The sex and waiting talk that my teenager said was awesome

These days, it's hard to teach kids and teens to hold off on exploring sex. Whether you think it's best for them to wait for marriage or you just want them to wait until they're ready, convincing your kids to keep their bodies to themselves comes with a lot of challenges. 

We live in a world were sex is idolized and advertised to young people. Even books and movies aimed at teens are packed with sex appeal. It makes the idea of waiting sound really lame to our kids. And parents also have to contend with their own worst enemy - themselves.

I've always struggled to find a good way to talk to my kids about waiting because... I didn't wait. I believe that the absolute best thing for them is to wait until they're married to have sex. But I feel really hypocritical about trying to convince them to do something I've never done.

Then last week I found myself in the middle of a conversation with my teenage daughter, Alura.  And while I typically write about lessons that come out of my failures, this one was a tic in the win column. Here's how everything went down. And before I begin, I want to invite you to leave your thoughts and criticisms in the comment section below (and obviously, I got Alura's permission to post this).

The Talk
Alura was recuperating from a leg surgery, and on high doses of heavy duty pain killers. It was the perfect recipe for a totally deep conversation. After about an hour of her very honest venting, we ended up having a very serious conversation about sex and waiting. She asked me my opinion (which was a miracle) and this is what I said.

"When it comes to sex, there are really only a few different things to do. There's kissing, touching, oral sex, and full on sex. And whenever you do any of those things, you are connecting yourself spiritually and emotionally to a person, which is obviously a big deal. 

And your first time doing each of those things is really important, because you never forget your first time, or the person it was with. And what I want is for you to do all those things with a person that you know and are confident will always be there for you, and at the end of the day will love you no matter what. 

Let me explain it another way. 

Let's say each of those things (kissing, touching, etc.) were dollars in your bank account. So you have 4 dollars to spend, and that's all you'll ever get. Then let's say that you walk into a Circle K, and you want to buy a pack of gum.
So you pick out the pack of gum you want and take it to the counter to pay for it. But when you get to the counter, the guy behind the register says, "Here's how this is going to work. You give me one of your dollars and then I'll decide whether or not to give you a piece of this gum."
Would you do it? Of course not. That's not how it works. When you want a pack of gum, you walk into the store and take what you want. Then when you have it in your possession, you take it to the front and then you make a transaction. And it should be the same way with physical relationships.

Sex should be the result of an incredibly intimate relationship, not the method of obtaining it. And what I'd really like for you is for you to build a stable and committed relationship (and the best kind of commitment comes through marriage), and for you to know that you're with a guy who will love you no matter what. And once you have all those things, then you spend your dollars and have your firsts, and your seconds for that matter."

After I was done talking, Alura looked at me with dopey drugged up eyes and said, "Dad, that was an awesome metaphor." And I smiled, kissed her on the head, wished her a good night, and then totally patted myself on the back once I was outside her door (still working on the whole giving credit to God thing).

Please leave a comment with your opinion in the section below. Also, connect with me when you 'like' me on Facebook. Thanks for reading!

Warmly,
Tim