I Buy My Wife Discount Flowers: 3 Steps To Build Unity In Your Team

by Tim Swanson

When I buy flowers for my wife, I don't go to a ritzy flower shop. I go to the grocery store. And when I get there I head to the bargain section. My goal is to spend less than $10. Then I cruise over to the cards and thumb through the 99¢ Hallmark specials. Usually i'm out the door for under $7.50. Yesterday I totally scored when I found a dozen white roses with one red one in there on a Manager's Special at Fry's for 5 bucks. Then I left the yellow and red discount sticker on the side when I gave them to her. Classy right?

I imagine you being a little disgusted by that. But grossing you out its not my goal. My goal is to share a valuable leadership principle that dawned on me as I purchased the discount roses yesterday. Maybe you're thinking that I'm a sleaze ball. And based on who you talk to, you could probably make a pretty good argument for that. But in this situation that's not the case. The reason that I go so far out far out of my way to save money on flowers is that it's really important to my wife.

You see, my wife's parents are both frugal. Growing up in that environment my wife learned to value frugality. So when I get her flowers, I get a good deal so that she can actually enjoy them. My first instinct would be to go to a ritzy flower shop and spend lots of money, and maybe even get one of those singing delivery guys. But I know that as he serenaded her with 'Believer' by the Monkeys, she would be distracted thinking about how much money I spent on everything. So when I make decisions in our home, it's good for our marriage for me to be aware of my wife's core values. The same true is you and your team.

If you want you team to function like a finely tuned machine, you have to learn about the values of your team members. In The Leadership Challenge, one of my favorite books on leadership, the authors remark, "A great leader... learns about each person's values, how they build trust, and what is core to their motivation and drive" (p.49).  As you build structure for your team, one of your main goals should be finding out what drives your team members to succeed. Then you should use those values to determine the direction of your team.

One good example of this is with my team at Moon Valley Bible Church. I lead the music for the Sunday morning services. So I spend a lot of time in rehearsal with my bands. Over the past few years, I have learned that almost all of my team members value excellence in music. They want to be playing music that sounds really good, and does not distract people from focusing on God. Knowing that, I talk a lot with my teams about being prepared. I know that the quality of the music on Sunday morning depends largely on how well each individual prepares outside of rehearsal. So there are a few things I do to make that possible. First, I work to get them music at least two weeks in advance. When I send them the songs, they get complete sheet music and a recording of the song in the correct key. That way they have everything they need to get prepared. Then on Thursday, our rehearsal day, I spend a couple hours setting up. I want to make it so that they only have to plug their instruments in when they arrive. This way they spend less time trying to find instrument cables and which channel they will plug into, and they spend more time thinking about the music. Then I have to be well prepared. As the leader, they are going to look to me to see how to act. So when I spend time preparing for rehearsal, I know it’s going to pay me back in them spending time practicing. So I push preparation with my bands because it will help them accomplish their goals. This way they are investing in their own dreams. For that reason, my praise teams have a higher degree of unity than any ministry team I have ever been involved with. They are willing to work harder, go further and sacrifice more than any team I’ve been a part of. The result is the accomplishment of their goals. Every week they do a superb job of facilitating a place for God’s people to get together and meet with Him.

Discovering your teams values is not arduous work. It’s really pretty simple. Here are three good steps you can take to discover your team’s core values and utilize them to build a high functioning team.

1. Ask: I love to facilitate discussions with my team. I will usually gather them in the green room as our teaching pastor preaches during one of the Sunday morning services. Then I’ll come up with a few pointed questions and invite each person to give a response. What is the best time for you to gather your team and find out what really makes them tick?

2. Baby Steps: As the people on your team answer your questions, some shared values will begin to emerge. Take note of them. Then during the week, look for one or two simple ways you can implement change to begin to acknowledge those values. It could be a simple thing such as adding a new segment to your meetings. If your team values spending their time wisely, your baby step could be as simple as starting and ending your next meeting on time.

3. Build Team Values Into Your Foundation: As you set goals for the upcoming 1 - 3 years, think about some bigger changes you can make to acknowledge your team’s values. If your team values clear communication, and you want to implement a new computer program or communication system that helps you and your team communicate, you should plan ahead. Look at the upcoming year and pick a date down the road to implement it. You’d want to be sure to clearly communicate the new communication system to your team when you launch it.

Everybody on your team has dreams and aspirations. Many of your team member’s dreams will overlap each other, you want to capitalize on those. In my marriage, I want to acknowledge my wife’s values because it helps us build the kind of intimate relationship that I really want. When I acknowledge my team’s values, they are more invested in the goals of the team and they work better together to accomplish goals.

This is not a lofty goal. And you can get started today. By acknowledging your team’s shared values you’ll see your team work together in a new way. And you’ll discover potential in your people that you never expected.