Can I convince you to start a blog? 4 Things I never expected to get out of blogging

A couple years ago, I had a really low opinion of bloggers. I thought they were ignorant, ego-centric people who were all wasting their time on something that no one would ever read. Because who reads blogs anyway?

As it turns out, just about everyone reads blogs. And I was the ignorant one. Then when I started my blog, I was equally as ignorant. When I started writing, I had only one thing in mind. I wanted to be popular. It wasn't until after nearly 6 months of writing that I realized I was still dumb. I had no idea what I was doing. And I needed swift kick in the pants.

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My wife and I had a big fight, and she put all marriage books to shame. Here's the definitive guide to solving marital strife!

The other day Allison and I had a little dispute. And when I say 'little dispute', I mean a fight. Lots of couples say they don't fight, but just because no one is yelling doesn't mean you're not fighting. Still many married people say, "we don't fight, we just disagree." That almost always means that they're newly married or lying. The truth is, nearly all married couples fight.

And that's what happened the other night with Allison and me. We didn't yell at each other and nobody threw anything, but it was pretty heated and it was about sex so you know it was a good one. 

Anyway, what was impressive wasn't the fight, but the way Allison responded to it. We've gone to marriage conferences, read books on marriage, and conflict. I even wrote an ebook on conflict... that you can get for free when you subscribe to my blog ;). But the way Allison responded to our little tiff the other day put all the conferences and books to shame. 

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Babies hold the universal secret to an awesome prayer life

Prayer can be so frustrating. Not only is it hard to find time to pray, but when you finally sit down to dig in it can feel almost impossible to focus.

At least, that was always my problem. In the past, I've often left prayer times feeling more anxious than when I sat down. I felt like I just couldn't get it. Then not too long ago, I felt God calling me to pray more. I told Him I wasn't any good at it, and He revealed the secret to me - through my two year old son. 

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The stupid thing that, if you ask for it, will revolutionize your prayer life.

Do you pray as often as you'd like to?

If you're like the vast majority of Christians, the answer is no. For many it feels impossible to chisel out a few minutes to hit their knees during busy days. For others praying just feels like a clunky awkward process that is, even if they won't admit it, a little intimidating.

photo courtesy of Jillian at Flickr.com

Whatever the reason, prayer just doesn't seem to make it onto the daily task list. Lots of people have even challenged themselves to pray more regularly, saying,  I'll just make sure I pray every morning before I get out of bed. The really ambitious ones even planned a daily time of prayer and devotion (which some Christians seem to believe are prerequisites to getting into heaven). But eventually things got in the way. At least that's what happened to me.

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My wife just won't bow down and submit. What do I do now?

Going against the cultural grain, Allison and I decided to pursue a marriage with old school gender roles - the kind that are getting a really bad rap these days. That means we adhere to the Bible's words that say:

"Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord... wives should submit to their husbands in everything." Ephesians 5:22 & 24

Feel like you're going to puke yet? Please bare with me (if you're a woman, bare feet are not necessary in baring with me). This is actually going somewhere helpful.

Of course I obtained Allison's permission before posting this picture of her making a sassy duck face.

So in our minds, it is Allison's job to follow me and let me lead our family, which is actually what she told me she was looking for when we were dating. We still talk about pretty much everything together, and make every effort to reach a consensus on decisions. But with many things, she simply says, "This is your call baby." Then she trusts me to lead.

Now, if you actually know Allison, this may come as somewhat of a surprise to you but she doesn't always do things exactly how I think she should. Sometimes letting me lead can be uncomfortable for her, and occasionally she even disagrees with me. #gasp! And when that happens conflict typically arises in our marriage, which is her fault, right?

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4 awesome steps to navigating uncertainty and finding God's will for your life.

"Is this really the church where God wants our young family?" That's the question my wife asked me about a month before our wedding. I was working at a church plant that was about a 45 minute drive from my home, and was actually in a different city. And I was making about a third of what I needed to support my new family. But not feeling certain about how to answer my wife's question, I regurgitated something I've heard other Christian men say - Let's pray about it. 

Photo courtesy of Adam Ooi at Flickr.com

Three days later, my boss asked me to submit my resignation so they could go a different direction with the music. It wasn't the answer to prayer I was looking for. Immediately, I started looking around for church jobs. I must have submitted my resume to twenty different churches in the month before our wedding. Then our wedding day came, and I still didn't have a job. So my wife married an unemployed musician. I'm sure her family was thrilled.

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Where my mind actually was, while I was leading worship, last Sunday.

Last Sunday, I was standing on stage, leading the congregation in singing. I was also completely tuned out. I was singing and smiling, but my mind was somewhere else.

Photo courtesy of David Joyce at Flickr.com

Just before the service started, one of the church's regular attenders walked into the auditorium. His hair was disheveled, and he had big low hanging bags under his eyes. He schluffed across the room to where I was standing, and asked if I had a minute to talk before the service. 

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Great God & The Strawberry Fields

It was a lazy afternoon during my families vacation in Carbondale, Illinois. My sister said, "Do you want to take the kids to go pick strawberries?"

If I'm being honest, I thought to myself that sounds like some medium-low fun. But then I also thought about how much fun it would probably be for my kids, so I agreed to go. And I'm glad I did, because as it just so happened, God was at the strawberry fields. 

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Dang! The Response I Got After Revealing My Secret

Last Monday, I revealed my dirty little secret. At the beginning of the post, I admitted I was a little nervous to talk about something that's so potentially embarrassing. But I hit the 'Publish' button anyway, and asked God to use my story however He would. Then I closed my laptop and had breakfast with my wife.

Throughout the day I got a few texts from some of my pastor buddies thanking me for being transparent. That was encouraging. Then at the end of they day, I sat down to check on what kind of engagement the post got on my social media channels. I was totally blown away by what I found. 

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Encore Post: Unrelenting, Heart Stopping, Sheer Terror!

I'm taking this week to work on my ebook, 'Good Fight', and a couple other writing projects. While I'm refocusing, I'll be re-posting my most popular articles as measured by the number of page views they've received. Enjoy!

Tim H. Swanson


The day was beautiful beyond words. Fluffy white clouds wandered through the sky above our heads. A mild breeze moved the tree branches about and made a calming 'swishing' sound. Surrounded by white capped mountains on every side, we were four days away from civilization on the path to the Pindari Glacier in the Himalaya mountains. The pain in our feet was of little concern to us as we stared at the majesty of God's creation.

The Team in front of the Pindari Glacier.

We walked through thick patches of lush greenery and past streams of crystal clear water during our days of travel. At one point, our path led us through a massive meadow on a west facing mountain slope. I stopped next to one of my fellow trekkers to admire the scenery. The meadow was carpeted with ankle high yellow and orange flowers sprinkled with tiny yellow fluttering butterflies. With all of it's magnificence, this place evoked pure serenity.

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!" The shrill scream cut through the air of the meadow as a young lady in our group ran full speed across the plane. Her pack, which was almost bigger than she was, swung from side to side nearly knocking her to the ground as she trampled the flowers. My fellow trekker and I stood still. Only our heads moved to follow the young lady who ran as if she were on fire.

Along the way we ran into a shepherd.

It's called Lepidopterophobia. It is the irrational fear of butterflies (and moths). I had never heard of it before the trek, but this phobia had my full attention as I watched the young lady run clear through the meadow and on until she was out of sight. While my friend and I took in everything those mountains had to offer and stood in awe of creation, she was blind to all of it. To her there was only one thing on that mountain side - butterflies. Her fear of those tiny winged creatures overshadowed everything else. She overlooked all of the splendor of that place because of tiny indifferent bugs that couldn't even hurt you if they wanted to.

It sounds silly to me that something so small had so much influence in her life. But as I've reflected on that day I've come to an unnerving conclusion: I do the same thing! If I'm really honest, fear permeates just about every area of my life. Last night before I went to bed, I took inventory of the places where fear influences my day. I realized that fear is part of every waking moment for me. When I drive, I worry about how my driving looks to other drivers. At work, I worry about making bad decisions, offending people, falling behind, looking inept, etc. At home I worry about failing in my marriage, letting my children down, letting my wife down, and much much more. I could go on for quite some time. When I started writing this, I thought the fear of butterflies was silly. And now, if I could trade all of my fears for one irrational fear of butterflies, I would do it in a heartbeat.

A photo of the lush greenery

How about you? How does fear influence your life? Maybe you don’t give fear any power over you. If that’s the case then you should find someone who has lots of fear and rub off on them. But if you’re more like me, then fear is overpowering. While I have not conquered my fears, I have made some real progress in the last few years that I didn’t think was possible. So now I’d like to give you three basic steps to begin approaching your fear. These things have been the only steps that have worked for me, and a lot of other people I’ve come to know.

1. Pray. At this point you may be saying, “Tim, that’s your answer for everything.” You’re dang straight it is. And it should be yours too. Specifically, pray for wisdom. In James 1:2-8, James tells the newly formed church to consider their trials as joy. That may sound like a stupid suggestion, I know it did to me at first. But that is not James’ suggestion, he proposes joy as a goal. The idea is that we look at the things that scare us as opportunities to grow and learn, and when we get excited about that kind of growth, then trials can produce joy. And he doesn’t leave us without tools to accomplish the goal. In verse 5 he says, “If anyone lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given to him.” Prayer will never steer you in the wrong direction.

2. Invest in Sympathetic Community. I know a lot of people who have done well trusting 12 step programs, I am one of those people. Another excellent community to pursue is the church. I realize that these communities can be a scary proposition for a lot of people. They probably should be, they’re full of imperfect people. But that is not a reason to do away with them all together. You’ll find the same hypocritical, judgmental, narrow minded people at church, work, clubs, bars, gyms, or anywhere else you go. The idea is not that these places will save you, only Jesus does that. But as you meet new people you’ll build fond memories and difficult ones at the same time. Only, when you go into these places with wisdom from God, you’ll even find joy in the difficult memories because they will produce valuable lessons.

3. Find Yourself A Trusted Adviser. Trusting people can be really scary. But it would be foolish for us to let our fear of other people rule the day. There is no shame in wading slowly into scary waters. What I do is look for someone who has something I want. Then I ask him/her how to get it. Today I have several excellent advisers. My wife is my only female advisor. She is a good one for me because she sees areas that tend to be my blind spots. I can always get some insight by asking her opinion. I also have a sponsor through my 12 step program. He is a guy who has dealt with similar fears to mine and has experienced the kind of success that I want. My father is another one of my trusted advisers. I am a lot like him, and he is a lot older than me. Going to him is almost like looking into my future in many ways. He has experienced a lot of the potholes that may be ahead of me. So when he gives advice, I usually listen. You may not have any relationships like these to build on. If that’s the case, then start by looking for just one. This person could be a manager or boss at work, a leader at your church, a reputable member of your community, a long standing family friend. Whoever it is for you, I recommend the same simple process that was given to me: look for someone who has what you want, and ask him/her how to get it.

Fear is cunning, baffling and powerful. As you pursue your goals, it may be the one thing that’s holding you back. If that is the case then take heart. It may have the advantage, but it’s not invincible. And you have the most powerful tool on your side - The one and only All Powerful God who loves you very much.

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I Have A Worship Question... Outreach?

by Tim H. Swanson

How many staff or ministry leadership meetings have you sat through where people get fired up saying things like, “Our church isn’t growing because we’re not reaching out to the community”, “We’ve become too inward -focused”, “We need to begin actually discipling people”. Then, they often have some convenient numbers and statistics to support their points. I've heard lots of these, but after that first little bit I usually have a hard time recounting how the conversation goes because I’ve been in the habit of tuning out after the statistics. It’s not that I disagree with those people. I think they’re right. But, when they start talking about missions and evangelism all I hear is, “Blah blah blah evangelism. Blah blah blah 80% unchurched. Blah blah a bunch of stuff that has nothing to do with music.” By the time they’re done talking I’m either playing Angry Birds or tooling around on ChurchStageDesignIdeas.com.

The issue with these conversations, and the reason I tune out, is not that these fired up people are wrong. It’s that I, like too many others, carry around a bad attitude about outreach. I have a totally jacked up misconception about evangelism. I feel like it’s someone else’s job. When people start talking about sharing the gospel with the unreached, I start looking around to figure out who is supposed to do that. The problem is, when I look around at everybody else, I’m looking in the wrong direction. I should be looking in a mirror.  

After His resurrection, Jesus sat down with His disciples and told them this: "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." But, like me, many Christian leaders today act as if he said, "Okay, I want you to run church services. It doesn't matter who they appeal to. If new people don't come, blame it on the culture. Peter, teach themed sermon series about whatever is relevant. Matthew, I want you to take an offering at the services. John, you can play guitar right? Good. Write some songs about me and make everyone sing them. And this is the most important thing, let the planning of those services consume all of your time. I don't want any of you to have any real relationships outside of those couple hours on Sunday morning." 

As a worship leader, it's easy to fall into the trap of thinking that reaching out to nonbelievers is somebody else's job. but that's just not the case. Jesus calls all believers to be witnesses. That includes singers, instrumentalists, tech team members, and most of all the worship leader. As the leader everybody is going to look to you to see how to act. 

If your church is talking about outreach, it has to begin with you, especially if you're a leader. Evangelism takes place in conversations between believers and nonbelievers. You and I need to become the believer in one of those conversations. If you're anything like me and you've developed a bad attitude about outreach, I'd like to simply prompt you to think about your own attitude with a few questions. 

1. Have I been putting the responsibility of outreach on somebody else?


2. Who do I know who doesn't know Jesus?

3. God, will you provide an opportunity for me to tell somebody who doesn't believe about what You've done in my life?

In my church, outreach has to start with me. Like a lot of church leaders, I live inside the Christian bubble. I graduated from a Christian college. I work at a church, which is where my social network is. I even exclusively attend Christian 12 step meetings. But even I have a sold short list of nonbelievers that I can pray for opportunities to share Jesus with. The truth is, anyone with Facebook or an email contacts list knows someone that needs Jesus. If you can't think of anyone right now, don't worry. They're out there. I promise. All we have to do is pray for the opportunity and God will provide. He's good that way.

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Are You In Danger Of Leading Your Team Off A Cliff? Here Are 4 Things You Can Do About It!

by Tim Swanson

The High Point Of The Path

My head was in the clouds, literally. I was with my team, atop the snow caps of the Himalaya mountains. We were 4 days away from civilization, standing at 13,500 ft in elevation. The clouds were like a tall ceiling over our heads, and we looked around in wonder at where our path had brought us. We had arrived at the height of our journey where we looked out over the Pindari glacier and the vast majesty of the surrounding mountains.

After a short photo session, we began to lament the journey back down. Our tour guide smiled, and said he had a surprise for us. He took his pack off and started digging around looking for something. After a couple seconds he pulled out several 50 gallon, Glad, trash bags. He had one for each of us. We were puzzled as he passed them out. Before long, someone spoke up, "what are these for?" Our tour guide gave a mischievous grin and began to show us. He wrapped the bag around his waist, like a towel. Then he reached between his legs and pulled the bottom through so it looked like he was wearing a big black diaper. I thought, "This is ridiculous. What is he doing?" Taking several quick steps toward the snowy mountain slope, he jumped. When he landed on his rear, the trash bag acted like a sled, and he shot down the side of the mountain with incredible speed. The rest of us immediately began unfolding our garbage bags to follow his lead. A couple of my teammates got theirs on before me and let out loud howls as they shot down the mountain after our guide.

I felt like I couldn't get my trash bag on quickly enough. When I had it just right, I ran and jumped onto the slope. It was exhilarating. The cold mountain air blew against my face as I flew down the mountain side. The only things I could hear were my own screams of joy and the sound of the snow shooting up around me. After only seconds I figured out that I could sort of steer by putting my feet down, but what was better was that I could go faster by keeping them up.

The Danger of No Path

After a minute or so of flying down the mountain, I noticed that our guide and a couple of the others ahead of me had stopped. They were getting up and brushing themselves off. I saw them and thought, "what are they doing? There's more snowy slope ahead of us." So I did the only logical thing, I shot straight past them without slowing down. Sure the snow was beginning to thin out, but that didn't bother me.

I didn't get much further before I saw what made the others stop. Less than 50 yards ahead of me, through the snow, stuck up a large patch of jagged black rocks. My eyes grew wide with panic. I was going way too fast to stop myself before hitting the bed of rocks, and my time was running out. So I did my best to judge the depth of the rock bed, which didn't seem to be more than 15ft before breaking up into dirt and small patches of snow. So I kept my feet up, and barreled down the slope. As I came within a few feet of the glistening black rocks, I planted my feet, pushed myself up, and started running as fast as I could. I managed to take several quick stumbling steps, just enough to get over the rock field, before tumbling head over heals for another 40 or so feet. I ended up laying on my back looking up at the sky, patting down my body to make sure nothing was broken. I'm not sure what would have happened if I had hit those rocks going full speed. But being 4 days and 60 miles from a passable road, I imagine it would have turned out badly for me.

This is a little further down the slope after things had evened out a bit. 

If you're like me, you get a rise out of moving forward and growing as a worship leader. Maybe you're about the growth of your team, your church's spiritual growth, consistently finding new engaging music, or making sure your technology is up to date. Whatever it is, nearly every one of us is driven to make progress in one way or another. Unlike people in other professions, we don't do our jobs because we have to. There are certainly easier ways to make a living. We lead because Jesus lives in us, and he put music in us when he crafted us in the womb. That's what makes it or passion. So the desire to progress isn't bad, it's godly. Improvement in the various areas of our ministries means better worship, which means more people connected with God. The danger comes when we strive to take the next step without a plan.

When we began our trek in the Himalayas, we had an end in mind. It was the cloudy snow cap where we could see the Pindari glacier. Our destination informed every step of our path. Knowing where we wanted to end up helped us determine every step we needed to take to get there. We knew which trails to take, how many miles we needed to travel each day, and exactly what we needed to bring to get us to our destination. Our goal helped us determine every move we made.

Adversely, when I was careening down the mountain slope, I had no end game, no destination, no plan. I was focused on having fun by covering as much ground as I could while going as fast as I could. During that adrenaline rush I knew I was covering a lot of ground, but I never considered where I would land. Without a plan, I made a few critical errors. First I ignored the obvious warning signs, my friends stopping. Then I got myself into a situation where I couldn’t stop before totally wiping out.

In ministry, the same dangers exist when we strive to move forward without a plan. As we pursue growth, we ignore the obvious warnings, which may be our team members or ourselves beginning to get burned out. Ultimately, we may find ourselves crashing on the rocks. And the worst part is, this sometimes we don’t even realize it. It’s the blind pursuit of progress that leaves many worship leaders completely focused on performance and looks, while abandoning genuine worship. What’s even worse is I’ve seen some worship leaders land on the rocks, shipwreck their faith, and leave the church as a result of striving for years without having a plan. It can make you feel like you’re spinning your wheels. The best worship leaders I know have learned how temper their pursuit of progress by coming up with a plan that guides the way. Here are several helpful ways to create your worship plan, and give a path to your growth and the growth of your ministry.

1. Pray. If God isn’t driving the bus, it’s time to get off. No plan, no matter how clear and compelling, is worth pursuing if it didn’t come from God. Be sure to soak your process in prayer. This works best when done daily. I tend to try to take things back into my own hands when I don’t continually submit them to God in prayer. So I have to pray frequently.

2. List your priorities. I’ve been working on my own ministry plan lately. During the process, my boss suggested that I list my priorities and then put them in order. It’s a simple step that will help you clarify your values. Then, when you find that you’re over committed, your list of priorities will help you make the necessary simplifications.

3. Create a mission statement for your ministry. At MV Music (the music ministry at Moon Valley Bible Church) we have one simple mission. We want to create a Sunday experiance so good that people want to share it with their friends. That gives a path to our pursuit. When we are trying to figure out which improvements to make to the sound system next, we just ask ourselves, “What will make it so good that people will want to share it?” Then we can even determine our ‘win’ each week. We celebrate when people actually go tell their friends and then bring them to a service at Moon Valley Bible Church.

4. Short term & Long term goals. I like to do one year, three year and five year goals. I like to set goals that will help me accomplish my mission, “Creating a Sunday experiance so good that people want to share it with their friends”. So when I think five years out, I begin contemplating what it will take to do that. That means improvements to our team, stage, spiritual direction, and program. So I plan things like the writing and recording of worship albums. When we play at other churches and give these albums away for donations, my team grow as musicians and believers. That means they are better equipped to lead excellent worship on Sunday morning. Also, the donations we have received from this year’s worship album have increased the music ministry budget by 30%, which means I can make more improvements to our Sunday experience that will make it so good that people want to share it.

The central theme of the Great Commission is progress. Jesus calls us to continually grow the kingdom by creating disciples and growing the church. As worship leaders, our part in the Jesus’ commission is to create God honoring music that connects people with Him. But pursuit without a plan is dangerous. The smaller danger is that you end up spending long periods of time spinning your wheels and going nowhere. The greater danger is that people get burned out and hurt. When that happens, we’re actually doing the opposite of what we’re called to. By beginning to work on your plan today, you’ll be looking out for the best for your team and your congregation, and you’ll be giving yourself something you can’t afford to go on without.

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My Dad Ran a Kid Over With A Camel, Seriously! 7 Ways To Restore Trampled Team Members

Look at that camel. Doesn't he look like he just wants to stomp all over little kids?

by Tim H. Swanson

A leisurely camel ride.

Our camel caravan was returning to Cairo after an afternoon ride to visit the Sphinx and Great Pyramids. Among the amateur camel jockeys were my parents and myself. A couple of tour guides came with us, but they didn't fight very hard to stay in the lead as the camels knew just as well as they did where we were headed. Their large padded feet meandered from the dirt roads of the Egyptian desert back onto the cobblestone roads of rural Cairo as we headed back to return our rented camels. Two and three story cinder block buildings lined the narrow roads. Despite the fact that we knew nothing about controlling the large graceful animals, we each held reigns that were attached to bridles. My dad's camel slowly passed the others in the caravan until he was riding in front of everyone else. I rode just behind and to the right of him, and my mom was behind and to the left. It was peaceful.

A determined young man.

About fifty yards ahead of us a small malnourished boy, who couldn't have been more than seven or eight, came butt first out off an open doorway. He was trying to drag a five gallon bucket filled with water bottles across the narrow street. His feet slipped all around on the dirt covered road as he struggled to move the overloaded bucket. He couldn't have outweighed the bucket by much, so he made inches of progress with every short burst of energy he gave.

A significant problem

It didn't take long for us to start doing the math. Our crowd of long legged creatures were approaching the boy much faster than he was crossing the road with that heavy bucket. If he didn't get out of the way quickly, he was going to end up under our camels' feet. With the herd just twenty feet away, the boy had reached the middle of the road. We began calling out to him, which did little since our warnings were in English. It wasn't until the feet of my dad's camel were just a few yards from the boy that grew looked up and saw us. His eyes grew wide, and instead of letting go off the bucket and running (which is what he should have done) he only tugged at the bucket more ferociously. My dad, now shouting, yanked the reigns trying to steer the camel away from the boy. Undeterred by my dad's signals, the camel continued forward. It was like a slow motion car accident. It was painful to watch and there was nothing we could do about it. In one step, the nine foot tall camel kicked over the boy's bucket of water bottles. The next step landed directly on the boy knocking to the ground. His little body was like a rag doll as the camel stepped on him and kicked him around. When the camel had passed over the boy, he laid motionless on the ground.

The leadership lesson

Have you ever seen this happen within your organization? Maybe you’ve never literally seen a camel trample a little boy. If not, I hope you never have to, it was horrible. But have you heard a team member verbally lose it on someone else on the team. Or perhaps you’ve watched someone use their position to attack a team member, and try to bully them out of the organization.  It’s painful to watch, especially if the person doing the hurting was empowered by you. If you haven’t experienced this, then you will. The reality is you work with infallible people. They make mistakes. And people’s ability to hurt one another will never cease to amaze.

In the same way my dad had no control over the camel he was riding, we cannot control the actions of other people on our team, (nor should we want to). It is our job to teach biblical maturity and equip God’s people for God honoring service (Ephesians 4:11-13). As a leader, it’s not your job to prevent people from doing bad things to each other. That’s going to happen no matter what. Your responsibility lays in the aftermath. Your job is to lovingly confront the situation and assist the parties involved in reconciling with each other. It’s important that we leaders don’t try to fight people’s battles for them. Nobody grows when we do that. So if one of your leaders or a member of your team is hurting or has been hurt by somebody else, here are some good practical things that you can start doing today to lead your people through the mess.

1. Pray. Ask God for wisdom, because He provides it liberally to those who trust Him for it (James 1:5).

2. Lead with Listening. Whether you’re speaking with the offender or the offended, “be quick to listen, slow to speak” (James 1:19).

3. Don’t join the fight. In his letter to the church, the apostle, James says, “(be) slow to anger” (James 1:19). Christians quote that verse a lot, but we don’t talk a lot about the very next verse that explains why, “for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God” (James 1:20). Whether you have a good reason to be angry or not, avoid becoming angry. Anger is the enemy of self-control. It’s just too easy to say something you’ll regret if you’re angry. I have a mentor who tells me this, and it’s served me well, “If you’re angry, bite your tongue. If you taste blood you know you’re doing it right.”

4. Coach for reconciliation. Once you’ve prayed for wisdom, listened, and steered away from anger. Begin to ask questions about what it will take for reconciliation. Asking questions is good, because it allows you to coach people through situations without taking sides.

5. It’s good to be a facilitator. While it’s important for the growth of your people that you stay out of the middle of it, you can be of great assistance by facilitating a conversation. When you do this, you should repeat the first four steps. Pray, then spend lots of time listening, little time speaking, and zero time getting angry. Your service comes in the form of clearing up misunderstandings if they happen. If one person says something, and the other hears something else, that’s a good time to step in and clarify what the first person is saying. In most problems, communication is going to be the number one offender anyway, so by helping people through misunderstandings, you’ll be helpful in resolving most conflict on your team.

6. When you do have to lay down the hammer, bring a friend. Sometimes, situations are going to get ugly, and I mean really ugly. Sometimes things get so irreconcilably bad, that you have to call the shots. When that happens, don’t go it alone. Collaborate with your boss, your spouse or your mentors. When I find a situation like this, I consult all three of those people. They will help you make a mature and informed decision. Then when you are face to face with a team member, and you have to issue out some justice, you have some accountability. Treat this level of conflict resolution the same way you treat rock climbing. Never do it alone, and always take somebody you trust with you.

7. Keep your number one goal in mind. Never forget that, “the goal of our instruction is love” (1 Tim 1:5). Always look for the resolution that restores first. When you do this, you’ll honor God, which is part of your job description (and if it’s not you should change your job description).

Watching your team grow and work through conflict is incredibly rewarding. And when you’re on the other side of it, your team will be stronger. With a stronger team, you’ll be better equipped to be effective in impacting people for Jesus. Suddenly, the goals God has placed in your heart will become more attainable.

The fate of the boy.

Our tour guides stopped the caravan after the camel was done with the little boy. My parents and I were frozen looking at his little motionless body. I was sure he was dead, and he laid there for what seemed like an eternity. Then a slow and steady cry broke out from the boy, and he sat up carefully holding his injured arm. His father came running out of the door where the boy had previously been headed. He scooped the crying boy up from the street, and ran him back into their home.

When my dad got on that camel, he was putting the camel in control of his direction. When the camel mindlessly injured the small boy, he was all but powerless to watch it happen. That had to be a scary unsafe feeling. Leadership is like that. As we equip others to do the work of Jesus, they are not going to stop being imperfect humans. Eventually we are going to watch as somebody gets run over. When it happens, remember it’s still our responsibility to equip people for the work of Jesus. It’s still our responsibility to teach love, which only showing love will accomplish.

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Worship, Weight Loss, Whatever: 10 Keys To Growing Self Discipline

by Tim Swanson

Where have you been longing to grow more disciplined? Is it with your fitness level, or your weight? Is it your level of preparedness at your job? Is it how well you communicate with your team?

When I was in high school I weighed 180lbs. I was a pretty big guy. The school's football coach asked me to join the team more than once. I always declined because I was a theater kid. His response was always, "what a waste." After I graduated, I gained a considerable amount of weight (an additional 120lbs to be exact). For most of college I was rolling around at 300lbs. My weight had become a significant issue. My back hurt any time I stood for longer than 10 minutes. I couldn't really bend down far enough to tie my shoes. I avoided physical activity, which was extremely taxing for me. And I had developed sleep apnea, which is a horrible horrible thing. My quality of life was low. At the same time I was watching my father battle with his own weight. And my family was worried about how much longer we would have him around. As I listened to the concerns of my family members, I began to think about how I was affecting my own lifespan. So I did what had to be done. I committed to losing the weight. I planned for a strict regimen of daily exercising at the gym in the apartment complex.Then I pursued a strict diet that cut out junk food, and begin counting every calorie I ate. Then I pursued that plan for exactly 1 1/2 days before giving up and going on a Little Caesar's Hot-N Ready pizza binge.

But it was ok, because I'm not one who is easily defeated. So I tried again. I cleaned up all the pizza boxes and bought a bunch of healthy food at the grocery store. I even got myself a new workout outfit. For three days I did great. I worked out every day. I ate healthy. So I decided to celebrate with a Little Caesar's $5 pizza. Then I went back through the whole unhealthy cycle all over again.

I really wanted to get healthy. I hated living the way I was. I was taking all the right steps. My problem was that I was trying to take all the steps all at once. I tried to start the hardcore workout, and the diet together . My expectation of myself was to go from 0 - 60 in 0 seconds flat. But that's not the way it works.

I've met countless other people who approach life change with same strategy I did. They want to go a new direction, so they jerk the wheel as hard as they can. Then, like me, they feel like failures when they crash. When it comes to making changes and developing self discipline, life is a lot more like driving a car. This is a metaphor that we take for granted a lot, so let me break it down with an illustration.

The other day I sat my teen aged daughter behind the steering wheel of my car so I could teach her how to drive. We were in our church parking lot on a Monday, so it was nearly empty. I had her check all the mirrors, and put her seat-belt on before she shifted into ‘drive’. She cruised along the parking lot aisle at about 15 mph, and before long she had to turn. Without thinking about it, I told her to make the turn. It’s a good thing she was only going 15 because I had neglected to instruct her to slow down before turning. She made a wide turn and nearly ran into the concrete parking barriers. We spent the rest of the session learning how to slow down to make turns.

When it comes to making a life turns and developing new disciplines, we have to learn to slow down. Unlike my daughter driving in the church parking lot, none of us are taking life at 15 mph. If you try to change directions without using the brakes, you'll crash. And the older you get the higher the stakes are. Soon crashing will mean losing money, time, or even relationships. We have to learn to mind the turns. Here are some tips that’ve helped me pump the breaks and successfully change course with my habits and disciplines.

1. Don't be afraid to dream big. Most people are tempted to step back and reevaluate their dreams when they experience failure. But failure doesn’t mean you have the wrong dream, it means you have the wrong approach. When dreaming, dream big.

2. Break your dreams down into baby steps. Like I said before, I had all the right steps to losing weight. My problem was trying to do all those steps at once. When I broke the diet down into baby steps I had way more success. After a few months of slowly working in new dietary disciplines, I began a simple workout routine that I was able to consistently maintain. That was how I started losing weight. Today, I've lost nearly 70lbs.

3. Look for opportunities to challenge yourself along the way. Once I started experiencing some success with diet and exercise, I felt motivated. So I signed up to do a 5k run where people dressed like zombies chased me and a couple of my friends. When I was kicking it at 300lbs, I would never have even considered doing something like that. But it was such a rush, and it helped me accomplish my goals.

4. Reward little successes. Once I started dropping pant sizes, it was easy to go out and get a new pair of pants that were a size smaller. That felt great. Celebrate victory at every turn, and the road will be a lot smoother.

5. Find a way to make it fulfilling. At some point I began reading the book ‘Wild At Heart’. Chapter one has a section called ‘A Battle To Fight’. Eldridge talks about every man’s need to battle. That resonated with me, and it was the catalyst that I needed to take up boxing. That was five years ago. Since then, I have gained enough experience that I now train other fighters at my gym. Boxing made it about more than just losing weight. Suddenly it was about learning to protect my family, and seeing if I had what it took to stay on my feet and even win a fight (I discovered that I do have what it takes) .

6. Invest your heart, mind & body in your dream. Spend time committing your dream and all of your small steps to God, through prayer. Ask Him to guide you. Spend time reading about other people who are further down your same road. Do some writing about your dream, and your successes and failures. As you focus on your dream in your spare time, it’ll grow your new discipline in different ways. That will make it easier to see your big dream become a reality.

7. Work with others. My exercise effort spiked when I started working out with my buddy, Josh. Him and I drove to a boxing gym every weekday to train together. Both of our attendance became way more regular when we teamed up. Find someone who has a similar dream to yours. Get together with that person and let his/her presence challenge you to work harder.

8. Once you’ve taken a couple of slow turns, speed up! As you develop discipline, it will become easier to make changes to your habits. You can plan on growing at a faster pace as you experience success. Use that to your advantage.

9. Learn from failure. When you fail, be grateful. There is an old samurai saying that goes like this, “You learn one lesson from victory, but a thousand from defeat”. When you lose, you are in the position to learn valuable lessons. Take advantage of that. Remember, successful people are not the ones who never failed, they are the ones who learned from their failures.

10. Help somebody else develop a new discipline. The ultimate win in life is being a part of someone else’s success. Eventually, you will have enough success that your self discipline will be a valuable tool to helping other people grow. When I started boxing, I looked up to a few different professional fighters like Freeman ‘The Machine’ Taft, and Rich ‘Rare Breed’ Hale (I sparred with both of them, and they both rocked my world). Today, I have fighters that look up to me, and talk about me the way I used to talk about those guys when I first started fighting. I have invested enough time in the discipline of fighting that my experience has become valuable to other people. It is the best feeling in the world to be a part of someone else’s growth.

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I Used To Despise Worship Leaders, Now I Am One. What's Your Story?

by Tim Swanson

When I first started studying music in College, I didn't want to be a worship leader. In fact, I thought worship leaders were losers. To me they were just people who couldn't make it as real musicians. In my mind, I had to make it big so I didn't end up like them. I was also kind of an arrogant jerk if you couldn't tell.

In spite of my misdirected feelings, I took a job as a worship leader for an evening service at a church near my college. In my mind, it was okay to use the whole worship leader gig as a stepping stone to bigger and better things. Plus there are not a lot of paid music jobs for freshmen music majors. I was fortunate to have a good band. In the first year or two, my team had a pretty low turn over rate. It was also a beneficial experience for me because the band was skilled enough that they made me look better than I actually was. And though I wouldn't have readily admitted it, I was growing closer to my team. I felt pretty good about things. I just entered my twenties, and I believed I was on the path to greatness.

Then one night as I was driving home from a party my phone rang. It was my electric guitar player. I looked at the clock and it was past ten. That made his call seem a little peculiar since, unlike me, he was married and had two young kids. So I pushed the green answer button on my razor flip phone #oldschool, and I'll never forget what I heard after that. My electric guitarist, on the other end of the line, and with a sober tone said, "my wife just took my kids and left me. Can you come over?"

I was stunned but I managed a, "yes". I told him I'd be right over, and quickly hung up with him so I could call for backup. I dialed the number of the teaching pastor from the evening service where I was leading. I told him the situation and asked, "what do I do? What do I say?" I was ready for him to bestow ancient pastor wisdom on me that'd save the day. Heck! I'd have settled for one good piece of advice. What I was not ready for was what he actually said, "Sorry man. There's no textbook answer for this one. You just have to go do your best. Welcome to being a pastor". Do my best!? That's not advice! That's kind of thing a cartoon dog tells kids about how to get through a tough school day. I hung up from that call feeling frustrated. So I decided to pray. My mind was racing, so I just asked God to give me the words to say.  When I got to his house, we spent hours talking, praying, laughing. There might have even been some crying, but who remembers that sort of thing anyway? I sat with my good friend and bared his burden with him that night. It wasn't easy, but it was worth it. That week, I went into the office at my school and changed the focus of my degree from Music Education to Music Ministry.

God used that night as a catalyst for my passion for being  a worship leader. With me, he didn't use any music. Instead He used a time of worship where I got to share in the heart break of one of my team members.  To this day, my biggest motivation is the people I work with. I don't want anyone to hear what I'm not saying. I love doing church music, and I couldn't live without it. But it's the opportunity to invest in my team and watch them develop as believers, leaders and musicians that drives me.

Each one of us has a unique story that led us to where we are today. And your story is vital to you as a leader because it reveals what connects your heart to your calling. As you look into the future you'll want to understand where your passion comes from and be able to articulate it, because God will use it to show you which direction he wants you to go. These are the things that helped me discover the roots of my heart for leading Church Music.

1. Pray. Ask God what he wants you to see about yourself as a leader. He intentionally handcrafted you in your mother’s womb. He’s the best one to ask when it comes to the matters of your heart.

2.  Look at your past plans. After one year as the Music Director at Moon Valley Bible Church, I took  a look back at my previous year of planning. That was when I first realized that most of my planning was centered around people.  Once I realized my heart for people was a strength, I targeted it. Quickly my effectiveness as a leader went way up.

3. Judge other people. Not their spirituality, but their style. And not in a critical way. But look at what the other leaders around you are doing and ask yourself which things turn you off and which things you'd die if you didn't try.

4. Tell your story often. Telling your story will help you hash out which details matter and which ones don't.

5. Look to your heroes’ hearts. I have found that most of the leaders I look up to are people who are passionate about their teams like I am. Look at what motivates and drives your heroes. Chances are you will find a common ground.

Now I'd love to know, what's your story. Please leave a message in the comment box below.

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