I keep meeting more and more men who really want to honor their girl friends and wives by not looking around at other women. But that can be challenging when the vast majority of girls go out of their way to dress to impress.
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| Photo courtesy of Jeanette Goodrich at Flickr.com |
As I talk with and mentor some of these guys, the question that keeps coming up is How do I honor my girl when I'm at the gym? For guys, keeping their eyes pointed in the right direction isn't terribly difficult in most social situations. But keeping your eyes from coming across hot, spandex covered girls at the gym is like trying not to get shot on D-day at Normandy Beach (though the guys on Normandy actually stood a better chance than you).
So what does an honorable man do?
The truth is, there are only a handful of options. The first one is the simplest. You can just gouge your eyes out. You can use a butter knife or a screw driver and just do it real quick. The pain will be over quick, and it's biblical (Matt 5:29, Mark 9:47). But since that would seriously impede every area of your life (and ability to read my blog) I won't recommend it.
Your second option is the one most guys take. You can make a list of idealistic and unrealistic rules for yourself, and then just feel ashamed when you violate all of them. You could set rules like I'll never stare, or Every time I see an attractive girl I'll look away and pray, or I'll look away and think of my wife, or I'll just remind myself that she's someone's daughter.
It's not a bad tactic. The only problem with that is it puts us guys in the place of trying to do things in our own power. And for the most part it just kinda works.
It's not a bad tactic. The only problem with that is it puts us guys in the place of trying to do things in our own power. And for the most part it just kinda works.
Honorable in every way
As with most things, more than will power is required to overcome. If you want to be an honorable man, honoring your woman with your eyes requires a more holistic approach. It requires a continual attitude of honoring your woman. Let me explain what I mean by that.
I know a few great men who are good at this. Daily they maintain an attitude that says I make my wife my definition of beautiful. Not only do they strive to keep their eyes off other girls at the gym. They work hard to keep their eyes off other girls no matter where they are. Then they reinforce their perception of their wives by regularly contemplating the things they love about them.
And they don't do it all by their own will power. The men who are the most successful at this ask God for help. They look for Him to empower them to be chivalrous with their eyes and their minds. And once they've done that, all sorts of seemingly impossible things are easily obtained.
I work hard to emulate these men. While I'm not perfect, I'm finding it easier and easier to keep my eyes right and my conscience clear. And if I catch my attention beginning to drift, I don't beat myself up. I simply return to God. Thank him for my beautiful wife, and continue forward in His power.
I work hard to emulate these men. While I'm not perfect, I'm finding it easier and easier to keep my eyes right and my conscience clear. And if I catch my attention beginning to drift, I don't beat myself up. I simply return to God. Thank him for my beautiful wife, and continue forward in His power.
Girls are not going to stop wearing skin tight pants with neon words written across their butts. But in spite of that, it is possible to honor our women with our eyes while we're at the gym. When we go to God, and practice healthy discipline, we can be the faithful men that they desire and need us to be.
And what about you? What are your tactics for honoring your woman with your eyes? What's worked really well for you? What hasn't worked? Please chime in in the comment section below.
I find this zen parable useful, and do deal with this several times a week at yoga.
ReplyDeleteTwo traveling monks reached a river where they met a young woman. Wary of the current, she asked if they could carry her across. One of the monks hesitated, but the other quickly picked her up onto his shoulders, transported her across the water, and put her down on the other bank. She thanked him and departed. As the monks continued on their way, the one was brooding and preoccupied. Unable to hold his silence, he spoke out. "Brother, our spiritual training teaches us to avoid any contact with women, but you picked that one up on your shoulders and carried her!"
"Brother," the second monk replied, "I set her down on the other side, while you are still carrying her."
That's awesome Jim. And a perfect example of how us guys tend to carry women around in our minds if we're not careful. Thanks!
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