Last Monday, I revealed my dirty little secret. At the beginning of the post, I admitted I was a little nervous to talk about something that's so potentially embarrassing. But I hit the 'Publish' button anyway, and asked God to use my story however He would. Then I closed my laptop and had breakfast with my wife.
Throughout the day I got a few texts from some of my pastor buddies thanking me for being transparent. That was encouraging. Then at the end of they day, I sat down to check on what kind of engagement the post got on my social media channels. I was totally blown away by what I found.
I had hoped I would find that it was helpful to some people. What I didn't expect was Facebook comments, and messages filled with other people encouraging me and sharing their stories and their pain.
I sort of figured I'd get the chance to connect with other guys who have that same struggles as me. What I didn't expect was to be listening to the stories of wives who's husbands have been addicted to pornography and sex. That has been sobering. It's heartbreaking to listen to a guy talk about how out of control his life has become. But is scary to listen to a wife say the same things about the man she looks to for security.
The responses to my little secret have taught me three things.
1. It's scary how much sex addiction is an issue in the church today. We all know the statistics that tell us pornography is an issue for the vast majority of men. Even beyond Monday's blog post, I've recently sat across from literally dozens of husbands, fathers and even pastors who have told me about their struggles with porn and sex addiction, and it's brought those statistics to life.
The fact is, if you don't struggle with a sex addiction, you're likely surrounded by people who do. And these guys and girls need resources, and more importantly your prayers. If you're in the habit of praying (which I recommend) then please say a prayer for the men and women who suffer from the life crippling addiction to sex and porn.
2. There is a deficit of transparency in our culture that's really unhealthy. My wife shared the post on her Facebook page, and at the end of the day there was a string of comments calling me 'brave' for sharing. Now, I'm certainly not going to argue with you if you want to call me brave. But it does highlight a deep need for transparency in our culture. In so many cases, it's our secrets that are poisoning our marriages, and killing our relationships.
Whether you struggle with a sex addiction or not, being transparent about your struggles, even if just with one person, is powerful. It's more powerful than any book, commercial, pamphlet, tract, interview, or any of the other million thing that people encounter every day. Take the risk and take a chance with transparency. It may make all the difference in someone's life.
3. Contrary to what I thought, transparency was great for my leadership. I always feel silly when I go to tell someone about one of my posts, and they say I know, I already read it. Because I'm always like Oh, ok. I'm not really sure what to say now #awkwardmoment. But I've had lots of great conversations with my team members about the topic of my addiction and my past. I always thought people would be turned off after being told about the things I've done. But It's actually been a catalyst for people on my team to face their own secrets, and begin getting help. I thought the knowledge of my past would kill my credibility, but it's increased it.
As I've written for this blog over the last year, I've been continually asking God what He wants me to be sharing with people. This issue seems to be an important one, with which I have some valid experience. And God keeps opening doors for me to be useful in helping others heal from painful sex addictions.
So I'm going to keep writing about this. Not in an in your face every day sort of way, but in as often as I have something helpful to share, I will post it here. If you've found my little secret helpful, and you'd like to join in the pursuit of helping men and women overcome their secrets and discover more potential in their lives, you can sign up for email updates from me. And when you sign up, I'll send you a free copy of my ebook, Good Fight. It's a guide to becoming empowered through conflict on your team, whether that team is coworkers, family, or a team at your church.
There's power in community, and I want to be a part of a community that fights for men and women to know the freedom that comes from knowing Jesus. If you fee similarly, then I invite you to join me.
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