I Met My Hero. He Broke My Heart: 4 Ways To Protect Your Influence

by Tim Swanson

Once I got to meet one of my musical heroes. It was a life altering experience.

I was in New York preparing to sing with a choir at Carnegie Hall. We had been rehearsing a piece by a world famous composer we'll call him Pete Songman, even though that's not his real name. As a surprise, the theatre company hired Pete to be our conductor at the performance. They flew him in, and he led all of our rehearsals. At the time I was also studying choral composition at Southwestern College (now it's called Arizona Christian University). I had dreams of being a great musician like Pete Songman. So working with him was a dream come true.

I stood on the stage of Carnegie Hall among the other singers during a break from rehearsals. We all looked around the vast auditorium in wonder at the opportunity we had been given. Before long, I spotted Dr. Songman sitting in one of the house seats going over some notes. I decided to cease the opportunity. Rushing from the stage to the house to get to him before anyone else could, I scrambled to think of what I would say.  I tried to slow down before I got to him. I didn't want to look crazy. He was sitting in a seat near the isle reviewing his notes as I approached him. Wanting to keep it simple, I asked him one question, "Dr. Songman, do you have any advice for a young  aspiring composer?" In that moment Pete Songman had unimaginable influence in my life. He could have told me that kissing spotted toads was the best way to become a famous conductor, and I would have done it.

He didn't even look up from his notes as he responded, "have you been composing since you were 8 years old?" I was caught off guard, "...no" (with the same inflection as if it were a question). Keeping eye contact with his notes he replied, "then don't even try." With those 4 words he spent every ounce of influence he had with me. After that encounter I lost any admiration I had for him. He may have even been right. I don't know many composers. So I'm not sure if his suggestion is valid or not.  But he might have well said, "I'm really not interested in your admiration, I'd really rather you didn't look up to me".

I bet you have people that look up to you. Whether you lead your children or a sports team, your ability to influence other people is vital to your leadership. If you want your kids to grow up to have good characters with strong integrity, you'll need to leverage your influence with them while they're young to teach them valuable lessons about keeping their word and telling the truth. If you want your team to be champions, they’ll have to trust you enough to listen when you tell them to give it everything they’ve got.

As a leader, your ability to influence people is your most valuable skill.  Without it you'd never be able to motivate anyone to do anything. If Pete Songman published a book tomorrow on how to be a great musician, guess who would not be buying a copy. He may be a world renown composer, but I still wouldn't put an ounce of trust in his direction, and it's been almost ten years since that day. If you want to be an effective leader, you'll have to have a healthy amount of influence in the lives of the people you lead. So here are four keys to growing and protecting your influence.

1. Don't Be A Critic. Criticism is easy, anybody can do it. And people who are critical are almost always masking insecurity. It takes strength, intelligence and wisdom to be constructive. Maintaining a positive outlook takes work. But people like optimism, and they flock to it. Think of the most influential people in history: Martin Luther King Jr., Benjamin Franklin, Theodore Roosevelt, Albert Einstein, Jesus. They were all about possibility. Today, people still model their lives after all of these men. And they’re all dead... with the exception of Jesus, of course.

2. You have to be respectful if you want to be respectable. I might trademark that. Foster an atmosphere of respect among your team. When you lead with respect, they'll follow with respect.  One good tactic for this is acknowledging people's accomplishments in front of the whole team. Do that with regularity and your team will look to you more and more for how to act. Encouragement is infectious.

3. Do what you say you are going to do. It took me a long time to learn this one, and I still struggle to match my actions with my words at times. My problem is I get too excited about new ideas. Then I overpromise and underdeliver. There are few better ways to destroy your team's faith in you. Your vision quickly becomes laughable to your team. I know from experience. But regularly keeping your word has an equally powerful positive effect. When your word is your bond, people will not only want to follow you, they'll want to be like you.

4. Go to bat for your team. In my early years as a church music leader, I came to a point where I was struggling financially. I had been asking the church for a raise for years. Years! Then one day my boss went into a staff meeting and said, "this is a dealbreaker for me. If we don't give Tim a raise, I quit."  They gave me the raise, and that guy got my ultimate respect. Today he is still one of the most influential people in my life, and I’ve worked at four churches since then.

How far would your team follow you? Could they trust you more than they do? Those are important questions, because the answers determine how effective you can be as a leader. This week, target one area where you can intentionally build your traction with your people. Then as you set long term goals, build in actions that will increase your influence. When your team trusts you, they’ll work together better, they’ll realize potential faster, as a result your team will be able to set higher goals. Before long, your team will be accomplishing things that you never expected.