by Tim Swanson
Kids can be cruel. Especially when they sense weakness. I got to learn about this when I was seven years old. I went with an after school program to swim in the public poll at Udall park in Tucson. This was a highly anticipated trip. My friends and I had just moved up a grade in our elementary school. And the promotion came with benefits. For the first time ever, my friends and I were going to get to jump off the coveted high dive.
We speedily walked along the wet pool deck toeing the line between walking and running. I managed to beat my friends to the line. Our anticipation was through the roof, and the wait seemed to last forever. Before long it was my turn. I was anxious as I climbed the wet ladder steps. At the top it was really a lot higher than it looked. Soon I was standing on the edge of the diving board, and that was when I made a critical error. I looked down. I immediately felt dizzy and was overwhelmed with fear. I slowly backed away from the edge of the board. I had to ignore the biting jeers of my friends who capitalized on my weakness. I walked away filled with shame.
The following week we went back to the pool again. Many of my friends were excited to jump off the high dive again, a few of them felt the need to remind me of my failure during our last visit. I hated that feeling. By the time we got back to the pool I was dedicated to jumping off that board. I got to continue listening to my friends remarks as I stood in line. That didn't help my shaky nerves. In no time at all I was back at the top of the diving board. When I stepped up to the edge and looked down something dawned on me. I really didn't have to do much to jump off the diving board. All I had to do was take that first step, and gravity would do the rest. So looking straight down I took one step forward. That was the first time I felt the exhilaration of free falling through the air. I spent the rest of the day jumping off that diving board. My friends even forgot about the week before, and I never heard a word about it from any of them again.
While my friends forgot about my failure, I didn’t. The first time I tried to jump off the high dive my fears got the better of me. I remember the feeling of my fear having control over my actions, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. But I also remember the feeling of overcoming that fear. It was a pure rush. Now in adulthood, I face fear daily. And the scary things are a lot more threatening than the high dive. But no matter what it is that I’m up against, I always think back to that day on the high dive, when I overcame fear. I won that day. Because of that, I can keep winning.
If I could overcome my fears as a 7 year old child, then you can certainly overcome yours. What sorts of fears are you facing right now? If you’re in leadership it might be having a confrontation with one of your team members. If you’re married, it might be coming clean to your spouse about a mistake you’ve made. Maybe you’re a parent, and you’re scared of talking to your teenaged child about sex. In most cases, our fears are keeping us from taking the first step. But in many of those situations, all it takes is the first step. Here are three steps that I use to work through my fears. By the way, I used these steps to begin a conversation with a girl who is now my wife, and we have three beautiful children together!
1. Start With One: Don’t try to inventory your fears. My tendency is to think of all the things that terrify me. When I do that, I quickly feel crushed under the weight of my building anxiety. Start with one fear. Forget the rest for now, you can deal with those later. Pick one thing that you can work on today or tomorrow.
2. Break the scary situation down: In most situations, overcoming fear takes just one step. Then you can let the rest play out. If fear is keeping you from having a difficult conversation with someone, then figure out the how you would start that conversation. Then all you have to do is muster up the courage to say that first sentence. When I introduced myself to my wife, I had to gather the courage to say, “Hi, my name is Tim.” It can really be that simple. And the outcome is usually not as scary as you make it out to be in your head. If you have to give someone bad news, the pain from keeping the secret is almost always worse than the reaction that comes from being straightforward.
3. Step Off The Edge: Take a deep breath. Step forward. Let gravity do the rest. Once you’ve taken the first step you’ll find that the rest comes much more easily. In the end, you’ll be thanking yourself (and hopefully me).
Fear is not worth its weight. If you are walking around with something hanging over your head, it’s time to shake it off. There is freedom from fear, and it’s just one step ahead of you.
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