Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Is it okay for a God fearing man to use lethal force to protect his family?

Guys, we inherently want to protect our families. Dying for them would be a no-brainer for the vast majority of us. We think about and many of us even prepare for the event where we have to stand up for them. But when it comes to God fearing men, is it okay to use lethal force to protect the lives of those we love and lead?

Photo courtesy of Michael Newhouse at Flickr.com
Legally, at least where I live, a man is well within his rights to use lethal force if he feels like himself his family is in immediate danger. But if it's his priority to honor God with his life, can he use his legal right. And if not, then what should he do instead?

Sunday, January 4, 2015

The sex and waiting talk that my teenager said was awesome

These days, it's hard to teach kids and teens to hold off on exploring sex. Whether you think it's best for them to wait for marriage or you just want them to wait until they're ready, convincing your kids to keep their bodies to themselves comes with a lot of challenges. 



We live in a world were sex is idolized and advertised to young people. Even books and movies aimed at teens are packed with sex appeal. It makes the idea of waiting sound really lame to our kids. And parents also have to contend with their own worst enemy - themselves.

I've always struggled to find a good way to talk to my kids about waiting because... I didn't wait. I believe that the absolute best thing for them is to wait until they're married to have sex. But I feel really hypocritical about trying to convince them to do something I've never done.

Then last week I found myself in the middle of a conversation with my teenage daughter, Alura.  And while I typically write about lessons that come out of my failures, this one was a tic in the win column. Here's how everything went down. And before I begin, I want to invite you to leave your thoughts and criticisms in the comment section below (and obviously, I got Alura's permission to post this).

Sunday, December 21, 2014

The Man's guide to the best sex ever.

Teenage guys dream about sex the way little girls dream about having big weddings. They imagine it as often and as vividly as they can. Gross, I know. But most guys are just wired that way.

Photo courtesy of Thanh Tran at Flickr.com
We're designed to want sex the way many girls are designed to want to be cherished and loved. 
So then why do so many guys grow up, get married and struggle with unfulfilling sex lives?

Thursday, December 18, 2014

I'm beginning to worry that my wife knows what she's talking about

My wife is the most brilliant and spectacular woman I've ever met. But every time she gives me her opinion or advice, something goes off in my brain that says, "Nope! Nope, that can't possibly be right." And then I look stupid when she was right and I didn't listen.

This photo was shot by my friend Mik Sivak. He's a rock-star photographer whom I highly recommend.
I always hear older guys say they've learned to listen to their wives. And I just assumed those guys had given up after decades of being emasculated by marriage. But things keep happening that make me wonder if I'm wrong.

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

5 things you can do this Christmas heal relationships in your family

 My wife just gave me best Christmas present - National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation pajamas. I love them because when I was a kid, the Griswald's were a staple in my home. This was largely because of the way they nailed the portrayal of typical family dysfunction. 

Photo courtesy of Edsel Little at flickr.com
The best character in the movie is every family's worst nightmare - Cousin Eddie. He's the absolute personification of American white trash. One of the best scenes in the movie is Eddie standing in the street wearing a bath robe with a cigar and a beer, while he empties his motor home's toilet into the street.

Not everyone has a Cousin Eddie in their family. God save you if you do. But the Holidays are widely known as the time of year that we have to get together with the people in our families with whom we have tension. And that begs the question how do we heal relationships with years of tension and bitterness?

Sunday, December 14, 2014

What do honorable husbands do about all the hot girls at the gym?

I keep meeting more and more men who really want to honor their girl friends and wives by not looking around at other women. But that can be challenging when the vast majority of girls go out of their way to dress to impress.

Photo courtesy of Jeanette Goodrich at Flickr.com
As I talk with and mentor some of these guys, the question that keeps coming up is How do I honor my girl when I'm at the gym? For guys, keeping their eyes pointed in the right direction isn't terribly difficult in most social situations. But keeping your eyes from coming across hot, spandex covered girls at the gym is like trying not to get shot on D-day at Normandy Beach (though the guys on Normandy actually stood a better chance than you). 

So what does an honorable man do? 

Sunday, November 30, 2014

How to get your wife to have more sex with you

Guys typically get stereotyped as animals who think about sex almost all the time, which is fine since that's not entirely inaccurate for many of us. The truth is, sex is a high priority for a lot of men, which doesn't make us bad. However, we tend to get a bad wrap because of the methods we employ in seeking it out.

Photo courtesy of Anne Marthe Widvey at Flickr.com (CC)
You should probably get that checked out.
Some guys are aggressive, trying to convince their wives that it's their job to 'put out' for their husbands. Some others threaten their women by saying things like, "It's an instinct. If I don't get it fulfilled here I'm afraid I'll go looking for it somewhere else".

Then there are the passive guys. They're the ones who have tricked even themselves into believing that they're being loving when they say things like, "If you really loved me, you'd want to make me happy". And there are even those of us who are passive aggressive enough that we become emotionally withholding when women won't give us what we want.

And as you're likely aware, none of the above methods are very romantic. They rarely lead to sex, and when they do, it's never good. The truth is, these attitudes are born out of a desire for more sex. And as we already said, wanting more of it isn't bad. But if the pursuit of more sex leads us to any of the above behaviors or attitudes, then we're in trouble. And what we need to realize is that infrequent sex isn't the problem. It's only a symptom of the problem.

Sunday, November 16, 2014

My wife and I had a big fight, and she put all marriage books to shame. Here's the definitive guide to solving marital strife!

The other day Allison and I had a little dispute. And when I say 'little dispute', I mean a fight. Lots of couples say they don't fight, but just because no one is yelling doesn't mean you're not fighting. Still many married people say, "we don't fight, we just disagree." That almost always means that they're newly married or lying. The truth is, nearly all married couples fight.


And that's what happened the other night with Allison and me. We didn't yell at each other and nobody threw anything, but it was pretty heated and it was about sex so you know it was a good one. 

Anyway, what was impressive wasn't the fight, but the way Allison responded to it. We've gone to marriage conferences, read books on marriage, and conflict. I even wrote an ebook on conflict... that you can get for free when you subscribe to my blog ;). But the way Allison responded to our little tiff the other day put all the conferences and books to shame. 

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Regular waitresses are teaching the key to limitless inspiration, don't miss out!

There's a little cafe near my house that I go to frequently. So frequently, in fact, that I don't even have to order anymore. When I sit down, my favorite waitress, Sherrie, brings me a cup of coffee and a number 1 (sunny-side up, hash browns, wheat toast).

Photo courtesy of Chris Goldberg at Flickr.com
There are a lot of things that make that cafe my favorite breakfast joint, but near the top of the list is that, in more than 5 years of eating there, Sherrie has never let my coffee cup sit empty for more than a minute or two. Every few minutes, she passes my table and tops me off. And I always drink way too much coffee when I go there. And curing a recent visit, Sherrie's service showed me where I had been missing out big time in my own life.

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

What every stay-at-home mom needs to hear from her husband

Some women dream of being stay-at-home moms. And that was certainly my wife's dream. But before we met, Allison was a career woman and single mom who worked her fingers to the bone providing for her two daughters. She was also enrolled in school to finish her undergraduate degree.

Photo courtesy of Nate at flickr.com
Then she met me, and that changed everything. During our ultra high speed dating and engagement, she told me she didn't like spending the vast majority of her time away from the girls. And even though we knew I would never make any real money working in ministry, we still decided in favor of her being a full time mom. And we didn't know it, but that was the beginning of one of the most terrifying journey's of her life.

Sunday, October 5, 2014

Debunking the number one myth about marrying single moms

Before we met, Allison was a single mom. For years she worked 50 hours a week to earn a meager living her her and her two daughters.

Then, almost exactly 4 years ago to the day, Allison and I first met after a church service where she attended and I was a guest worship leader. I felt like I was being a sly dog, checking her out from across the room. But she insists, I wasn't as sly as I think I was. 


Regardless, we hit it off instantly, and were married only five months later. During the first year of our marriage, we did what most couples do - we got acquainted with each others friends and family. And as we went to parties, weddings, and other events, people began to pay me the most peculiar compliment. 

They'd actually commend me on marrying Allison, saying things like, "It's so good what you're doing for those girls." And since then, I've met a dozen or so people who have said similar things. 

Thursday, October 2, 2014

The one thing young punks need to become real men.

Not too long ago, I sat across a breakfast table from a young man who wasn't happy with his life. While his age made him an adult, he felt like he wasn't really a man. And he struggled with a lot of the basic necessities of adulthood, such as finances, integrity, work ethic, etc.

Photo courtesy of Nebojsa Bobic at flickr.com
As with most people, he was his own worst enemy. He admitted to me that one of his greatest hindrances to becoming the man was his own laziness and lack of self control. He was asking for help with problems that stemmed from deep within himself. 

I sat staring at him wondering How am I going to help this guy? Ultimately, the answer surprised even me. 

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Some random red head became a sobering reminder, who may very well have saved my marriage.

Yesterday I had a rock star morning. First, an early breakfast with a judge, where we talked about one of my favorite things - mentoring. Then I shot over to the gym and burned through a 60 minute workout.

Photo courtesy of Anais at Flickr.com
Afterward, I stopped at CVS to get a victory bottle of Smart Water. When I got to the register, I already had my nose in my phone answering emails and sending texts for work. I felt so on top of everything. It was awesome. Then a young woman spoke up, and sent my awesome, victory, rock star feelings careening off the tracks.

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

An idiot's guide to fathering non-biological children

When Allison was pregnant with our son Silas, my oldest daughter Alura (not biologically mine) asked, "Dad, are you going to love Silas more than Scarlett and me?"


 I froze. How do you respond to something like that? Especially when I didn't have any biological children to compare her to. But I also sensed that no answer could be potentially worse than a poor answer. So I just started thinking out loud...

Thursday, September 18, 2014

My wife and My takeaways from two weeks with NO SEX!

Disclaimer: Obviously there are lots of guys and gals who abstain from sex for a lot longer than two weeks. Some couples just don't have sex very frequently, and that's normal and good for them. This post is in no way a judgement of the healthy frequency of sex within a marriage.  
 There's this verse in the Bible that that talks about fasting from sex in your marriage (1 Corinthians 7:5). Not too long ago I read it and prayed:

Dear Lord, that's a stupid idea. Amen.
Photo courtesy of Tina Franklin at Flickr.com (CC)

It seemed dumb to stop doing something that develops marital intimacy . And if I'm fasting from sex, what am I supposed to think about all the time? Fortunately for me, God has much greater vision for my marriage than I do.

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Husbands, are you aware of the scariest thing your wife faces? Here's how you face it.

Last week my surgeon stood over me with a pair of over-sized medical tweezers inserted about two inches into an incision in my abdomen. My stomach was numb, so I couldn't feel anything. But I was wide awake and curiously watching him.

Photo courtesy of Avangard Photography at Flickr.com
He worked quietly for a few minutes, fishing around for a benign tumor that he was going to remove. Suddenly, he spoke up, "Dammit!"