Have you ever been distracted by your own resentment while you were teaching, preaching or leading worship? It can feel unnatural since there's sort of a stigma on church leaders that we're supposed to be impervious to "unchristian" thoughts and attitudes while on the platform. But it happened to me - happens to me.
I once worked at a church where there was a woman who absolutely couldn't stand the volume of the drums during. A unique problem, I know. But she would come up to me after services, and tell me how awful the drums sounded and then threaten to leave the church.
One Sunday, I walked out on the church's stage, with my team to begin the service. Almost immediately, I noticed her sitting near the back. She already seemed to be glaring at me. When the lights came up, I invited everyone to stand. She stood with them. I tried not to pay any attention to her. But then the second the band began to play, I noticed her quickly turn around and bend over to reach into her purse. Seconds later she emerged with these huge aviation style headphones on her head. She then proceeded to cross her arms and stand there, lips sealed, for the rest of the music portion of the service.
As I sang and played with my team, I struggled to stay focused on God. I found my eyes continually drawn back to that woman. I wanted to engage in worship with my team and the rest of the church, but mostly I found myself just trying not to stare at those ear muffs. I wondered If the sound really bothers her that much, why not just stay in the lobby? Is she trying to make some kind of statement here? Is she wearing those things to try to send me a message? Then some of our previous conversations began to replay in my mind.
That's when it happened.
I mentally reviewed some of her previous statements about the volume of the drums. Then powerless to stop myself, I imagined what things I might say to sort of stick it to her. I won't write any of them here, but I bet you could imagine.
Keep in mind, all of this was going on while I was supposed to be leading everyone to worship God with reckless abandon. But instead, I had become consumed with resentment.
Everybody experiences anger. It's a natural part of living in a world full of humans. It's normal and can even be healthy. Resentment, on the other hand, is not healthy. It's deadly. It happens when we hold onto anger for extended periods of time. It can pop up anywhere, and it consumes us. Then, as we're increasingly focused on what's made us angry, we become separated from everything good in our lives.
My situation with the lady is sort of the perfect example of this. She did something that I assumed was a jab at my team and me. I was offended by it, and I held on to that offense. As I did that, I stopped doing the one thing that I should have been doing - focusing on the God who let go my offenses.
So I had to do something about it.
If you're anything like me, and you find yourself uncontrollably consumed by resentment (on stage or off), here are some things that have helped me let go of my bitterness and begin experiencing the peace that is supposed to come with being set free in Christ.
An uncomfortable prayer. We all know that we're supposed to pray when things are bad - and when they're good for that matter. But there's one very uncomfortable prayer that a mentor of mine challenged me with once. I still use it all the time. He told me to pray for the person I'm angry with, and ask God to give him/her everything I want for myself. So I'll ask God to give those people peace and joy. I'll pray for God to be forgiving, and to lavish love on them. Sometimes I do this through gritted teeth,
A good look in the mirror. Here's a question I ask myself a lot when I'm upset with someone. Have I ever done anything like this to anyone else? I usually find that I have. Many times I've done the same thing or worse to more than one other person. That helps me remember that I'm not any better than anyone else, which typically provides just the amount of humility I need in order to begin letting go of anger.
A complete verbal dump. James is famous for penning the words, "Therefore, confess your sins to one another" (Jame 5:16). I have a few people that I go to when I need to confess that I've become consumed with resentment. I go to them because I trust them. And I trust them to do more than just listen. They help me realize where I'm holding on to anger in an unhealthy way, and let go of it.
If you're prone to resentment, then you know. It's always lurking. There's always something to be offended at. There's always something looking to pull you away from God, and into a cyclone of negative thoughts and emotions. Fortunately, God is even more powerful than the things that distract us from God. When we call on Him, listen to wise counsel, and pursue the truth within Scripture, we can let go of anger and turn back to our creator. We can find freedom from bitterness, and experience peace and joy. We can become an example to others, and bear fruit for the kingdom.
If you're prone to resentment, don't be discouraged. There's freedom, and it's available to you.
One Sunday, I walked out on the church's stage, with my team to begin the service. Almost immediately, I noticed her sitting near the back. She already seemed to be glaring at me. When the lights came up, I invited everyone to stand. She stood with them. I tried not to pay any attention to her. But then the second the band began to play, I noticed her quickly turn around and bend over to reach into her purse. Seconds later she emerged with these huge aviation style headphones on her head. She then proceeded to cross her arms and stand there, lips sealed, for the rest of the music portion of the service.
As I sang and played with my team, I struggled to stay focused on God. I found my eyes continually drawn back to that woman. I wanted to engage in worship with my team and the rest of the church, but mostly I found myself just trying not to stare at those ear muffs. I wondered If the sound really bothers her that much, why not just stay in the lobby? Is she trying to make some kind of statement here? Is she wearing those things to try to send me a message? Then some of our previous conversations began to replay in my mind.
That's when it happened.
I mentally reviewed some of her previous statements about the volume of the drums. Then powerless to stop myself, I imagined what things I might say to sort of stick it to her. I won't write any of them here, but I bet you could imagine.
Keep in mind, all of this was going on while I was supposed to be leading everyone to worship God with reckless abandon. But instead, I had become consumed with resentment.
Everybody experiences anger. It's a natural part of living in a world full of humans. It's normal and can even be healthy. Resentment, on the other hand, is not healthy. It's deadly. It happens when we hold onto anger for extended periods of time. It can pop up anywhere, and it consumes us. Then, as we're increasingly focused on what's made us angry, we become separated from everything good in our lives.
My situation with the lady is sort of the perfect example of this. She did something that I assumed was a jab at my team and me. I was offended by it, and I held on to that offense. As I did that, I stopped doing the one thing that I should have been doing - focusing on the God who let go my offenses.
So I had to do something about it.
If you're anything like me, and you find yourself uncontrollably consumed by resentment (on stage or off), here are some things that have helped me let go of my bitterness and begin experiencing the peace that is supposed to come with being set free in Christ.
An uncomfortable prayer. We all know that we're supposed to pray when things are bad - and when they're good for that matter. But there's one very uncomfortable prayer that a mentor of mine challenged me with once. I still use it all the time. He told me to pray for the person I'm angry with, and ask God to give him/her everything I want for myself. So I'll ask God to give those people peace and joy. I'll pray for God to be forgiving, and to lavish love on them. Sometimes I do this through gritted teeth,
A good look in the mirror. Here's a question I ask myself a lot when I'm upset with someone. Have I ever done anything like this to anyone else? I usually find that I have. Many times I've done the same thing or worse to more than one other person. That helps me remember that I'm not any better than anyone else, which typically provides just the amount of humility I need in order to begin letting go of anger.
A complete verbal dump. James is famous for penning the words, "Therefore, confess your sins to one another" (Jame 5:16). I have a few people that I go to when I need to confess that I've become consumed with resentment. I go to them because I trust them. And I trust them to do more than just listen. They help me realize where I'm holding on to anger in an unhealthy way, and let go of it.
If you're prone to resentment, then you know. It's always lurking. There's always something to be offended at. There's always something looking to pull you away from God, and into a cyclone of negative thoughts and emotions. Fortunately, God is even more powerful than the things that distract us from God. When we call on Him, listen to wise counsel, and pursue the truth within Scripture, we can let go of anger and turn back to our creator. We can find freedom from bitterness, and experience peace and joy. We can become an example to others, and bear fruit for the kingdom.
If you're prone to resentment, don't be discouraged. There's freedom, and it's available to you.
Photo courtesy of Frenkieb at Flickr.con
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