Early in my ministry I worked with a pastor who was a really great guy. He was funny, smart, inspiring, encouraging, and very godly. There was only one problem. He was impossible to get a hold of. He would make promises to call people and never call them. You could leave him as many messages as you wanted and never get a response. As a result, I never put much stock in the guy. He was a brilliant preacher, but I never felt drawn to follow him. I never sensed that he took me seriously. As a result, he never had any real influence in my life. And I wasn't the only one. Any time I spoke with other people in his ministry about projects they had undertaken with him, the response was always the same. They'd say, "Yeah, I wanted to work on the project, but he won't return my calls. You know how he is." Yes, yes I do know how he is.
Have you ever had that happen to you? You're talking to someone about something and they say, "great, I'll email you about that later this week" or "I'll call you and we'll set that up" or "let me double check my calendar and get back to you". Then a few days go by and - nothing. How do you feel when someone does that to you? How does it make you feel about that person? Here's the scary question - are you that person?
It can be uncomfortable to think about, but if I'm being honest, I have to admit that I do this. I'm not quite the same as the pastor in the story above, but I'm definitely guilty of making communication promises that I don't follow through on. Almost anybody on my team would readily admit they've waited on a call, text, email, planning center request, or you name it from me that they never got. The result, they feel frustrated and undervalued. Then the next time I have an amazing idea, my team's 'Yay!' banners are raised a little lower. Each time I leave someone on the lurch I'm cashing in on a little bit of his or her trust in me. Before long, new vision for the ministry isn't exciting anymore, people begin to see it as a joke.
Ultimately, the goal of any good leader is to be trustworthy for the people you're leading. But being a reliable communicator produces the opposite effect of trustworthiness. So what's the problem? Is it that leaders don't know? Certainly not. I've spoken with countless leaders who have the same problem I do. We're all aware of it. From the conversations I’ve had, it seems like communication issues stem from several areas of our own individual lives. Being aware of these areas is the essential first step to regaining balance, and growing as leaders who communicate trustworthiness. So, if you’re like me and your communication skills need help, have a look at these areas of your life.
Boundless boundaries. I like people, which is not a weakness. My weakness is that I want people to like me. I want everyone to like me so much that I don’t set boundaries with anyone with regards to what I promise. I’m like my Labrador. I love attention. If someone wants to talk to me about something, I jump around with my tongue hanging out saying, “Yeah, yeah, conversation good. Love me, love me!” As a result I promise everybody everything. Then throughout the rest of the week, I sit in my office feeling overwhelmed by the commitments I’ve made to contact and meet with people. That’s when I start to drop the ball.
If you’re like me in this way, let me give you a helpful perspective that was new to me. Saying ‘no’ is loving. Loving leaders are focused more on the well being of their people than they are themselves. When you say ‘no’ to a team member, and direct them to somebody else who can be helpful with their problem, you lose the opportunity to help yourself by being that person’s helper. But you do your team member a lot of good by not setting him or her up for disappointment.
Craziness in my day. Some mornings, as I sit on the couch drinking coffee with my wife, my mind feels sharp. I can think clearly. On those days I’m ready to go. I can see the names and faces of everybody I need to call. Then I walk out the door. After that, it’s all over. Inevitably, things beyond my control happen, and my day gets whisked away into a nebulous of busy insanity. Meanwhile, the people who are waiting to hear from me just keep waiting.
If you’re like me, you live in a world that you don’t have any control over. In fact, literally as I was typing that last sentence my phone rang. It was my best friend calling with a story about how he simply sat down to read his Bible and pray (because he feels guilty over not doing it enough). He said he sat down this morning, cracked open his Bible and BOOM! There was a loud explosion in his yard. He went out front to find a drug addicted woman standing in his front yard. I won’t go into the rest, but suffice it to say he did not spend any time reading his Bible before work today. That’s what life is like.
In order to be a better communicator in a chaotic world, I have a scheduled time every day where I work to communicate with my team. In my schedule, it’s called ‘communications’ and it’s the second thing in my workday. It comes right after Bible time. Now, I don’t do it every day. Let’s face it, some days there's an explosion and a drug addict standing in your front yard. But that doesn’t happen every day. When I have a consistent time set aside to make calls, send emails, and the like, I do a much better job of staying in touch.
Flat out stupidity. This one is my favorite. I’ll be in the middle of an exciting conversation with somebody. We’ll make plans to pursue a project. Then I’ll say something like, “I’ll call you tomorrow, and we’ll set it up.” Then we shake hands, I walk away and completely forget. This happens for one simple and easily avoidable reason. I just didn’t write it down.
There are way too many great memory aids out there for us to be forgetting to call people back. When I started using a task list on my smartphone, my reliability shot way up. I currently use Google Tasks because I can access it from any device with internet on it. But if you need some variety, you may think about looking at Evernote. It has more features. I even know people who email themselves with tasks in order to remember them. Whatever you use, get the information somewhere where you can be reminded.
To Sum It Up
Nearly every good leader I’ve met has the desire to be a better communicator. Most of us think, “I just need to do it.” Then we feel bad about ourselves when we just don’t. The truth is, poor communication stems from imbalance in other areas of our lives. If we take the time to work out some simple steps to build balance back into our lives, great communication becomes accessible.
So let me ask you, what stands in your way when it comes to being the kind of communicator you dream of being?
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