Being a woman today is exponentially more complicated than it was a hundred years ago. There was a time when all a woman needed to know was how to pop out kids and obey her husband. And it just ain't that way anymore.
Today, many women aren't just mothers. They're working mothers, which means they have to choose between the bottom line of the home and spending time with their kids. And married women aren't just housewives. They're co-executors of their homes alongside their husbands.
Things just aren't as simple as they used to be... which isn't a bad thing. I think the evolution of women's rights has obviously been a good thing. But if you're a Dad to a little girl, it does mean you have your work cut out for you.
Disney evolution
The best example of this comes from Disney princesses. When we were all young, we had princesses like Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella and Snow White. Their only job was to wait for prince charming. And once he showed up, everything worked out. But not anymore.
Now Disney princesses have to brave snowy mountains, navigate complicated family relationships with sisters who have explainable, uncontrollable powers of winter. They have to face the fact that prince charming can, at times, actually be the villain.
The goal of the Disney princess has changed. It's no longer to find prince charming, but to discover more potential within themselves and learn that they had what it takes all along.
And the goal of fathering daughters has changed similarly. None of us are foolish enough to think that it's simply our job to teach our girls to wait for prince charming. It's our job to teach them how to navigate a world that's full of deception, and become everything they were created to be.
As you brave this road with your little girl(s), here are some important lessons that your little princess needs to learn from you along the way.
Treat her mom like a queen. Dude, I don't care whether you're divorced or not. It doesn't matter what your baby mamma has done to you, or what she's doing now. Your daughter will learn how to see herself through the way you treat her mom. Be sure you speak of her mom with reverence and respect. Because by lifting up her mother, you're lifting her up.
Help her find her voice. Whether she's soft spoken or a wild child, your daughter needs to have her voice affirmed by you. There's a temptation among parents to try to get our kids to be more of what we think they should be. But it may just be that we need to encourage them to be more of what they already are being.
One great example of this is my daughter Scarlett. She's the type of girl that like to make up games, and even make up rules to games that already exist. And at times she can even be a little bossy. And sometimes I'm tempted to try to get her to back down, and be a little more docile. But in actuality, Scarlett needs me to affirm her as a leader. Over time I'll teach her to manage her own temperament, but right now it's just important for her to know that she's a powerful little girl, and that's exactly who she's supposed to be.
Don't let her win... all the time. Your daughter lives in a world where people aren't going to let her win just because she's a girl. In fact, in the workplace, she'll still get paid less than men with the same position. So, let her win sometimes. But make sure she knows how to work for it, because she needs a strong sense of perseverance to make it in this world.
Show her that you'll do everything in your power to be there. Dad, you've got incredible power in your little girl's life. As a child, she thinks you hold the moon and stars in your hands. As a young girl, there's nothing she'll want more than your approval. As a young woman, her relationship with you will inform the way she understand's God. And finally, she'll inevitably search out and marry a man who's a lot like you. Do everything in your power to be reliable for her, because if you're not there it'll leave more than one void to be filled.
Show her that she doesn't need you. There will come a time in every young girl's life when she needs to break away from her parents and become her own person. I'm going through that with my daughter, Alura, right now. She's 16, and in many ways she is coming into her own. And when she comes to me with questions about life, relationships, and her future, it's not enough for me to simply tell her what to do anymore. She needs me to help her find her own solutions.
When you get there with your daughter, a well placed question is your best friend. When she wants to know whether to go to the next base with her boyfriend, help her think through her feelings, beliefs, and the consequences. And in that way you'll give her tools to use when she leaves your home and steps out into the scary world.
Obviously there are more great ways to empower our daughters to grow into powerful women in today's world. So I want to know from you, what have you done to raise your girl right?
Please leave your comment in the space below. And 'like' me on Facebook to join the conversation there.
Warmly,
Tim
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