I typically don't like to talk about my age. Ever since I was in middle school, people have assumed that I'm older than I actually am. And I like to let them. It's opened many doors that would might have otherwise been closed.
As a teenager, I was able to buy tickets to R rated movies without an ID from the time I was 14. At the end of my Freshmen year of high school, I asked a group of seniors why they bullied my friends and never bullied me. They told me they thought I was a senior. And when I turned 21, I went to the grocery store to legally purchase a case of beer for the first time (which I did not drink, but that's a whole other story). I had to tell the cashier to card me.
Those things were nice, but they were novelties. I didn't learn the true value of appearing older until I was in my twenties. As I sought to grow in knowledge and faith, it has been easy to surround myself with 'peers' who are, in all actuality, a little older than me. And while many of the men in my life have been influential in the lives of guys 5-10 years younger than themselves, I'm typically the most influential to guys my age and at times even a little older.
But looks only go so far. And a person can look any age, but the truth is always discovered when people take a closer look. For that reason, it's important that the insides reflect the outsides. So I've made it my priority to grow in knowledge and wisdom as fast as I can. I've always wanted my insides to match my outsides.
It's not that I have some super secret manipulative scheme for pretending I'm older than I am. The truth is, like most people, I want to make a difference in our world. Some day, when it's all said and done, I want to leave behind a legacy of love. I've always wanted to be remembered as a man who did great things. And that's what Discover More Potential is all about. It's about acquiring wisdom beyond my years, and becoming the very best version of myself that's possible.
So, as I look back on the last 30 years of striving to discover more potential, here are 30 of the greatest insights I've gained about living an impactful life on this earth.
1. Being well thought of, and remembered by people is literally worth nothing. As a high school student, the greatest names in history were nothing more than names printed in a text book to me. And when enough time has passed, we'll stop talking about them too. All men die, and all men are forgotten by this world
2 If you're having trouble letting go of the idea that something is cool, all you have to do is try it to realize it isn't. Nothing is nearly as cool as it first appears to be. Girls, guns, cage fighting, writing, church work, sex, drugs, good grades, being in shape, drinking, having money, being an artist, power, fame, music, trekking in the Himalayas, driving, and the list goes on and on. Nothing is as cool once you've done it. The only thing that seems to be a plausible exception is the incredible feeling that comes with having kids. There is nothing else to compare it to. But even that is more challenging than fun at times.
3. None of us were meant to go it alone. As a kid, I thought lone wolves were cool. They were dangerous, and they didn't need anyone. And I think that image has had a negative impact on a lot of guys, because pretending you don't need anyone else only leads to a depressing life. In order to be successful, productive, happy people, we need each other.
4. Girls do fart... a lot. I've got to hand it to you girls, you really had me going there for a while. Especially as a teenager, I wondered do girls actually fart? Maybe they don't. Now I live in a house with three women, and the secret is out.
5. The only thing all my failed relationships had in common was me. From the time I was very young I was interested in girls, After college, I found myself with more than 50 failed relationships, 1 failed engagement, and a handful of sexual partners that I never had any formal relationship with. One day as I contemplated my life, wondering why I couldn't seem to manage a successful relationship, I realized that I was the only constant in all my relationships. That was probably the first time I seriously considered what I might be doing to add to the chaos in my own life.
6. Today is the best time to be alive in all of history. Sure America has a crippling national debt, and the world appears to be collapsing in upon itself. But there are still so many things about our day and age that make it better than any previous period in history: Innovation in clean water technologies, The Walking Dead,one for one campaigns, video games, a higher than ever level of literacy among people, Marvel superhero movies, advances in medicine, craft beer, the internet, The first black US president (regardless of what you think of his terms), etc.
7. The Bible is a document that should be taken seriously. I'm not looking to argue religion. But any book that can make the claims the Bible does and stand up to centuries of endless scrutiny deserves your respect.
8. Girls and sex make terrible terrible gods. For a long time, I made girls and sex my functional gods, which means I worshiped them. And like nearly all other gods and idols in this world, they were demanding, ruthless, and unforgiving. I've been much more content with keeping them in their proper places - i.e. My wife is my equal partner and my daughters are my precious treasure to protect. And sex is... not all about me.
9. Money ain't all it's cracked up to be. Similarly to girls and sex, money is a terrible god. It demands all of your time, talents and treasures. And, while it promises happiness, it never leads you to it.
10. There's more freedom than shame in being a recovering sex addict. There was a time when I had to leave a church job in disgrace after completely failing morally. But when my secret went public, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. When my dark secret met the light, all it's power was taken away. Then I was able to begin conquering it.
11. Blogging is an absolutely tool for impacting the world. When I first started this blog, I assumed no one would read it. Now I have 1000 readers each month. from more than a dozen countries around the world. And I hear stories almost every week about how my writing is impacting people's lives. For a guy who wants to make a difference, blogging has been my no. 1 most effective tool.
12. Influence is worth way more than popularity. When I first started writing, I thought I wanted to be popular. I thought I wanted 100.000 readers. When I met a woman who read one of my posts about sex addiction and then felt comfortable enough to reach out and ask for help, I realized that popularity isn't worth much. Like I said above, I have about 1000 readers monthly, and I don't care if that ever changes as long as I can continue to be force for positive influence in the lives of more and more people.
13. Cleanliness isn't next to godliness, but it's still very important. As I've gotten older, I've noticed more and more that the tidiness of my environment has a huge impact on my mental state. As a kid, I routinely cleaned my closet out with a shovel. Today, I have to keep my living spaces clean or I'll lose my mind.
14. Religion sucks, Jesus is awesome. A couple times a year I get to speak to a group of men on the topic of worship and religion. When I speak with them, the main point of my talk is always this, 'Religion calls you to follow rules and comply. But Jesus calls you to follow him and thrive.' Of course religion isn't all bad, but it's done it's share of damage. And I don't worry at all about the fact that the emerging generations are less and less interested in religion. That fact does not impact the effectiveness of the Gospel.
15. Discipline begats discipline. This one is actually a quote from Jon Acuff. The idea is that once you practice discipline in one area of your life, it becomes easier in others. I started with a sport - boxing. Once I had been boxing for a year or so, I began working on my diet. Then I joined recovery and found the discipline that helped me crush my addiction to porn, sex and relationships. After that, acquiring the disciple if writing regularly wasn't very difficult at all.
16. Manly stuff is great and necessary. As an adolescent, I was the guy that had mostly female friends. I thought it was easier that way. Then I met a few men who I enjoyed spending time with. Those guys became my brothers. Today, I see huge value in having friendships with all kinds of guys, It's not that girls are bad, it's just that guys need other guys.
17. It's important to surround yourself with people who are better than you. In as much as I've done this, I've grown. There's always something to learn from someone who knows more than you. It's when you become the most proficient person in the room that it's time to start worrying.
18. Nothing is black and white. I intend to write a whole post on this at some point. But for the emerging generations, there are no black and white issues. Every issue has gray areas. Take abortion for example. I'm typically a pro-life guy. But I'm intrigued by the fact that a woman's body will auto abort a pregnancy if it senses a chromosomal abnormality in the embryo (They call it a Blighted Ovum). Does it mean I support abortion? No, but I have to admit, there's a natural precedent for it. And for me, that give abortion at least some gray area. Maybe it's not all bad.
19. Blended family has it's benefits. I grew up in a nuclear family (mom, dad, and 2 kids). And my parents are still together today. So I naturally assumed I'd grow up and start the same kind of family. I never dreamed that I'd marry a woman with 2 daughters. But I did, and I'm glad that I did. Do I wish all my kids were biologically mine? Not if it means they'd be any different than they are today.
20. Time really does fly as you get older. Most kids can't wait to grow up. I certainly couldn't. Now, I'm watching my kids grow up and I'm all like Woah, wait! Slow down for just a minute. I cherish every moment a lot more these days.
21. Traditional gender roles in marriage aren't evil. When I met my wife, I wasn't looking for a woman who would submit to me and let me lead our family. I was a product of my culture. I expected to get married and split everything. But after much conversation, my wife and I decided to pursue a 'traditional' marriage - mostly because we believe that's what the Bible prescribes. And it's been a great benefit to our marriage. Not because I'm some incredible family leader, but because when my wife and I submit to God's plan for our lives we both find more peace and satisfaction than we've ever known.
22. There isn't finer television than 'The Walking Dead'. You could try to argue this one with me, but you just won't win. The Walking Dead is the best show that has been made by humans.
23. Communication really is the key to marriage. My wife and I have had all kinds of conflict, but almost everything has been rooted in misunderstanding. If we'd just start all our conflict conversations with a brief overview of what we actually mean, we'd fight a lot less. Somehow communication is still really hard. But we see the importance of it, and that's made a lot of difference.
24. In relationships, change comes slowly and over long periods of time. I meet a lot of young guys who expect their girlfriends to snap out of their dysfunction. But that's just not how it works. Change comes more slowly than that with both guys and girls. My wife really wishes I'd stop biting my nails. I'm working on it, but she'll be waiting for a while.
25. Never be afraid to try something new. When I was younger, I had one type of girl - tall blondes. Today I'm married to a woman with a red mohawk, and I'll never go back, My mohawk wife is majorly sexy. I'm so happy that I decided to embrace that change. It's made me a lot more receptive to change in other areas of my life.
26. Diet and oversize are actually important. Like most people, I didn't worry about what I ate while I was in high school. But after I graduated, I gained 100 lbs. When I got married, I weighed an even 300 lbs. Today, I'm down to 233 lbs, and I'm fighting one of the toughest battles of my life to get myself healthy again. I think I'll be teaching my kids about healthy eating from a young age,
27. It's not always bad to turn out like your parents. When I was a teenager, I was sure I wanted to be nothing like my parents. But today, I celebrate the ways I'm turning out like my mom and dad. I've learned about having a great character, and I respect them a whole lot more with my new knowledge.
28. Getting hit in the face isn't as scary as everyone makes it out to be. As a boxer, people often ask me, "Why would you participate in a sport where you get hit in the face." I guess that's a fair question. I started fighting because until the time I was 24, I had never been in a fight and I wanted to know if I could win one. Boxing has taught me a lot about discipline, and about myself. I've learned that I can rise to the occasion, and meet adversity with fearless determination. That's a lesson that has been worth getting hit in the face.
29. Who cares what other people think? One of my greatest personal battles has been with the things that other people think about me. I put too much value in what others have to say. The truth is, I am who I am, regardless of what other people think about me. I'm working to get my self image from God rather than man, but I know this will be a life long battle For now, I at least understand that other people's opinion of me doesn't determine my value.
30. There is only one thing in life that matters, and it's the pursuit of intimacy with God. One of my all time favorite quotes comes from The Ultimate Conversation by Charles Stanley. In it, he says, "Your intimacy with God, (Which is) His first priority for your life, determines the impact of your life." And he couldn't be more right. There's just nothing that matters more than developing a close relationship with your creator.
But what about you? What are the most important lessons you've learned during your time on this earth? Please leave your answer in the comment section below.
Warmly,
Tim
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