6 Things to love and loath about raising teenagers.

When I was 16, I swore to myself that I would never turn into my father. I thought he was the most uncool, out of touch, meanest, controlling person on the planet. I thought I'll never raise my kids this way. I'll be so much better. He doesn't get me, nobody gets me. Psh!

Fast-forward a bit and now I have a 16 year old of my own. Her name is Alura, and she has become my beautiful, spectacular reality check.

Now that I'm on the other side of the fence, some things have become have become painfully obvious. I thought being a teen was tough, but I had no idea how hard it is to be a parent. I had trouble understanding my parent's perspective because, as a kid, I didn't love anything as much as they loved me. And now, as a father, I've come to know what it means to love someone more than words can express.

Today, I'm learning just how rewarding and challenging it is to try to guide, discipline, and even let go of someone that I love deeper than I can understand. Here are just a few things I've gleaned from the last few years of raising my teenage daughter.

It's a blast to give teens new privileges and responsibilities. Teenagers typically want to grow up too fast. That was the case with me, and it's the case with Alura. For that reason, parents of teens typically spend way more time saying no than they'd like. But as our teens grow up, and we see them exhibit maturity, it's a blast to give them new privileges that they never had before.

A while back, Allison and I got Alura her first debit card. It was so much fun to give it to her. And while we're working to teach her to spend responsibly, we love putting money on it for her to spend while she's out with her friends.

It sucks to realize that your time influencing your kid is coming to a head. Obviously, your chance to influence your kids never goes completely away. But as our kids become young adults, there's a clear sense where they start to make some significant life decisions on their own. They'll make decisions about stuff like college, relationships, sex, self discipline, friends, jobs, where to live, and who to live with, And you'll no longer be able to protect them from themselves or the world.

It's awesome to get to have all those big life talks with your teen (even if he or she hates them). Talking about things like life direction, goal setting, purity, faith, and responsibility can be uncomfortable. But the truth is, those talks are an awesome opportunity for any parent. This is because, even if you're certain your teen isn't paying an ounce of attention, your words are getting through and your teen will access your advice when he or she is out there making those big decisions.

It's scary to realize you powerless you are. I never understood what fear was before I had kids. I thought I knew, but I didn't. Letting Alura make decisions that will affect the rest of her life is terrifying. My first instinct, as is with many parents, is to try to control all of the variables in her life. But I quickly and painstakingly have to let go of that need for control, because it's the mistakes and consequences that will come from her decisions which will teach Alura the most.

It's so great to relate with your teen about grown up stuff. It's all the stuff about which you had to say, "I'll tell you when you're older." Well now they are older, and you get to tell and show them some of the cool parts of being an adult. Last year, for example, I took Alura to the Goretorium in Las Vegas. It's like a haunted house, only really gory. It's the type of thing I'd never bring my younger kids to. But for Alura and me it was the perfect daddy daughter date.

Its challenging to watch their hearts drift to other people. Alura has a special place in my heart. No one could ever replace her, and I believe the same is true about me (and her bio dad) in her heart. But she's getting closer to the age where she will begin attaching more to other guys... romantically. And it catches me off guard every time I see her cuddle up with her boyfriend during family movie night at our house. It's almost as if I feel like saying Hey man, you can't do that, she belongs to me. But she's growing up and eventually she'll fall completely in love, and I'll have to watch her get married, and belong to another man.

Of course there are more, but I want to hear from you. What have you loved and loathed about raising teens, or being a teen yourself? Please leave a comment in the space below.

Warmly,
Tim