How to get more than one word answers out of asking your kids about their day.

If insanity is defined as repeating the same thing over and over and expecting a different result, then there are a lot of completely nut job parents out there. So many of us ask our kids the same barrage of lame questions every afternoon - Did you have a good day? How was school? What did you learn today? What do you have for homework? etc. 

Photo courtesy of Katie Laird at Flickr.com

And our questions always evoke the same uninspired answers from our kids - Fine. Nothing. I don't know, Whatever. And the worst thing about it is not that it's insanity. It's the fact that, when we have repetitive conversations with out kids, we are spending our time (just like we spend our money) and we have little to nothing to show for it.

We get precious little time with our kids. So it's important that we don't waste it. Fortunately for all of us, there are better ways.

As I've experienced my own insanity in asking my kids about their days, I've racked my brains to find new and better ways to interact with my kids. So here are just the things that have worked the very best for me. And I hope they're useful for you too.

Know your kid's weakness. Every kid has a weakness that, if you find it, will open the conversation floodgates. When I was a kid, my weakness was silence. Like all kids, I really wanted to talk to my parents. But for some silly reason whenever they'd ask me about my day, I'd recoil and snort out fine. After that, all they had to do was remain silent, and my desire to open up would overcome me.

Don't even ask them about their day. It's not that you don't care. But like we said earlier, you already spend too much of your time asking the same question. Instead, use the time with your kids to play a game, or talk about dumb random junk. You'll learn more about your kid playing 'I Spy' and talking about Star Wars than you will talking about math.

Crush routine.  After you have kids, life presents a new challenge - monotony. It's a stage of your life where repetition rules. In this stage you're probably married, you've likely got the job and the house. And now you're doing pretty much the same thing day in and day out.

Perhaps what you need is not for your kids to change, but for you to change. Find a different route home, or stop somewhere you've never stopped before (Ice cream is a good random stop). That could be just the shot in the arm you and you kid's quality time needs.

Find your discussion glue. Every parent has at least one thing in common with their kids. Most parents have lots of things in common. So capitalize on that. After all, the goal of talking to your kids is to grow closer to them, and better understand them. Find as much common ground as you can, and camp there.

I've got lots of common ground with my kids. With Alura and I, it's Writing and music. With Scarlett it's fighting and a lot of randomness. And with Silas, it's growling at each other and making indistinguishable sounds. Your common ground with your kids doesn't have to be anything specific. It just has to be something you share.

Dig with the right shovel. It is important to know how things are going at school. If your kid is being bullied, for example, you'd want to know about that. But you'll never hear about it by asking uninspired questions like what did you learn today? Instead, find a nonthreatening way to probe. Ask questions with a specific point - What is your least favorite part of your school day? Who is the nicest person at your school? If you were trapped in a school bus with three people from your school, who would you want them to be? 

Focus on doing rather than saying. There are few things more awkward than a ham handed What did you learn in school today honey? When I was a kid, there were plenty of days where it felt like my dad asked only because he had to (which I now know wasn't the case). So finding something to do with your kids is a natural way to kill that obligated feel that those conversations can have at times.

One thing I like to do with my oldest daughter, Alura, is house work or yard work. She hates it when I ask her to do those chores. But when her and I do them together, we always end up joking, laughing, and having great conversations about random stuff.

But what about you? Do you have a special way of connecting with your kids after school? Or did you parents have something special they did with you? Please leave a comment in the section below. Also you're invited to 'like' me on Facebook to join the community there. Thanks for reading.

Warmly,
Tim