7 Things every son needs from his dad to become a man

Raising boys isn't easy. We live in a world that's increasingly designed to derail their lives and hurl them into a darkness futility, or worse. And the problem is compounded by the fact that our society doesn't have a unified definition of what it means to be a man. If you look around, manhood seems to be defined by who can make the most money, buy the most toys, and score with the most girls.

What doesn't add up is the fact that many of the world's richest playboys couldn't be more obviously unqualified as real men. Our sports figures are undone by their own wealth; getting into trouble with drugs, drunken driving, and domestic violence. Our politicians are undone by their influence; falling into incredible scandals. And our rock stars... well, we've learned not to expect too much from them.

Regardless of where you look, our culture doesn't present a solid example of what it means to be a good man, let alone a great man. So what are boys growing up in our world to do?

He's just like his dad...
Obviously a boy's father plays a huge role in how he turns out. But without a standard from which to measure, it can be tough to know what us dads should spend the valuable little time we have teaching our sons.

Most dads have a list of things that they feel personally responsible for teaching their boys. Some believe it's essential for their sons to play a sport. Others want to teach their boys life skills like how to fix and maintain a car. And others feel like their greatest calling is to teach them to make money. But none of those things qualify a boy to become a man.

I've met guys who have no interest in sports, hunting, mechanics, or six figure incomes, and they're some of the manliest men I've ever met.

So what is it that defines a man, and what is it that a boy needs to learn from his father if he wants to discover more potential in himself?

The truth is, while masculinity isn't attached to activities like riding quads or buying a house so big that you don't even know what to do with it, there is a standard for masculinity today. It's just been glossed over by the veneer of all our 'masculine' novelties.

Here are just a few truly manly things that a boy needs to learn from his dad if he ever wants to become a man.

The integral integrity. The first thing a young man must learn is that, in this world, his worth will be determined based on how well he keeps his word. His yes must be yes, and his no must be no. Most guys aren't great at this.

When we make promises and commitments and don't back it up with follow through, we're telling the world that they shouldn't take us seriously. So if there is a cornerstone to manhood, integrity is it. A man keeps his word.

R.E.S.P.E.C.T. If you're not already singing Aretha Franklin to yourself, this is your cue. Respect is a big deal, and our boys need to learn it by watching us. By our actions they will learn to respect women or treat them like object. And by the way we speak to and about others, they'll learn to bridle their tongues or speak like morons. So we must live lives dedicated to the art of respect, because true manhood is marked by respect.

Taking responsibility. Somehow our world is populated by 'men' who shuffle blame, and thrive on deniability. A true man takes responsibility for his own actions. Our boys will invariably watch us screw up. When that happens it is imperative that they see us own up, or else they will never grow up. And having adult children will make you want to throw up. #poetry.

How to plan. In any industry or endeavor, the guy who makes a plan is the one who comes out ahead. Having a plan is like having an oxygen tank while scuba diving. You can go under the water without any air, but you won't get very far. This is a relatively simple thing, but it's a huge chink in the armor of the vast majority of young men today. If you want to teach your son a truly valuable skill, teach him how to set and achieve short and long term goals.

Who God is. Imagine if you bought a house (since we're all men here, let's imagine big houses). Now imagine that in all the time you lived there, you never entered or even turned a light on in the living room. It would be awkward. You'd probably even have to go out of your way to avoid a room as central as that.

Well, your spirit is like the living room of your life. What's surprising is that most guys go way out of their way to avoid ever thinking about God or the Bible or any of that stuff. Regardless of what you believe, don't let your son keep the heart of his house in darkness. Help him discover what he believes about God.

How to fail. Failure is inevitable. But somehow, so many guys are paralyzed by a fear of failure. When they live with this fear in their lives, the simple result is that they're stunted. They just never try to do things that scare them.

In reality, failure is nothing to be afraid of. In fact, we often learn the most from our failures. So do your son a favor and teach him how to fail. The next time he messes up really bad, let him know that it's okay. Assure him it will happen again, and walk with him through the steps of getting back up and moving forward.

Where his worth comes from. Perhaps the worst place in the world from which to derive ones sense of self worth is the opinions of other people. But for some reason, most guys still hold the way others see them in the highest regard. The danger in doing this is that it keeps us worthless, because there will always be someone who's better than us.

So teach your son that other people's view of him doesn't really matter. And if you really want to do him a favor, teach him that he has a Heavenly Father who thinks so much of him that He made him in his own image.

The Challenge

Dads, we've got a world full of jacked up 'men'. The planet is covered with guys who have no business impacting our son's definition of manhood. And nobody is going to do anything to change that. In fact, most people will probably only serve to make things even worse.

So if our sons have any chance for growing into real men, it is up to us. And we can't afford to teach them parlor tricks, like how to throw a football really far, or how to fix a flat tire in less than 10 minutes (I assume that's fast since it takes me forever). We have to teach our boys how to cultivate their character, and find their identity where there's real substance. And ultimately, that'll be the best thing we ever do for them.

I'm curious to hear from you. What do you think is the most important thing a father can teach his son? Please leave your answer in the comment section below.

Warmly,
Tim