What kind of IDIOT walks away from his dream job for something way harder?... This guy!

For the last four years, I have been doing my dream job. I've been employed at Moon Valley Bible Church as the Director of Sunday Services. Not only have I gotten to lead Moon Valley in worship each week, but I've had the chance to work alongside some of the finest members of the church I've ever known. So why am I leaving?

It's easy. I found a job that's way harder, that I've never done before, and that comes with next to no security! Let me explain.

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Can I convince you to start a blog? 4 Things I never expected to get out of blogging

A couple years ago, I had a really low opinion of bloggers. I thought they were ignorant, ego-centric people who were all wasting their time on something that no one would ever read. Because who reads blogs anyway?

As it turns out, just about everyone reads blogs. And I was the ignorant one. Then when I started my blog, I was equally as ignorant. When I started writing, I had only one thing in mind. I wanted to be popular. It wasn't until after nearly 6 months of writing that I realized I was still dumb. I had no idea what I was doing. And I needed swift kick in the pants.

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5 things you can do this Christmas heal relationships in your family

 My wife just gave me best Christmas present - National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation pajamas. I love them because when I was a kid, the Griswald's were a staple in my home. This was largely because of the way they nailed the portrayal of typical family dysfunction. 

Photo courtesy of Edsel Little at flickr.com

The best character in the movie is every family's worst nightmare - Cousin Eddie. He's the absolute personification of American white trash. One of the best scenes in the movie is Eddie standing in the street wearing a bath robe with a cigar and a beer, while he empties his motor home's toilet into the street.

Not everyone has a Cousin Eddie in their family. God save you if you do. But the Holidays are widely known as the time of year that we have to get together with the people in our families with whom we have tension. And that begs the question how do we heal relationships with years of tension and bitterness?

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Fighting the nemesis of success

There are no less than 15 great reasons why I should NOT be writing this post right now. But none of them will help me become a writer that regularly and reliably helps people discover more potential in their lives.

Photo courtesy of Joe Newman at Flickr.com

And tonight, after getting home late from a wedding rehearsal, I feel exhausted. My body is tired, my mind is wiped, and there's nothing I'd like to do more than make a good excuse for not writing anything and to go play video games instead. But that won't do and here's why.

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How to get your wife to have more sex with you

Guys typically get stereotyped as animals who think about sex almost all the time, which is fine since that's not entirely inaccurate for many of us. The truth is, sex is a high priority for a lot of men, which doesn't make us bad. However, we tend to get a bad wrap because of the methods we employ in seeking it out.

Photo courtesy of Anne Marthe Widvey at Flickr.com (CC)

You should probably get that checked out.
Some guys are aggressive, trying to convince their wives that it's their job to 'put out' for their husbands. Some others threaten their women by saying things like, "It's an instinct. If I don't get it fulfilled here I'm afraid I'll go looking for it somewhere else".

Then there are the passive guys. They're the ones who have tricked even themselves into believing that they're being loving when they say things like, "If you really loved me, you'd want to make me happy". And there are even those of us who are passive aggressive enough that we become emotionally withholding when women won't give us what we want.

And as you're likely aware, none of the above methods are very romantic. They rarely lead to sex, and when they do, it's never good. The truth is, these attitudes are born out of a desire for more sex. And as we already said, wanting more of it isn't bad. But if the pursuit of more sex leads us to any of the above behaviors or attitudes, then we're in trouble. And what we need to realize is that infrequent sex isn't the problem. It's only a symptom of the problem.

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The top 30 lessons from my 30 years of life

I typically don't like to talk about my age. Ever since I was in middle school, people have assumed that I'm older than I actually am. And I like to let them. It's opened many doors that would might have otherwise been closed.

As a teenager, I was able to buy tickets to R rated movies without an ID from the time I was 14. At the end of my Freshmen year of high school, I asked a group of seniors why they bullied my friends and never bullied me. They told me they thought I was a senior. And when I turned 21, I went to the grocery store to legally purchase a case of beer for the first time (which I did not drink, but that's a whole other story). I had to tell the cashier to card me.

Those things were nice, but they were novelties. I didn't learn the true value of appearing older until I was in my twenties. As I sought to grow in knowledge and faith, it has been easy to surround myself with 'peers' who are, in all actuality, a little older than me. And while many of the men in my life have been influential in the lives of guys 5-10 years younger than themselves, I'm typically the most influential to guys my age and at times even a little older.

But looks only go so far. And a person can look any age, but the truth is always discovered when people take a closer look. For that reason, it's important that the insides reflect the outsides. So I've made it my priority to grow in knowledge and wisdom as fast as I can. I've always wanted my insides to match my outsides.

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An update on the guy who sent my daughter a naughty text

If young men need one thing, aside from knowing they've been made with painstaking care in God's image, it's direct personal guidance from older men who have the experience they're after. When young men don't get this guidance, they tend to unwittingly go looking in the wrong place for it. That's when they turn to things like drugs, alcohol, degrading sex, porn, anger, violence, gangs, etc. They fill their lives with that stuff. And it's the reason we live in a country where 40% of children born today are going home without a father.

photo courtesy of Garry Knight at Flickr.com

It's not pretty to think about, especially when the solution is mind numbingly simple. All that young men need in order to get their lives back on track is enough pain to know they need to change, and a living example of a better life. Let me explain.

It's in the past
About 6 months ago, I posted about a conversation I had with a young man, in my church's youth group, who sent a naughty text to my daughter. I gave him a very direct and very blunt warning about respecting women. I told him that, if he didn't learn to respect other people, and specifically women, he was going to end up alone.

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My wife and I had a big fight, and she put all marriage books to shame. Here's the definitive guide to solving marital strife!

The other day Allison and I had a little dispute. And when I say 'little dispute', I mean a fight. Lots of couples say they don't fight, but just because no one is yelling doesn't mean you're not fighting. Still many married people say, "we don't fight, we just disagree." That almost always means that they're newly married or lying. The truth is, nearly all married couples fight.

And that's what happened the other night with Allison and me. We didn't yell at each other and nobody threw anything, but it was pretty heated and it was about sex so you know it was a good one. 

Anyway, what was impressive wasn't the fight, but the way Allison responded to it. We've gone to marriage conferences, read books on marriage, and conflict. I even wrote an ebook on conflict... that you can get for free when you subscribe to my blog ;). But the way Allison responded to our little tiff the other day put all the conferences and books to shame. 

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My most hypocritical post ever: calling out people who call people out on the internet

First, let me just acknowledge the tremendous hypocrisy with which I am writing this post. I'm using the internet to call out people who call people out on the internet. But I'm assuming that if I haven't killed my credibility with you when I shared my dirty secret or how I responded to the kid who sent my daughter a naughty text, then hypocrisy probably won't sink the boat either.

I'm old enough to remember the era before the internet. I was just a kid at the time. So I acted like a kid, and when other kids acted like kids it was perfectly normal. And when I was around adults, I assumed they acted like adults - you know respectable, responsible, and all that other lame grown up stuff.

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Theology vs. simple minds, and a word of caution to smarty pants Bible students [Quote]

I sat in the back of the classroom rubbing my forehead and listening to my professor explain Soteriology (which is a fancy term for the study of Jesus' forgiveness of our sins). He explained the surprisingly vast views of Catholics, Lutherans, Calvinists, Armenians, and a few other sects of Jesus' followers.

Photo courtesy of SMB College at Flickr.com

At some point during his lecture, after my eyes glazed over from the complexity of the issue, a question popped into my head. I thought, Wait a minute! If the gospel is for everyone, doesn't it need to be simple enough for even the simplest of people to understand it?

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The crucial difference between Jesus and the Devil, and what it means for your mind

If I asked you to, in one word, describe what the Devil does, what would you say? Most people (at least the ones I asked) would say "the tempter" or "the tormentor" or something like that. And those answers are accurate.

Photo courtesy of Willaim Brawley at Flickr.com

There is, however, another distinct title that bares more weight, especially to Christians. And you need to know about it.

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My atheist neighbor knows God's heart for evangelism better than most Christians [Video]

So, I totally reneged on the commitment I made last week. I wrote about how I typically ignore the verses that my boss gives me to preach on, and this time I really wanted to stick with the given text for once. Then I threw it out anyway. But only because I found a really awesome one. 

My church's current series, Domino Effect, has been about God's plan to save the world. Part of the plan is Jesus' death on the cross and resurrection. And the other part of the plan is us. God has always intended to work through His people to save the world. 

The sermon below is about three types of Christians, and how they approach the sharing of the gospel. And here's a spoiler alert, two of them are not helpful. And the Bible only calls us to one of them. 

So please give the sermon a watch or a listen, and then feel free to stick your thoughts, questions, or constructive criticisms in the comment section below. I also included a synopsis of the sermon below in case you're unable to watch the video. 

Having trouble viewing this video?  Click here to watch. from moonvalley on Vimeo.

If you're unable to watch the video, here's a synopsis of the sermon. 

God wants to save the world, and He wants to use us to do it. So He's called us to lean toward our neighbors with love (Matt. 22:39, Mark 12:31). And in Colossians 4:5-6, Paul addresses the way we're supposed to talk to our neighbors while we're leaning toward them. He says:

"Walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of the time. Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person." Colossians 4:5-6

Paul's words point out three kinds of Christians that live today, but only one of these three Christians takes an approach that is helpful in sharing the gospel with most people. So we'll use these three kinds of Christians as a framework for explaining Paul's words. Here they are.

Silent Stan
There's a mentality among some Christians that goes like this: We want to live our lives in such a way that our actions share our faith without any need for words. Here's the only problem with that - it doesn't work.

Our faith is such a central part of our lives, that we're bound to talk about it. And Paul's words acknowledge that. When it comes to communicating with outsiders, he says, "Let your speech be always gracious."

The implication here is that, as we interact with other people, we will talk about our faith. And claiming that we can do so without using words doesn't make any sense. It'd be as if  I claimed that the wedding ring on my finger clearly communicates everything my friends need to know about my marriage.

In reality, no one knows me for very long before I tell them about my wife, and how awesome she is. And the reality is this - if we have a living, growing relationship with Jesus, we're going to talk about it.

Megaphone Mike
This title belongs to Christians who see every non-Christian a conversion challenge to present the Gospel. His attitude says: If you don't know Jesus, I'm going to tell you about Him, no matter what. He's got a really noble heart. Unfortunately, he's relationally def and blind.

When his non-Christian friends and neighbors are talking to him, they sense that he's only listening to them in as far as he has to in order to jerk the conversation back to where he needs it so that he can give them a full gospel presentation.

Paul confronts the attitude of this guy with his very next phrase, "Let your speech be always gracious" His words call us to use common sense and authentic love when it comes to conversations with people who don't know Jesus. And that requires a totally different kind of attitude.

Authentic Andy
This is the attitude that Paul is calling Christians to. He says, "Let your speech be... seasoned with salt" And the imagery here is that there's a level of measuring that comes with quality interactions with you and your non-Christian neighbor.

If Silent Stan is represented by almost no salt and Megaphone Mike is represented by way too much salt, then Authentic Andy sits somewhere in the middle. He wants to make the best use of his time. And while he's not afraid to talk about his faith, he also ensures that his conversations are seasoned with salt and not containing an unwanted and off-putting gospel presentation.

My interaction with an Atheist. 
Last week, Allison and Invited our neighbors over for dinner. They don't go to church. In fact, Alex (the husband) identifies himself as an atheist.

At some point during the evening we ended up talking about our beliefs. And while I don't want to give out our whole conversation, I do want to share some of the text message that Alex sent me the following day. He said, "Thanks for reaching out and suggesting dinner last night. We had a really great time... I appreciate so much connecting with you on a human level, knowing that religion is always present, but like you said last night, never a hidden agenda."

I think that my neighbor, Alex, nailed the heart of Paul's words when he said, "religion is always present, but... never a hidden agenda," He nailed it so well, in fact, that I used his words as the big idea for my sermon.

This week as you interact with you neighbors and contemplate sharing your faith, think about the words of an atheist:

Let your faith be, "always present, but never a hidden agenda."

Please leave your comments in the section below. Thanks for reading.

Tim

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Babies hold the universal secret to an awesome prayer life

Prayer can be so frustrating. Not only is it hard to find time to pray, but when you finally sit down to dig in it can feel almost impossible to focus.

At least, that was always my problem. In the past, I've often left prayer times feeling more anxious than when I sat down. I felt like I just couldn't get it. Then not too long ago, I felt God calling me to pray more. I told Him I wasn't any good at it, and He revealed the secret to me - through my two year old son. 

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The one thing young punks need to become real men.

Not too long ago, I sat across a breakfast table from a young man who wasn't happy with his life. While his age made him an adult, he felt like he wasn't really a man. And he struggled with a lot of the basic necessities of adulthood, such as finances, integrity, work ethic, etc.

Photo courtesy of Nebojsa Bobic at flickr.com

As with most people, he was his own worst enemy. He admitted to me that one of his greatest hindrances to becoming the man was his own laziness and lack of self control. He was asking for help with problems that stemmed from deep within himself. 

I sat staring at him wondering How am I going to help this guy? Ultimately, the answer surprised even me. 

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My atheist neighbor has been a better Christian than me.

The goal of all Christian/Non-Christian relationships is for us to declare the gospel to them through our actions and words... right?

Photo courtesy of Steve Snodgrass at flickr.com

Obviously, we're supposed to share the gospel with the world (Matt 28:19-20). But I'm beginning to think there's possibly a way to take the Great Commission too far. And before anyone builds a cross on which to crucify me for saying that, let me explain. 

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Some random red head became a sobering reminder, who may very well have saved my marriage.

Yesterday I had a rock star morning. First, an early breakfast with a judge, where we talked about one of my favorite things - mentoring. Then I shot over to the gym and burned through a 60 minute workout.

Photo courtesy of Anais at Flickr.com

Afterward, I stopped at CVS to get a victory bottle of Smart Water. When I got to the register, I already had my nose in my phone answering emails and sending texts for work. I felt so on top of everything. It was awesome. Then a young woman spoke up, and sent my awesome, victory, rock star feelings careening off the tracks.

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The stupid thing that, if you ask for it, will revolutionize your prayer life.

Do you pray as often as you'd like to?

If you're like the vast majority of Christians, the answer is no. For many it feels impossible to chisel out a few minutes to hit their knees during busy days. For others praying just feels like a clunky awkward process that is, even if they won't admit it, a little intimidating.

photo courtesy of Jillian at Flickr.com

Whatever the reason, prayer just doesn't seem to make it onto the daily task list. Lots of people have even challenged themselves to pray more regularly, saying,  I'll just make sure I pray every morning before I get out of bed. The really ambitious ones even planned a daily time of prayer and devotion (which some Christians seem to believe are prerequisites to getting into heaven). But eventually things got in the way. At least that's what happened to me.

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Look at what quitting porn did for me. You'll wonder why more guys aren't giving it up

How much does porn cost? Many of the guys reading this are thinking Uh, I only look at the free stuff. And the rest are thinking Great, he's going to give me a guilt trip by telling me how much it's costing my soul. 

Photo courtesy of nebojsa mladjenovic at Flickr.com

Nope. There are spiritual ramifications, but that's not what I'm talking about. There's a cost of looking at porn that the vast majority of guys don't ever calculate. It's not monetary, it's not spiritual, or even relational. In order to explain it, let me ask you another question.

How much time do you think guys spend looking at porn?

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7 inspirational actions my wife took have been crucial to making our blended family work

Right now, our culture is in the middle of a huge change. Divorce has become more popular than - not divorce. Directly behind the divorce trend is the increasing rate of people who are just putting off marriage all together. And as divorced, single and widowed parents marry and remarry, we're left with a whole new kind of family - the blended family.

This is the fam with Alura's bio dad, Ryan, on the right. He's awesome.

But how do you make blended family work? First of all, the very term blended family assumes a certain amount of pain and baggage from previous affiliations. Divorced people have all been through a divorce. Widowed people have walked through the death of a loved one. And single people typically always face the crushing loneliness that comes with - well, being alone. So in a world where the term 'blended family' covers so many different scenarios, is there reliable advice that is applicable to all of them? Yes!

Learning from a natural

When I was single, I made two simple promises to myself. I would not fall in love with someone older than me. And I would never marry a woman who already had kids (too much baggage you see). After I made myself those promises, I did the next most logical thing. I married a woman who's five years older than me with two daughters. Brilliant, I know. 

There was something special about Allison. She wasn't like any other girl I had ever known. She had looks and brains and more than anything she loved Jesus. It was the hotness trifecta. But even when I married her, I had no idea what a good deal I was getting. You see, Allison was a natural when it came to making our blended family work. And as I watched and listened and learned about family from her, I distilled some basic principles that are essential to making blended family of any type work. Here are just a few. 

She set the standard for my authority with the kids. Authority looks a little different in every family. Allison and I decided on an old fashion model where dad is the leader of the household (her words). We still make nearly all of our decisions together, but she let the kids know where everything stood.

After we got married, she said, "Girls, you don't have to call Tim 'dad' if you don't want to, but he is the dad of this house, and you'll give him the respect of a dad." Even I was like dang, she's intense. But it was a really good move on her part that set the pace for our home. Now both of my girls have opted to call me daddy, and they respect me as their father, largely because of what Allison told them when we first got married. 

She let me know where I needed to let the kids have control. I won't open the Costco sized can of worms that is the past of my wife and daughters. But needless to say, they brought some baggage to the table. It's cool, I did too. But some of the baggage was related to men in their past who had let Allison and the girls down, and others who even hurt them. For that reason it was important for me to let my new daughters have control over how quickly I moved from being mom's boyfriend, to dad, to daddy.

It required a teachable attitude on my part, but it was 100% the right thing for my girls.  

My wife does the things that we hope our daughters will do if and when they get married. People are giving gender roles a bad rap these days, but Allison and I have come to value a lot of the traditional gender roles that previous generations have used. For instance, she's a stay at home mom and I work to support our family. We're poorer than dirt, but it gives her the chance to do something that I've seen so many working women heartbroken over losing - Allison gets to raise our kids. Worth it.

It's not that working moms are bad. My mom worked my whole life, and she's a excellent mother. But our hope is that our girls will see the value in Allison's sacrificial support of our family, and emulate it.

Allison spares no effort in taking responsibility for her own mistakes. This is probably the most difficult one for most people. It's always easier to blame the other person than it is to take responsibility for your side of a disagreement or argument or whatever. But Allison didn't do that. 

When things got tense between us, she'd take a deep breath, and tell me what she thought she had done to contribute to the tension. That made a huge impression on me every time. Even when I felt really angry. Her simple act of humility and honesty always triggered, in me, a sense of admiration for her. Then I would begin to think about what I had done to contribute to tension. 

She didn't put the mistakes of her ex's on me. Nearly everybody knows what its like to get burned by a boyfriend or girlfriend. After you've been burned enough times, it can be tempting to keep your guard up, even when you've moved into a new relationship. Then, before you know it , you've got walls up for your new mate, who hasn't even done anything. 

Allison was amazing at leaving the wrongs of her ex's in the past, where they belong. When she felt afraid or triggered by something I said, she'd tell me how she was feeling, and let me know that it wasn't my fault. 

Allison took risks in letting me lead. When she married me, I was 26 years old - only 13 years older than my oldest daughter. But when it came to deciding what school our oldest daughter would attend after elementary school, she gave me equal shares with her in the decision. 

It's risky to trust someone new, especially if you've been hurt in the past. But when it comes to a new person that you've recently married, you have to take that risk and give real trust. It's necessary for building intimacy. When Allison asked me what I thought about Alura's schooling, it made me feel like she was really in it with me for the long haul. 

These are the most valuable things my wife did to make our blended family work. Obviously there are more. And I bet you know at least one or two. So leave your number one tip, on making a blended family work, in the comment section below. 

Thanks for reading!

Tim

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My embarrassing one on one with baseball celeb Louis Gonzales proves my blog is already successful!

This is a little embarrassing to admit, but I do not understand sports. Not even a little. When other guys stand around talking about how many touchdowns the Cowboys got last week, I'm the guy that's like, "Touchdowns, that's football right?" I'm not even exaggerating. It's that bad.

So obviously I wouldn't be familiar with any sports celebrities like, oh say, Luis Gonzalez, who (from what I'm told) hit a game winning single that broke 2-2 tie with the New York Yankees and won the World Series for the Diamondbacks in 2001. That's a pretty amazing fact, and one I wish I was antiquated with before I met him.

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