ignorant, ego-centric people who were all wasting their time on something that no one would ever read. Because who reads blogs anyway?

As it turns out, just about everyone reads blogs. And I was the ignorant one. Then when I started my blog, I was equally as ignorant. When I started writing, I had only one thing in mind. I wanted to be popular. It wasn't until after nearly 6 months of writing that I realized I was still dumb. I had no idea what I was doing. And I needed swift kick in the pants.

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What you say to Christians who get all uppity about avoiding the Xmas abbreviation

Ever meet one of those people who says stuff like, "I hate it when they write Xmas instead of Christmas. They're trying to take Jesus right out of the holiday!" Ever wonder how to respond to those people?

Photo courtesy of Kat N.L.M. at Flickr.com

Well take heart. There's a good reason for the abbreviation. And it has nothing to do with Christmas originating from a pagan holiday if that's what you're thinking. The reality is, the Xmas abbreviation is a lot more Christ honoring than most people know.

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Fighting the nemesis of success

There are no less than 15 great reasons why I should NOT be writing this post right now. But none of them will help me become a writer that regularly and reliably helps people discover more potential in their lives.

Photo courtesy of Joe Newman at Flickr.com

And tonight, after getting home late from a wedding rehearsal, I feel exhausted. My body is tired, my mind is wiped, and there's nothing I'd like to do more than make a good excuse for not writing anything and to go play video games instead. But that won't do and here's why.

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We should be calling pastors out on these deadly sins

I probably don't need to tell you that pastors aren't perfect. Like anyone else, they're fundamentally flawed. Of course, they faith that Jesus loves them and has forgiven them. And hopefully God uses their faith as an example for hurting people in their community each week. But what about the pastors who are regularly committing the sins that they're warning everyone else to avoid?

Photo courtesy of Joseph Rose at Flickr.com

If a pastor is on the right track, he's following God's plan for his life. And, while he isn't perfect, he looks for opportunities to reject selfishness and become more like Jesus. But if he's on the wrong track, even in the little things, he has given selfishness a foothold which can shipwreck his faith (1 Tim. 1:19).

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How being strong for your girl puts your relationship in danger

When times get tough and tensions run high, it's the guys who are strong for their girls who end up alone. It seems counterintuitive doesn't it? We're supposed to be the strong ones aren't we? We are typically little bigger than they are, can frequently lift heavier things, and are often more logical (or at least we think we're more logical). It's build into our DNA to be the strong one in a relationship. So how can it possibly be a bad thing to be emotionally strong when our girlfriends or our wives are feeling weak?

Photo courtesy of Pedro Riberio Simoes at Flickr.com

The truth is, it's not a bad thing 100% of the time. For instance, when someone important to your girlfriend dies, it can be a really good thing for you to be strong for her. And when your kid is in the hospital, it can be essential for you to be strong for your wife. It's during the day to day trials that trying to be the strong one will become a burden to your relationship. Let me explain.

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The top 30 lessons from my 30 years of life

I typically don't like to talk about my age. Ever since I was in middle school, people have assumed that I'm older than I actually am. And I like to let them. It's opened many doors that would might have otherwise been closed.

As a teenager, I was able to buy tickets to R rated movies without an ID from the time I was 14. At the end of my Freshmen year of high school, I asked a group of seniors why they bullied my friends and never bullied me. They told me they thought I was a senior. And when I turned 21, I went to the grocery store to legally purchase a case of beer for the first time (which I did not drink, but that's a whole other story). I had to tell the cashier to card me.

Those things were nice, but they were novelties. I didn't learn the true value of appearing older until I was in my twenties. As I sought to grow in knowledge and faith, it has been easy to surround myself with 'peers' who are, in all actuality, a little older than me. And while many of the men in my life have been influential in the lives of guys 5-10 years younger than themselves, I'm typically the most influential to guys my age and at times even a little older.

But looks only go so far. And a person can look any age, but the truth is always discovered when people take a closer look. For that reason, it's important that the insides reflect the outsides. So I've made it my priority to grow in knowledge and wisdom as fast as I can. I've always wanted my insides to match my outsides.

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An update on the guy who sent my daughter a naughty text

If young men need one thing, aside from knowing they've been made with painstaking care in God's image, it's direct personal guidance from older men who have the experience they're after. When young men don't get this guidance, they tend to unwittingly go looking in the wrong place for it. That's when they turn to things like drugs, alcohol, degrading sex, porn, anger, violence, gangs, etc. They fill their lives with that stuff. And it's the reason we live in a country where 40% of children born today are going home without a father.

photo courtesy of Garry Knight at Flickr.com

It's not pretty to think about, especially when the solution is mind numbingly simple. All that young men need in order to get their lives back on track is enough pain to know they need to change, and a living example of a better life. Let me explain.

It's in the past
About 6 months ago, I posted about a conversation I had with a young man, in my church's youth group, who sent a naughty text to my daughter. I gave him a very direct and very blunt warning about respecting women. I told him that, if he didn't learn to respect other people, and specifically women, he was going to end up alone.

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Men, here's why settling down never ever means you're just settling.

We've all seen this before. A guy is having a conversation with his friends, and from the distance comes the voice of his wife, "Honey, will you come here?" He looks at the other guys with sad eyes, as if to say 'help me', and then walks away. After he's gone, his friends stand around and each make a jab at their emasculated buddy for being whipped.

Photo courtesy of Nathan Congleton at Flickr.com

Among young men today, there's a common mindset that goes like this: Marriage is the end of fun. 
And once I settle down, I'll be settling for a boring life. Now, most guys won't come right out and say that, but it's what they're thinking. And the numbers prove it.

A study from the Barna Group shows that marriage is on the decline among young people. In 2008, only 84% of Christians tied the knot, while 74% of non-Christian faith members got married, and only 65% of atheists and agnostics got married.

There are a slew of reasons that people are putting off and even avoiding marriage all-together. But not the least among them is the above mentioned mindset that says marriage is settling for less than the best.

And with that understanding of marriage, many of those same guys eventually get married. And in the end, it's what they don't understand that kills their marriage. And what they don't understand is this: it's impossible to settle in marriage. Let me explain.

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Crushing this seemingly innocent, but actually super evil attitude in my life. Join me.

When I first started working at Moon Valley Bible Church, my boss was this guy named David. He was a really bright church leader, who taught me a really important lesson. When it came to preparing for Sunday morning, he would say, "We're going to prepare as if 20,000 people are coming this Sunday." Then he led by example. And each week he would work his tail off to make everything about Sunday morning excellent. 

Photo courtesy of Morgan at Flickr.com

After a while, I picked up on David's attitude. I started working harder to plan ahead, and I began paying closer attention to details. Before long, preparation became part of my routine. And it felt great. 

A slippery slope

But fast forward a few years, and things have changed. Allison and I have another child, my role at the church has increased significantly and... I'm older and slightly worse for the wear. But most notably, that sense of hard work to make things great isn't as strong as it was. It slipped away so slowly I didn't even notice it. 

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My most hypocritical post ever: calling out people who call people out on the internet

First, let me just acknowledge the tremendous hypocrisy with which I am writing this post. I'm using the internet to call out people who call people out on the internet. But I'm assuming that if I haven't killed my credibility with you when I shared my dirty secret or how I responded to the kid who sent my daughter a naughty text, then hypocrisy probably won't sink the boat either.

I'm old enough to remember the era before the internet. I was just a kid at the time. So I acted like a kid, and when other kids acted like kids it was perfectly normal. And when I was around adults, I assumed they acted like adults - you know respectable, responsible, and all that other lame grown up stuff.

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Facing the recent criticism on my blog. And how to respond to criticism wherever it pops up.

This may come as a surprise, but occasionally people will read my blog and disagree with the things I write. Gasp! I know. And some of those people have been leaving comments to let me know how much they disagree with me. Wanting to be respectful to my commenters, I won't point specific ones out in this post. Instead, I'll simply acknowledge the types of criticism that have been I've seen.

Photo of adorable cats courtesy of Found Animals Foundation on Flickr.com

The recent criticisms that have popped up on Timhswanson.com have been in response to some of my family leadership posts, and the ideas in those post. But regardless of where criticism come from , or where it's directed, there are only two kinds of criticism. There's constructive criticism, which seeks to inform and educate you on how you can do better. And then there's good ol' regular criticism, which simply voices disagreements without any concern for being helpful.

Recently I've received comments containing both kinds of criticism. Some of it seems to be well placed and constructive. And some of it seems less than constructive. The hard part about it is that criticism is painful.

Even constructive criticism, if intentionally worded, can be needlessly hurtful. And while we all experience criticism from time to time, the truth is, criticism only serves to put the ball in our court by giving us a chance to respond. So as I continue working to discover more potential in my life, I'm faced with the challenging question - how will I respond to criticism?

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What every stay-at-home mom needs to hear from her husband

Some women dream of being stay-at-home moms. And that was certainly my wife's dream. But before we met, Allison was a career woman and single mom who worked her fingers to the bone providing for her two daughters. She was also enrolled in school to finish her undergraduate degree.

Photo courtesy of Nate at flickr.com

Then she met me, and that changed everything. During our ultra high speed dating and engagement, she told me she didn't like spending the vast majority of her time away from the girls. And even though we knew I would never make any real money working in ministry, we still decided in favor of her being a full time mom. And we didn't know it, but that was the beginning of one of the most terrifying journey's of her life.

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The one thing young punks need to become real men.

Not too long ago, I sat across a breakfast table from a young man who wasn't happy with his life. While his age made him an adult, he felt like he wasn't really a man. And he struggled with a lot of the basic necessities of adulthood, such as finances, integrity, work ethic, etc.

Photo courtesy of Nebojsa Bobic at flickr.com

As with most people, he was his own worst enemy. He admitted to me that one of his greatest hindrances to becoming the man was his own laziness and lack of self control. He was asking for help with problems that stemmed from deep within himself. 

I sat staring at him wondering How am I going to help this guy? Ultimately, the answer surprised even me. 

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Husbands, are you aware of the scariest thing your wife faces? Here's how you face it.

Last week my surgeon stood over me with a pair of over-sized medical tweezers inserted about two inches into an incision in my abdomen. My stomach was numb, so I couldn't feel anything. But I was wide awake and curiously watching him.

Photo courtesy of Avangard Photography at Flickr.com

He worked quietly for a few minutes, fishing around for a benign tumor that he was going to remove. Suddenly, he spoke up, "Dammit!"

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Look at what quitting porn did for me. You'll wonder why more guys aren't giving it up

How much does porn cost? Many of the guys reading this are thinking Uh, I only look at the free stuff. And the rest are thinking Great, he's going to give me a guilt trip by telling me how much it's costing my soul. 

Photo courtesy of nebojsa mladjenovic at Flickr.com

Nope. There are spiritual ramifications, but that's not what I'm talking about. There's a cost of looking at porn that the vast majority of guys don't ever calculate. It's not monetary, it's not spiritual, or even relational. In order to explain it, let me ask you another question.

How much time do you think guys spend looking at porn?

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My wife just won't bow down and submit. What do I do now?

Going against the cultural grain, Allison and I decided to pursue a marriage with old school gender roles - the kind that are getting a really bad rap these days. That means we adhere to the Bible's words that say:

"Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord... wives should submit to their husbands in everything." Ephesians 5:22 & 24

Feel like you're going to puke yet? Please bare with me (if you're a woman, bare feet are not necessary in baring with me). This is actually going somewhere helpful.

Of course I obtained Allison's permission before posting this picture of her making a sassy duck face.

So in our minds, it is Allison's job to follow me and let me lead our family, which is actually what she told me she was looking for when we were dating. We still talk about pretty much everything together, and make every effort to reach a consensus on decisions. But with many things, she simply says, "This is your call baby." Then she trusts me to lead.

Now, if you actually know Allison, this may come as somewhat of a surprise to you but she doesn't always do things exactly how I think she should. Sometimes letting me lead can be uncomfortable for her, and occasionally she even disagrees with me. #gasp! And when that happens conflict typically arises in our marriage, which is her fault, right?

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