Tim H. Swanson
Giving Everyone the Foam Finger
The whole nation snapped into an uproar when Miley Cirus last performed at the VMAs (This is where a link to the video would be, except that there isn’t a single ounce of educational value in watching it). Her performance featured her in a risque costume doing a dance move called ‘twerking’. That coupled with the fact that she has been a long time hero of children all over the world became a perfect storm that made her the focus of every concerned mother, teenage boy and girl, visually stimulated guy, and - well everybody.
Right after the VMAs, Miley Cirus was both more loved and despised than she had ever been before, and likely ever will be again. No matter what people thought of her, she had one thing that most every stage personality wants - the unabided attention of everyone.
People, Christians included (maybe especially), have said a lot of really nasty things about Miley since that performance. The summation of what I heard was that she is a godless, worthless, insecure, selfish, trashy, piece of garbage who is a terrible influence on everyone. Those are definitely some pretty strong words, and I don’t know if any of them are true. I’ve never met Miley Cirus, I don’t know what kind of person she is.
I was deeply disturbed by her performance, but not because of her outfit and dance move. I wasn’t entirely disturbed by her terrible influence on my kids. In fact, it made for a great opportunity to talk to them about what their clothes and actions say about their character. It didn’t really bother me the most that costumes like hers have no consideration for me and other guys like me, who value sexual integrity. In the end, the thing that really disturbed me was that when I watched it (which I did with my wife), I saw something of myself in her.
Miley’s VMA performance arguably had zero artistic value. It was novelty for the sake of attention. Whether it was Miley’s desire for attention or her record label’s desire for more fans, it doesn’t matter. It’s what I saw of myself, and it scared me.
Like A Virgin
I started leading worship in college to make a little extra money. What really hooked me was the opportunity to be a valuable part of the lives of my team members. But over time, a small but completely self centered motive began to grow deep in my heart. Every time somebody complimented me after a church service, it fanned the selfish flame. Every time people clapped after a worship set, it fanned the flame. Whenever my supervisor told me what a good job I did, it fanned the flame. Soon the flame was a fire - an out of control fire. I was hooked on people’s attention. Pretty soon, my need for acknowledgement became my motivation. I was still a worship leader, only I was leading people to worship me. I planned music that would impress people, and in some way make them think more highly of me. I was hired to lead people to worship God, but had become about myself. I was completely prideful. My leadership had become mostly novelty for the sake of attention.
A few months ago, one of my mentors challenged me to examine my own pride with regards to what I post on Facebook and Twitter. I prayed about it, and before long, God began to pull back the veil. Other mentors began to confront my pridefulness. Before long, every single influential man in my life challenged me to examine my motives. My pride issue was so out of whack that everyone noticed it, except for me of course.
As I examined my own motives, I too saw they were way out of whack. It was an unnerving realization. I felt really bad and began to reflect on how I could get back to a more pure motive. I wanted to get back to being the noble leader I've always wanted to be. But as I did that, I had another really awful realization - I'm not sure I've ever had a pure motive for anything in my entire life. As I think on my past, I see that every significant decision I've made has had a mix of noble and selfish motives. When I married my wife, I'd like to tell you I looked at her and said, "Behold, a woman whom I may love with the love of Christ"? Nope, that's not what I was thinking at all, but I bet if I have you one guess you'd figure out what I was thinking.
Oops, I Did It Again
Similarly, as I examine my motives in writing for this blog, I see three distinct things that drive my desire to influence other leaders. First is my conviction that God has given me something valuable and beneficial to others. I want to use my ideas and experiences to help other leaders, like you, realize more potential in yourself. That's the noble one.
My second motive is monetary. Through writing and speaking I'm working toward making money to save for my family's future, which is difficult to do on a ministry salary. That motive is in kind of a gray area for me. Depending on how much focus I give to earning money, it can be a good or bad motive. Then there's the evil motive. I won't sugar coat it either. There's a part of me that just wants recognition. It's the part of me that wants to be James Bond - girls want me and guys want to be me.
It's frustrating, but I find that my motives shift all the time. Sometimes my healthier motives drive my strive. When that happens, I'm highly productive and I worry less. Other times my bad motive is the king of the hill. That's when I start worship twerking. I start making decisions based on what I think will make me more reputable. When that's my focus, I lead with selfishness, and am consumed with the fear and insecurity. It’s not pretty, and I’m frequently the last one to realize it.
Check Out My Lady Lumps (I'm even a little grossed out by that one.)
Maybe you're like me, and your motives are a complex array of good and bad. If so, then you probably also struggle with balance like I do. Obviously, you want to lead with healthy motives, but those bad ones can creep in there so slowly. Over time, you can wind up over your head in Twerky selfishness. In order to be great leaders, you and I can’t afford to let unhealthy motives be our guide. We have to work to keep our heads on straight. Here are some things that I’ve been doing to keep my leadership more focused on God, and less focused on twerking.
1. Give someone/some people permission to point out twerking in your leadership. It’s no mystery that I value mentoring. I have several mentors, and I mentor several guys. The guys that mentor me are great accountability. I also invite feedback from my wife. A significant other is a great person to help you remain humble.
2. Schedule personal evaluation. This might be a monthly thing or a weekly thing. If your capacity for pride is as large as mine, you’ll want to evaluate more frequently. Right now, I’m evaluating daily.
3. Look at what you’ve been producing. Whether you develop people, a product, a service, or ideas, look at the focus of your work. Are you about creating a product that will benefit other people, or do you just want others to see how great you are?
4. Ask yourself this tough question: If I was asked to give my reputation away, how hard would it be? That question is great, because the level of fear that you feel when you honestly consider this becomes a great way to gauge how wrapped up you are in yourself.
I’m sort of embarrassed that I’ve been worship twerking. I admire the guys who always seem humble. Do you know anyone like that? They’re the type of people who don’t really seem to be offended or worried about stuff. A lot of them are more laid back. I wish I was like those guys, but I’m not.
If you’re like me, then you and I have to examine our motives. We have to stick close to God. He has no pride issue of his own, and He’s willing and able to help us with ours.
“I will say of the LORD, ‘He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.’”
Psalm 91:2
Question: What do you do to keep your twerking in check?
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