Last week my surgeon stood over me with a pair of over-sized medical tweezers inserted about two inches into an incision in my abdomen. My stomach was numb, so I couldn't feel anything. But I was wide awake and curiously watching him.
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| Photo courtesy of Avangard Photography at Flickr.com |
My head tilted inquisitively to the side. Dammit? What does that mean? Is he just frustrated or did he make a mistake? I hadn't considered the possibility that my surgeon might make a mistake. But after his exclamation, I had an acute awareness of the fact that my life was in his hands.
I briefly imagined the surgeon speaking with my wife saying, "We did everything we could, unfortunately your husband somehow died during a very standard, nearly risk free operation."
Trusting through fear
It was a little scary to lay awake on the operating table while my surgeon tinkered with my insides. But the situation was made easier by the fact that my surgeon is really good at what he does (notwithstanding the above story), and the whole operation only took a few minutes. When it was over I got to get up, and go home.
As scary as it was to have my safety in the hands of my surgeon, I can picture a fate far scarier. In the same way that I entered into an arrangement where my surgeon made decisions regarding my health, imagine for a moment that you've entered a similar kind of agreement with another person. Only instead of that person deciding where to perform surgery on you, he would be in charge of every aspect of your life.
You'd trust him to speak into every decision you were going to make. You'd rely on him to provide for your every need. He'd be your life long leader, and everything you have would be his, and you'd only seek to use things in such a manner as he approves.
Obviously, that describes the relationship we are called to have with God. When everything is going correctly, He's the executive leader in our lives. And He's perfect for the job. He always delivers on His promises, and provides exactly what we need. So our lives are best when in His hands.
But... that's not all that scary. I mean, it's sort of scary. But not really scary. Let's raise the stakes.
Now that's scary!
How about this. Imagine you're called to commit to the same kind of arrangement, only instead with someone who is imperfect and makes countless mistakes every day. Let's say you're called to make the arrangement with someone who can be vengeful, callous and even lazy. Now that's scary.
The truth is, that's exactly what wives do every single day when they commit to love and follow their imperfect husbands. Ephesians 5:25 is the famous verse that says, "Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands as to the Lord." That puts women in a very uncomfortable spot. And it's the thing that's so important for husbands to understand.
Our wives work (or are supposed to work) on a daily basis to follow and support our leadership. But imagine how difficult that must be with the range of character defects that each of us has. My wife has committed to following me even in the face of my selfishness, insecurity, and at times incredible immaturity.
Obviously, we're not going to become perfect tomorrow. So following us will always be scary to some degree. But there are some things we can do to honor God and our wives, and make the whole experience a little less terrifying for the women that love us.
Pray for your wife. I can't remember who I heard say this, but it's been burned into my mind for years - If you don't pray for you wife, who will? I don't know what scares me more, the thought of no one praying for my wife, or the thought of someone else doing my job for me. Praying for your wife, and placing her squarely in God's hands, is the best way of loving her that exists.
Clean up your side of the street, without pointing out hers. Yes, she is not following through on her side of things. She'e either not getting all of the house work done, or she's going back on her word, or she's not meeting your sexual needs to your satisfaction. You wife's not perfect, I'll give you that. But dude, neither are you. There's a pile of garbage on your side of the street as well. Focus intently one cleaning up your own mess, and that'll go a lot further in motivating her to clean hers than reminding her of her failures ever will.
Work on your word. While you're on this earth, people will only follow you in as much as they can trust your word. If you want to be a great leader to your wife, grab the unfinished list of stuff that you promised to do for her and the kids, and work on making some progress.
Pray with her. One thing that will take the sting out of being tethered to an imperfect man is knowing that he is looking to God for guidance. My wife regularly reminds me of the comfort she feels when she sees me pursuing God's plan for my life.
Take responsibility for yourself. Using words like I was wrong, I'm sorry, or You were right don't make you weak. They're a sign of humility. And your humility will go a long way toward showing your wife that you're safe to follow.
It was a little scary to lay awake on the operating table while my surgeon tinkered with my insides. But the situation was made easier by the fact that my surgeon is really good at what he does (notwithstanding the above story), and the whole operation only took a few minutes. When it was over I got to get up, and go home.
As scary as it was to have my safety in the hands of my surgeon, I can picture a fate far scarier. In the same way that I entered into an arrangement where my surgeon made decisions regarding my health, imagine for a moment that you've entered a similar kind of agreement with another person. Only instead of that person deciding where to perform surgery on you, he would be in charge of every aspect of your life.
You'd trust him to speak into every decision you were going to make. You'd rely on him to provide for your every need. He'd be your life long leader, and everything you have would be his, and you'd only seek to use things in such a manner as he approves.
Obviously, that describes the relationship we are called to have with God. When everything is going correctly, He's the executive leader in our lives. And He's perfect for the job. He always delivers on His promises, and provides exactly what we need. So our lives are best when in His hands.
But... that's not all that scary. I mean, it's sort of scary. But not really scary. Let's raise the stakes.
Now that's scary!
How about this. Imagine you're called to commit to the same kind of arrangement, only instead with someone who is imperfect and makes countless mistakes every day. Let's say you're called to make the arrangement with someone who can be vengeful, callous and even lazy. Now that's scary.
The truth is, that's exactly what wives do every single day when they commit to love and follow their imperfect husbands. Ephesians 5:25 is the famous verse that says, "Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands as to the Lord." That puts women in a very uncomfortable spot. And it's the thing that's so important for husbands to understand.
Our wives work (or are supposed to work) on a daily basis to follow and support our leadership. But imagine how difficult that must be with the range of character defects that each of us has. My wife has committed to following me even in the face of my selfishness, insecurity, and at times incredible immaturity.
Obviously, we're not going to become perfect tomorrow. So following us will always be scary to some degree. But there are some things we can do to honor God and our wives, and make the whole experience a little less terrifying for the women that love us.
How you can increase your wife's sense of safety
Pray for your wife. I can't remember who I heard say this, but it's been burned into my mind for years - If you don't pray for you wife, who will? I don't know what scares me more, the thought of no one praying for my wife, or the thought of someone else doing my job for me. Praying for your wife, and placing her squarely in God's hands, is the best way of loving her that exists.
Clean up your side of the street, without pointing out hers. Yes, she is not following through on her side of things. She'e either not getting all of the house work done, or she's going back on her word, or she's not meeting your sexual needs to your satisfaction. You wife's not perfect, I'll give you that. But dude, neither are you. There's a pile of garbage on your side of the street as well. Focus intently one cleaning up your own mess, and that'll go a lot further in motivating her to clean hers than reminding her of her failures ever will.
Work on your word. While you're on this earth, people will only follow you in as much as they can trust your word. If you want to be a great leader to your wife, grab the unfinished list of stuff that you promised to do for her and the kids, and work on making some progress.
Pray with her. One thing that will take the sting out of being tethered to an imperfect man is knowing that he is looking to God for guidance. My wife regularly reminds me of the comfort she feels when she sees me pursuing God's plan for my life.
Take responsibility for yourself. Using words like I was wrong, I'm sorry, or You were right don't make you weak. They're a sign of humility. And your humility will go a long way toward showing your wife that you're safe to follow.
I'm curious: What special thing to you do to show your wife how valuable she is to you? And the same thing for you ladies, what special thing do you do to show your husband you value him?
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