3 ways to give teenagers the respect they need to become mature adults

Alura was 12 when I married her mom and became her dad. At first, her need from me was simple. She needed to time to build trust. Now she's 16 and we've built a lot of trust, but her needs have changed too.

As a teenager, she still has lots of needs. But, in my mind, one stands above the rest. Like all teenagers, Alura needs to be respected by Allison and me.

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7 Things every son needs from his dad to become a man

Raising boys isn't easy. We live in a world that's increasingly designed to derail their lives and hurl them into a darkness futility, or worse. And the problem is compounded by the fact that our society doesn't have a unified definition of what it means to be a man. If you look around, manhood seems to be defined by who can make the most money, buy the most toys, and score with the most girls.

What doesn't add up is the fact that many of the world's richest playboys couldn't be more obviously unqualified as real men. Our sports figures are undone by their own wealth; getting into trouble with drugs, drunken driving, and domestic violence. Our politicians are undone by their influence; falling into incredible scandals. And our rock stars... well, we've learned not to expect too much from them.

Regardless of where you look, our culture doesn't present a solid example of what it means to be a good man, let alone a great man. So what are boys growing up in our world to do?

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Dads and grandpas, here's why you're losing our respect

If there's anything a man wants to leave behind when his life is over, it's a great legacy. We're wired to want to be great and impact the world. It's the reason we build large businesses, strive to be great husbands and fathers, do scientific research, overcome impossible odds, and never stop working to become better.

Photo courtesy of Nicholas at Flickr.com

Many men have left incredible legacies behind. By working hard to stand for something more than themselves, men like Ghandi, George Washington, and Martin Luther King Jr. have left us asking what we're capable of.

And even beyond them, there are great men who never reached celebrity status who are shaping the world and leaving great legacies. They're husbands, fathers, and career minded men who become living examples of excellence to everyone around them. But as time and technology reshape our world, many men who might have once been great are proving themselves incredible fools to everyone around them.

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Thankfully, I pranked my daughter until she cried

Parenting isn't an exact science... In fact it's not a science at all. It's more of an art. An art where the rules and methods change every day. Sometimes you screw up and it's bad. Other times you screw up and somehow it turns out good.

A few days ago I played a prank on Scarlett that left her in tears, but with the way things turned out neither of us would have it any other way.

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Taking the guess work out of finding God's call on your life

Have you ever met those Christians who are really confident in God's calling on their life. They say things like, "I just really sense his leading in my spirit." And then you smile and nod, all the while thinking, What? How come I can never sense anything in my spirit? Is this guy full of it, or is there something I don't know?

Photo courtesy of Hamed Saber at Flickr.com

Maybe you don't feel like you have the same highly refined spiritual sniffer that some people seem to have, but that's okay because you don't need it. God has already given you everything you need to know what exactly what direction he wants you to go. 

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How to relate with your stepkids about their baby daddies.

You've probably noticed that your girlfriend or wife doesn't have the best things to say about her ex(s), which makes good sense in light of the fact that their relationships didn't last. And it can be comforting to hear your girl talk about how much other men fall short of you. But when you date or marry someone who has kids with with their ex, that person takes on a whole new position in your life. And you have to learn to respond differently in turn. 

Photo courtesy of Damian Bakarcic at flickr.com

When you're raising someone else's kid, you're forced to face different aspects of their biological dad just by nature of the fact that you've got his offspring running around your house. And how you treat and talk about your child's baby daddy will have a huge impact on his/her life and relationship with you.

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Is it okay for a God fearing man to use lethal force to protect his family?

Guys, we inherently want to protect our families. Dying for them would be a no-brainer for the vast majority of us. We think about and many of us even prepare for the event where we have to stand up for them. But when it comes to God fearing men, is it okay to use lethal force to protect the lives of those we love and lead?

Photo courtesy of Michael Newhouse at Flickr.com

Legally, at least where I live, a man is well within his rights to use lethal force if he feels like himself his family is in immediate danger. But if it's his priority to honor God with his life, can he use his legal right. And if not, then what should he do instead?

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4 parenting half measures I'm striving to overcome

All parents pretty much have the same goal - to love their kids and teach them to be successful. Many parents have their own definitions of success. Some really want to teach their kids respect, others want their kids to be able to make a lot of money, and some just want their kids to be happy.

This photo was taken by Mik Sivak from Sivak Photography. He does spectacular work,

Regardless of what you value as a parent, we all want to see our kids succeed. But in spite of the greatest desires of parents, our world keeps churning out generation after generation of kids who are totally messed up. So what gives? Where is the disconnect? Where is it that parents are letting down their kids?

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Dads! How to teach your daughter to be a woman in today's world.

Being a woman today is exponentially more complicated than it was a hundred years ago. There was a time when all a woman needed to know was how to pop out kids and obey her husband. And it just ain't that way anymore.

Today, many women aren't just mothers. They're working mothers, which means they have to choose between the bottom line of the home and spending time with their kids. And married women aren't just housewives. They're co-executors of their homes alongside their husbands.

Things just aren't as simple as they used to be... which isn't a bad thing. I think the evolution of women's rights has obviously been a good thing. But if you're a Dad to a little girl, it does mean you have your work cut out for you.

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How to get more than one word answers out of asking your kids about their day.

If insanity is defined as repeating the same thing over and over and expecting a different result, then there are a lot of completely nut job parents out there. So many of us ask our kids the same barrage of lame questions every afternoon - Did you have a good day? How was school? What did you learn today? What do you have for homework? etc. 

Photo courtesy of Katie Laird at Flickr.com

And our questions always evoke the same uninspired answers from our kids - Fine. Nothing. I don't know, Whatever. And the worst thing about it is not that it's insanity. It's the fact that, when we have repetitive conversations with out kids, we are spending our time (just like we spend our money) and we have little to nothing to show for it.

We get precious little time with our kids. So it's important that we don't waste it. Fortunately for all of us, there are better ways.

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The sex and waiting talk that my teenager said was awesome

These days, it's hard to teach kids and teens to hold off on exploring sex. Whether you think it's best for them to wait for marriage or you just want them to wait until they're ready, convincing your kids to keep their bodies to themselves comes with a lot of challenges. 

We live in a world were sex is idolized and advertised to young people. Even books and movies aimed at teens are packed with sex appeal. It makes the idea of waiting sound really lame to our kids. And parents also have to contend with their own worst enemy - themselves.

I've always struggled to find a good way to talk to my kids about waiting because... I didn't wait. I believe that the absolute best thing for them is to wait until they're married to have sex. But I feel really hypocritical about trying to convince them to do something I've never done.

Then last week I found myself in the middle of a conversation with my teenage daughter, Alura.  And while I typically write about lessons that come out of my failures, this one was a tic in the win column. Here's how everything went down. And before I begin, I want to invite you to leave your thoughts and criticisms in the comment section below (and obviously, I got Alura's permission to post this).

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The Man's guide to the best sex ever.

Teenage guys dream about sex the way little girls dream about having big weddings. They imagine it as often and as vividly as they can. Gross, I know. But most guys are just wired that way.

Photo courtesy of Thanh Tran at Flickr.com

We're designed to want sex the way many girls are designed to want to be cherished and loved. 

So then why do so many guys grow up, get married and struggle with unfulfilling sex lives?

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I'm beginning to worry that my wife knows what she's talking about

My wife is the most brilliant and spectacular woman I've ever met. But every time she gives me her opinion or advice, something goes off in my brain that says, "Nope! Nope, that can't possibly be right." And then I look stupid when she was right and I didn't listen.

This photo was shot by my friend Mik Sivak. He's a rock-star photographer whom I highly recommend.

I always hear older guys say they've learned to listen to their wives. And I just assumed those guys had given up after decades of being emasculated by marriage. But things keep happening that make me wonder if I'm wrong.

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5 things you can do this Christmas heal relationships in your family

 My wife just gave me best Christmas present - National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation pajamas. I love them because when I was a kid, the Griswald's were a staple in my home. This was largely because of the way they nailed the portrayal of typical family dysfunction. 

Photo courtesy of Edsel Little at flickr.com

The best character in the movie is every family's worst nightmare - Cousin Eddie. He's the absolute personification of American white trash. One of the best scenes in the movie is Eddie standing in the street wearing a bath robe with a cigar and a beer, while he empties his motor home's toilet into the street.

Not everyone has a Cousin Eddie in their family. God save you if you do. But the Holidays are widely known as the time of year that we have to get together with the people in our families with whom we have tension. And that begs the question how do we heal relationships with years of tension and bitterness?

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Fighting the nemesis of success

There are no less than 15 great reasons why I should NOT be writing this post right now. But none of them will help me become a writer that regularly and reliably helps people discover more potential in their lives.

Photo courtesy of Joe Newman at Flickr.com

And tonight, after getting home late from a wedding rehearsal, I feel exhausted. My body is tired, my mind is wiped, and there's nothing I'd like to do more than make a good excuse for not writing anything and to go play video games instead. But that won't do and here's why.

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How to help the addict in your life & the one thing needed to make change possible

All addicts ask themselves one question over and over again - How do I quit? It feels like it should be simple. If something is bad for you, just stop doing it. But addiction doesn't work like that. And many addicts will try anything and everything to quit, only to find themselves defeated and using again. And that's because being an addict is no different than having a chronic disease. It is a sickness that affects your decisions, and you can never completely get rid of it.

Photo courtesy of Juanjo Gutlerrez at Flickr.com

So then why are some addicts able to kick their addictions and maintain sobriety? What's different for them? Why do they get to live lives of freedom while so many others are living and dying with their addictions? The reason is simple. They have the one thing that is needed to kick any addiction. They have pain, and plenty of it. Let me explain.

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How being strong for your girl puts your relationship in danger

When times get tough and tensions run high, it's the guys who are strong for their girls who end up alone. It seems counterintuitive doesn't it? We're supposed to be the strong ones aren't we? We are typically little bigger than they are, can frequently lift heavier things, and are often more logical (or at least we think we're more logical). It's build into our DNA to be the strong one in a relationship. So how can it possibly be a bad thing to be emotionally strong when our girlfriends or our wives are feeling weak?

Photo courtesy of Pedro Riberio Simoes at Flickr.com

The truth is, it's not a bad thing 100% of the time. For instance, when someone important to your girlfriend dies, it can be a really good thing for you to be strong for her. And when your kid is in the hospital, it can be essential for you to be strong for your wife. It's during the day to day trials that trying to be the strong one will become a burden to your relationship. Let me explain.

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How to get your wife to have more sex with you

Guys typically get stereotyped as animals who think about sex almost all the time, which is fine since that's not entirely inaccurate for many of us. The truth is, sex is a high priority for a lot of men, which doesn't make us bad. However, we tend to get a bad wrap because of the methods we employ in seeking it out.

Photo courtesy of Anne Marthe Widvey at Flickr.com (CC)

You should probably get that checked out.
Some guys are aggressive, trying to convince their wives that it's their job to 'put out' for their husbands. Some others threaten their women by saying things like, "It's an instinct. If I don't get it fulfilled here I'm afraid I'll go looking for it somewhere else".

Then there are the passive guys. They're the ones who have tricked even themselves into believing that they're being loving when they say things like, "If you really loved me, you'd want to make me happy". And there are even those of us who are passive aggressive enough that we become emotionally withholding when women won't give us what we want.

And as you're likely aware, none of the above methods are very romantic. They rarely lead to sex, and when they do, it's never good. The truth is, these attitudes are born out of a desire for more sex. And as we already said, wanting more of it isn't bad. But if the pursuit of more sex leads us to any of the above behaviors or attitudes, then we're in trouble. And what we need to realize is that infrequent sex isn't the problem. It's only a symptom of the problem.

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The top 30 lessons from my 30 years of life

I typically don't like to talk about my age. Ever since I was in middle school, people have assumed that I'm older than I actually am. And I like to let them. It's opened many doors that would might have otherwise been closed.

As a teenager, I was able to buy tickets to R rated movies without an ID from the time I was 14. At the end of my Freshmen year of high school, I asked a group of seniors why they bullied my friends and never bullied me. They told me they thought I was a senior. And when I turned 21, I went to the grocery store to legally purchase a case of beer for the first time (which I did not drink, but that's a whole other story). I had to tell the cashier to card me.

Those things were nice, but they were novelties. I didn't learn the true value of appearing older until I was in my twenties. As I sought to grow in knowledge and faith, it has been easy to surround myself with 'peers' who are, in all actuality, a little older than me. And while many of the men in my life have been influential in the lives of guys 5-10 years younger than themselves, I'm typically the most influential to guys my age and at times even a little older.

But looks only go so far. And a person can look any age, but the truth is always discovered when people take a closer look. For that reason, it's important that the insides reflect the outsides. So I've made it my priority to grow in knowledge and wisdom as fast as I can. I've always wanted my insides to match my outsides.

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The best parenting advice I've ever received

Being a parent is tough work. It's a 24/7 job that never ends. And it's hard enough without us making it harder on ourselves. But that's what a lot of parents do. They make parenting way more physically and emotionally painful than it has to be.

I'm familiar with this because I tend to do it to myself. When it comes to raising my kids, I complicate and confuse things with my own ego and attitude. And at first I didn't even realize I was doing it. But fortunately for me, I got a great piece of advice when I was just getting started that has made all the difference.

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